a day in the life of piano monkey

http://youtu.be/kOhTeHDKHTk today is the first day i feel the quiet resonance of yuletide this year- winter solstice in my heart.  may be ive been too busy and insensitive. may be life has been too full of momentum. perhaps i needed the maddening active energy to realize the diametric opposite- energy in its most complete potential state.  could it be that i needed the busy bright, artificial bustle of the 'christmas holiday seasons cheer' to realize the existence of the yuletide- the time of midwinter silence? yuletide is a very special time for me- the cusp of life and death. in midst of quiet silence, where frozen earth no longer gives us her bounties- her breasts bare and dry, she cradles the seeds and hopes of tomorrow. the little seeds, dreaming of life.  little wee lambs in mom's womb, just speckles, yet real, quietly growing in the trance of life.  what lives shall die. what dies shall let the new life inherit the earth.  janus, the mighty green m...

my life is often full of last-minute things. sometimes, only thing that's left afterward is singed self with hint of sanity; however, once in a while, the event fills me up, recharges, enabling me to look at the world afresh, with gratitude. at the faculty, we have many amazing profs; prof nimmons is a person who i have been looking up for-ever, since i came to faculty.  his drive, wild personality (loads of cheeks i must say) and dedication for self-improvement, especially, i find inspiring.  at the ripe age of nine-ty, he still practices every morning. because he wants to get better. http://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.com/articles/emc/phil-nimmons often, when this little monkey feels like jacking around and do nothing, i think of prof. nimmons. gets the shoes on. and marches (if somewhat reluctantly) to the work bench. this year, he turned nine-ty.  actual b day was in june (we share the same birthday! this made me squack with joy for some reason. may be i ca...

my housemate/one of my dearest friends/boss has been out of action with bad case of (well, perporated) appendix- after couple days in ICU, he's finally home and starting to resemble a normal man.  expected recovery time is anywhere between two to four weeks. we'll see how it goes. ive been filling in for his work; some tasks are familiar (ex. recording and editing), some are brand new (ex. live PA work).  it is daunting to get into a new task with your mentor far away. and that everyone questions whether you can manage: he's not here? who's doing it? you?!?  (they start to sweat) but you move chairs! are you sure? i understand the concern- mainly from two points: 1. that everyone's projects are very important to each individual and they do not want to take any chances. 2. they are used to seeing me moving chairs. so me doing complicated tech work does not compute. so it makes them nervous.  perhaps it wouldve been the best to find som...

peter is away from home today.  the house is now really quiet- usually, we are snickering over the series of night time shows-  jon stewart, jay reno, jimmy fallon then to craig ferguson. he would be on the futon, easing into sleep and i would be writing emails and emails and more emails... we've been friends for good 14 years or so. during those years, we grew together and apart, simultaneously. we often argue- like one little dog (me) biting the ankle of much larger dog (peter).  in one argument, i ran all the way down from 32nd floor to the first floor, then walked back up, just to let the steam out.  but there's no argument that he's one of the dearest people in my life. though we may disagree and make all kinda silly accusations, he can have anything that i have. and he is incredibly generous with me- time and efforts, especially. the way he tries to meet my musing standards- like rolled socks in the hamper means death screeching to follow, i am quite to...

slightly ( ! ) music-filled week this was: peter grimes dress run @ canadian opera company, then nine inch nails show @ air canada centre, playing in nuit blanche 2013 @ canadian music centre, now working backstage for string quartet/octet concert at the univ...! peter grimes was a heartbreaker and i am strongly encouraging everyone to go see it- the idea of ostracism is both old and new; along with the dry, acerbic music of britten,   the nine inch nails show was fantastic- a big proper stadium show, with massive amount of electronic gears, moving screens and agitating rhythmic beats that disturbs calm and peace- it's quite nice to be provoked and feel the rising energy of the audience with the band.  makes me wonder how we could emulate that kind of general acceptance and love for 'classical' music.  yes, im envious! the band always touches very sensitive, if dark part of being an individual- and for me, it's always felt genuine.  hurts, because it's r...

on way back from canadian opera company's production of peter grimes, one of my favorite operas, i walked by a bird on ground. then i walked back to see if i saw it right- birds dont usually stay on ground this time of the night in busy streets? alas, it mustve hit the eaton centre building (the end closer to city hall and the court building)... i understand that many birds do die crashing in to the building. ive seen a few. except, this little wee one, was still moving a bit, breathing hard and slow, wings twitching. bunch of teenagers passed by, ah so sad. whatever, it's probably fine. gross, is it dead? i picked it up and i didnt know what to say- im sorry, little bird, im no soothsayer, im stuck. i dont even know what i could offer you.  i dont even know what to do with you- in the opera, peter grimes, at the end, takes his boat out and sinks it. there's no mention of what happened to him.  and when people saw that boat was sinking, there was only a small ...

