a day in the life of piano monkey

time has flew by and by the time i looked at the calendar today, it has been a month since gabe died.  i wonder what he was doing this time about a month ago? finishing things in tofino and starting pack up to head to kelowna, yes. that would be it.  i wonder if he knew that it would have been his last journey that he would carry on his own?  i say that specifically because in my opinion, his journeys continued on even though he lost control of the car- to a surprising conclusion. then another journey from the scene to the morgue. morgue to the crematorium. then a ride back home, in a silver projectile, as i carried him in a little neat box.  to the church for a farewell, then to the cool ground.  and would that be all? i disagree. i will certainly be carrying a part of him to uk when i head off in couple days.  what part? how much? i have no idea. but i can tell you that he will be permeating through my thoughts, as he does now. i am som...

(from community of st johns, princeville, illinois, 2007 visit) the things i got done for gabe recently: clean up his room (26 lighters found so far) got his parking ticket sorted out got his student loan sorted out got his credit card sorted out got his phone bill sorted out got his banking sorted out apply for canadian pension plan stuff apply for b.c. insurance stuff sent off 7 thank you cards things in process: waiting for his last paycheque get his 407 ETR account sorted out finish writing thank you cards (will kill me) call the embassy meanwhile, along with a nasty cold (i thought i was dying seriously, coughing my sides out), with sunshine (high of 28 yesterday), also with constipated sky threatening rain (that would be today), i am looking into the first long wknd of the summer, victoria day wkind, it is the unofficial start of the summer.  my god, where did the spring go?  well. i know and you know where it went.  cant believe i...

i do must add though, there are much happy things and beauties. generosities. laughters. just did not quite make it into these doodles. anyone who have doodled extensively will tell you: the pen/pencil leads you, not your brain! haha. perhaps it is the aftermath of more paper works. but! rest be assured. things are well and love to you all. your monkey, not paying attention (doodoodoodling)

(yellow birds on branches, brandi milosavich, mixed media on pane, 21x28, found on web) t he entire wknd was rather busy and full of emotions, overflowing into monday early morning... 230am already.   friday was the day of playing music and recording.  saturday was catching up, house work and taking my bro's best buddy (really, theyve known each other since the moment his family moved to canada. and theyve been... inseparable) whom i should come up with a suitable name.  giving someone a moniker on this blog is not an easy task at times, i say. anyways. i may call him mr. joe odagiri, after the japanese actor. yep. he is that stylish. always have been and still is. i thought it was rather funny to meet him up for a sat eve sake at the ultra trendy and hot izakaya spot: guu, as it seemed almost too well-contextualized.  like one of those asian romantic comics.  loss of friend, meeting with the older sister of the deceased, young and full of emo...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgsgDp0o7pM&fmt=18 ...tonight, in quiet city, soaked with a little rain, like the nightingale blood on your card, i feel a little thrust of fine needle a little deeper in my heart. thank the lord that it's strong and well thanks to everyone, especially you, you have loved me with no conditions, you have let me be who i am and who i need to be, and you still do love me, miraculously and i am here, i see the blood of my heart and i see your blood. nightingale, soothing a tired, red-eyed monkey, taking my small tail over worn eyes of the day, bringing in hypnos while keeping his dark mother nyx at bay, carefully removing just a little more of my thorns, which you took and took in with you, with the bits that you like of me, with other bits that you may still have to find from me, and dropped the crimson dot on tabula rasa with multitude of your feelings- of sorry, comfort, love, humanism and unspeakable tenderness. the tenderness ...

gabe, did you know that there is a tree growing for you in the faraway land of israel? there is. a young tree. hopefully. upward. green. living. gabe, so many people have sent you good wishes. even more have send me warmest thoughts.  it's been a real long two weeks, picking after you, including insurance folks, sketchy rental agency and the infamous cred card people. who know who else is still there. but i did laugh quite a bit with your bowling ball and 23 lighters so far.  of your little stuffy toys and silly pictures of you and your friends. i have not gone back home since last week. i didnt have much time nor i wanted to go back. i have decided that i also need to tend to things in my life, even with a great disruption. much like the recent volcanic eruption and the traffic logistical nightmare in europe. there are only so much one could do, but it still need to be done. ive been talking to a few people, especially my bassoon-related and trumpet-r...