it has been awhile since i wrote anything for the blog. well, i have not 'published.' i have written, erased then saved many-a-thoughts, not too sure how to phrase or to present ideas- as concept is just as important as the way it is being presented to the audience.  the simple wording can create multitude of interpretations. ex: let's paint the house blue! i bet if one's idea of blue seldom matches another's idea of blue. it's not blue- it's turquoise! no, it's cobalt blue! no, it's green! i say it's grey! just a lick of paint. i am encouraging self to look into (simple) communications with self and others (as i find certain communications pleasant - or frustrating), it becomes more difficult to write to 'everyone.'  yep, writing for 'everyone' is bit like writing for 'no one.' bit like 'drink more water!' (what if i drink too much water at the moment? what if i dont have access to plenty drinkable wate...

crossing the pyrenees: route de napoleon out of st jean, one may choose between route de napoleon and valcarlos valley to get to roncesvalles, crossing to navarra, spain.  the route de napoleon has been favoured by both napoleon and medieval pilgrims due to its open nature, though it is a fairly stipp clime, the highest point being col de lepoeder, 1450m above the sea (st. jean is only 170m above the sea). with length of 25km with the stiff ascend, it is an arduous journey. we began with much fog and hidden sun, but as the day went on, the sun came out and it truly became the most beautiful day i had in the camino. fueled with hope, i ran through the mountains- i arrived at roncesvalles, the common first stop just after noon.  and unfortunately, this is where i made the big mistake. without taking the consideration for the long journey ahead, this excited monkey decided to pass through roncesvalles, continuing to zubiri.  what i realized well into the afternoon...

st jean pied de port, pyrenees-atlantiques, france, 630am  we are going back a bit in time in this post- ive been writing, then erase. write. erase. abandon and come back. abandon it again.  there are plenty of things that wants to get out yet they werent quite ready... i do enjoy the intimacy of writing to friends. the taste of words. the fragrance of memories and thoughts. all very delicious, magical, often intimidating and sad, smudged with life bits. the idea of taking the time to form sentences to see where it all goes. on 27th of may, 3am in the morning, as i fall into sleep in the bustle of city night, i had one thought that came across my head, like a comet: go to the camino. i wasnt too sure at that point what camino was. i still cannot remember where i have heard about it.  or why it came to me then. it's one of the three medieval pilgrimage route (other two are to jerusalem and to rome), leading to santiago de compostela, galicia, spain, where sup...

dear blog, ive been lazy, i know! well, i thought we should have a flexible relationship, ahem, so i waited till there is something interesting to put up... i went and came back from camino de santiago: frances.  it's an old walk that lasts about 800km, going from st. jean pied de port in southern france to santiago de compostela in northwest coast of spain.. well, more on that coming on later (promise!) but that will take time to process... so meanwhile, a doddle entry from the road. much love to you all!

mothers' day is a different one this year it will never be the same a comfort of ritual, of small gathering now broken ripped away furious violation of the young with the old a mother with one less child a mother with a child who have lost a child it is a day that i cannot say happy mother's day happy for what, i may ask- why is it always about happiness the world that is full of possibilities as much as of misfortune suffering grievance of irreplaceable loss of the days of unspeakable feelings for twenty-eight years she have spent in nurturing bickering convincing and convinced for the days- for how long, we do not know she now can only remember reminisce the allure of graspable existence of a lost child deep in her heart each beating moment the mother consoling a child who has lost one of her own two different mothers confined in the same invisible grid of bereavement leans to one another in front of a cemetery plot still fresh without ...

as the semester is quickly rolling off its insanity, now i finally have time to go and do things other than chasing schedules and notes. i learned that one of my fav band, depeche mode, have released a brand new album in march. so i caught up with that. delta machine is breaking my heart. depeche mode always been on top quality for writing, but their lyrics in this little journey of falling in love to manifestation of love, to its inevitable end, is really doing my head in. http://youtu.be/BdEZq6F7SEM ... i couldnt save your soul, i couldnt even take you home i couldnt fill that hole alone... there's a thin grey line between the black and white it's evidently hard to find at night... the idea of being alone after tasting what it is like to be with someone, intertwined and mangled together, that upon separation, the two individuals who has been one, is no longer a whole, but a maimed mess of flesh and blood- and to make matters even more complicated, one of my...

http://youtu.be/86dSerwbIMw death be not proud, from holy sonnets of john donn, set by benjamin britten; ian bostridge and graham johnson *ronandini pieta, 1564 this eve, i will go up north to meet family, now we are five, not six. wait, we are six this evening i think.  the wee one will be with us.  in small fragments, embedded deeply in each heart, continuing to pulse and send the warm blood out, right to the fingertips and little piggies, then back, carrying worries, happiness, disappointment and of course, joy. when i was a kid, i saw my family as: 3 + 3 = 6 three little unruly kids and three adults. when i moved out, i saw it as: 1 + 3 + 2 = 6 me, loner, adults who deemed me crazy and bros years later, then my older bro moved out: 1 + 1 + ( 3+1 ) = 6 gabe never moved out. in fact, he was well on way ton convince the three adults to buy a house with basement apartment, so that he may live like a proper baby brother. then he rolled the car and that was...

Henry Ossawa Tanner, Resurrection of Lazarus, 1896, Public Domain. the shortest verse of the bible intrigues and baffles me: Edákrusen ho Iēsous jesus wept (john 11:35) ?! as a child in sunday school, it was impossible to understand: why would he? he could do anything? and he does?! why are YOU crying? in the story, lazarus, his best bud, is dies.  jesus heard that lazarus is ill, however, got there too late- lazarus was no more. he wept. now, that makes sense. what does not make sense:  then he resurrects lazarus.  in my eyes, jesus had nothing to cry about- may be he mustve cried because the rest were crying- much like bunch of children, when one starts to cry, the rest often joins in.  may be he cried to show that he belonged with them, in common experience of death of lazarus.  but it wasnt like he was never going to see lazarus- didnt he come to talk about afterlife? one must believe in it to convince people about it? if anyone was goin...

http://youtu.be/J_jW5X3szMw  so many thoughts and people wafting through my mind today- like the famous crossings of shibuya, tokyo. as season changes, snow and mountains of workload melts away, to make room for the new. underneath it all, there they were- fragments of pasts and what may become future. the night time solitude draws out the most tender feelings- they hibernated underneath the storm of mundane tasks of daily grind, till the softest new leaf could break through the smallest crack of the proletariat asphalt. though theyve been there for the entire winter, only getting noticed now- carrying the smallest portion of what the stories may have been- who did that toy ring belonged to? did she cry when she lost it? who wouldve tossed that fag end? in frustration or jest? in bravado or with reluctance, knowing that's the last one in the box? they lie naked on the sidewalk, in faded glory.  as people pass it by, stepping on and on. pot of tea sits, 4am bitte...

http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/artist_videos/2938003 *small golden sparks from the tango cafe eve often, after a good bonfire, the ground stays warm over night. an echo that rings through, carrying the sparks of the night well into the back of one's mind, always there, burning bright and effortlessly. the tango cafe event was a roaring success. we packed the venue- probably the most people ed had to pack into gallery 345 ever (so said he!), and we had dancers- through the entire second half. people got up and chatted, held one another in embrace, adored graceful slivers of human life- against all the roughness and the difficulties of daily life.  i find it shocking to think about one's daily 'required' tasks and how violent and vicious they may be- for instance,  eating: mastication: bearing teeth and consuming living things, pulverizing, tearing, swallowing- covered in mucus (saliva), to take things into long and bacteria-ful digestive sys...

on friday, my idea of three concerts in spring will come reality once again, concerto no. 2: tango! with small idea, i got a core group of people interested and the thing just grew (thanks to beautiful soo for being eager and enthusiastic. sometimes when there is a good thing to happen, it's hard to sit still and do the daily mundane... haha), and by friday night rolls, we will have amazing accordion player, gusty bassist, romantic cellist, a young and enthusiastic violinist and older and experienced, yet still enthusiastic violinist,  a quiet yet sharp-humoured guitarist and an unruly monkey on piano. for me, the best thing about being a musician is well, being alive and being able to enjoy certain kind of flexibility. while in school (and working in school), it is easy to forget why all these things matter- practice, assignments, classes, even playing sometimes.  i think it's inevitable- as soon as there are rigid structure, it can either help you to be produ...

'habemus papam.' two antiquated words rang through me as i was walking through manulife centre, bay-bloor radio. i stopped. ah, a new chapter, it arrived with vigor and sense of nice surprise. i worked at a local catholic church from age 14-22.  as the main mass organist, my friday nights were spent with the choir and my sunday mornings were full of sleep and sermons, all at the same time.  it is hard to appreciate at that age, what such tradition may hold, especially if the event is closely linked with pocket money income! i was raised as a catholic, baptised as soon as they could, as i was a preemie and no one wanted to see me run away to purgatory. my name cecilia was chosen by family friend nun at the local parish.  mom was active with the community and we always had church people in and out of the house.  my kindergarten was attached to the church and i went on a bus (couple stops), with two other boys, monday to friday.  as i walk past the sanctuar...

as it's march break, there were many kiddies around... and as i got my hair cut, i was running around town. and as always, with open ears. couple funny things that i overheard: A: --but that audi has four cylinders! B: but what about the torque? - both kids were no older than 10 years old, i swear. A: but it was a quiet one! B: dude, silent fart still is a fart, even when it doesnt sing... - somewhere on bloor st. west, two boys. A: - so i got 62%, i thought i would get 65% and pass, B: well, i donno what to say- A: what did you get? B: i dont read numbers, i just look at the letter grade, C- A: he said average was 73%? B: yeah, so many people did worse than us! *passer-by man shakes head violently. -right through ryerson campus

1. you think i have control issue (fair) 2. may be it's because you also have control issue? (i think very fair) because, you see, if you are not trying to control me, perhaps you would not think im trying to control you.... this makes me feel inquisitive (what am i doing?) and silly (eeeek. didnt mean to be oppressive). perhaps the balance is in accepting the fact we all have desires and ideas and we need to let certain decisions to be made, if brutally put, regardless of individual principles.  however, i will try to not forget that if someone finds another oppressive, perhaps it's a mutual situation. heck, it's usually a mutual situation. after all, we care because we love. including conflicts, ha! loads love! :)