mothers' day is a different one this year it will never be the same a comfort of ritual, of small gathering now broken ripped away furious violation of the young with the old a mother with one less child a mother with a child who have lost a child it is a day that i cannot say happy mothers' day happy for what, i may ask- why is it always about happiness the world that is full of possibilities as much as of misfortune suffering grievance of irreplaceable loss of the days of unspeakable feelings for twenty-eight years she have spent in nurturing bickering convincing and being convinced for the days- for how long, we do not know yet, she now can only remember reminisce the allure of graspable existence of a lost child deep in her heart each beating moment the mother consoling a child who has lost one of his own two different mothers confined in the same invisible grid of bereavement leans to one another in front of a cemet...

thank you. more glimpse of hopes in my mind. lone bird pregnant with hope by ms. irene oore of halixa the whippet with playfulness by mr. minnow

are people mean due greed or stupidity? sometimes it completely baffles me and i am seeing lots and lots of ridiculousness recently (thanks gabe).  the latest one to join my hall-of-infame-of-incredibles would be gabe's rental car person/company/whatever it is. so from the police's collection of gabe's things, i have found a small piece of paper that must be a receipt.  this lovely piece of paper has my bro's name and dates, total fee charged (356 i think?), a small note underneath of outstanding balance (36 bucks), decline of renting of GPS and unreadable signature (there's no information of issuer. no name. no address. no nothing).  on the back, it has a name and a phone number.  i thought: surely, this cant be the receipt? so ive been trying to catch who he has been calling last week and ran into this rental persons.  according to the rcmp, it's all been taken care of (the wreck of the car) and there's no more to be discussed.so las...

*this was a beautiful speckle of compassion that landed on empty monkey hands during the trials of last (and this) week.  courtesy of beautiful silvery fish. thank you. you are amazing. dear all, it's been a  quite a long journey, the stretch of a week seems as long as- or even weirder, short as a flash.  the news, flight, phone calls, identification, cremation, funeral, now tidying after.  did i really go through so many people and did so many things? it seems inconceivable at times. however, i did identify him, just a bit hurt than usual, and once i picked him up from the airport, i did not let him out of my lap until the time i let granny hold him at home, finally.  during the service, i walked with him and i have carried him out and laid him in fresh ground, wet with a light rain and mixed sunshine. and i am getting to know this wee kid in a very funny sense.  for instance, so far, i have discovered total of 23 lighters in his...

sometimes i am amazed about the unexpected interactions with others.  some are good and some are better. some are worse and a few are truly outstandingly crazy.  i am starting to wrap my bro's life, staring from the phone bill to bank account, etc.  and there are many funny things that came up today.  for instance, i went to the bank to see how i would start to the process to close his account.  well, the current balance of his account was in triple digits, including the decimals.  i started to laugh as clearly, this young man knew how to stretch his cash (and vicariously, others' cash as well).  smooth roller. great. ahahaha. however, i completely exploded on capital one credit card company.  i never had such an incompetent service in my entire life. and though i have lived not so much, i have called all kinds of financial institutions in all kinds of locations.  and this one, i swear, gets the WTF monument.  and ...

my brother gabriel (korean name: geon, from chinese letter, 'to establish') lee was born as the third child, the baby of mr. and mrs. lee on 25, august, 1981 in seoul, south korea.  i dont remember much since there's only two years of age difference, but from pictures, he was a rather chunky little happy baby. he grew up in seoul with granny, mom/dad and mike and i.  because we are all close in age, we had much bickering, beating, punishing and general tomfoolery.  the third kid was the one with fleet feet, keen nose for trouble and lightening-fast action for mischief. we moved to toronto in 1992, and much to my dismay, i was put into same school with gabe once again (right before that, i just started junior high and was pretty excited about going to school by myself).  at st. gabe's, we made much fun of our ESL classes and often tried to express 'academic' superiority over one another.  i went off to loretto abbey and he eventually went to brebeuf. whil...