a day in the life of piano monkey

my wee brother and i were always 2 years 2 months 20 and 2 days apart.  it was often a matter of fact for him to give me list of things that he wanted- he would say 60% (3 out of 5 wish list things) could be rounded up to 100% which really ticked me off (as i have not gotten anything from him in recent years! haha). i have numerous curious black-blue dots on random points of my body.  hands. elbows. calf. even on the middle of my back (right behind my heart, it was described).  he once asked me what those things were- i wondered if he was trying to be cute. 'of course, it's the pencil marks.' he looked at me with a slant, trying to figure out which part of me was the mad bit; alas, i had to remind him that thanks to brothers, i am covered in remarkable constellation map of some random universe, lovingly marked by my own flesh and blood siblings, each hand done with a sharp pencil.  and of course, there was no silence but a insistent denial of such episode(s). ...

i was going to look up to see why the city feels funny this evening.  well, then i realized exactly why- it's another full moon.  with weather like today- we had hail, flurry, slit, rain at 45' angle, sunshine, everything, it is impossible not to look up when everything suddenly look crisp clear.  yep, it's rather cold for april as well.  egg moon for the april.  this year, it falls on tomorrow. last year, it fell on 28 april 2010. on that egg moon of 2010, i was waiting for you, gabe.  in kelowna. in a bizarre hotel room where everything looked slick yet it clearly wasnt up to the class it wanted to be. like the wall that looks okay until you realize something isnt at the right angle or something. the wall that's been repainted from another batch of paint. your friends were quietly talking amongst themselves and mike dropped into the conversation. i was probably writing.  desperately. 356 days ago. identification.  i met you in a complete...

hello wee bro! hope you are chillin'well while monkey's been burning 12 hours days. well, i know, i should be better organized but i do have to say that some family chores ate up some serious hours as well this week.  me and dad finally made an appointment at the cemetery to order your grave monument.  never i thought i would be taking the york transit bus on a freezing cold day to meet dad at the cemetery to discuss the 'aesthetics' (they say) or 'costs' (as i say) haha.  but that's what needed to happen. did you know that you cant even really just walk into the cemetery for these things? there has been line ups, i was told. crazy. i never knew. correction. i never have thought about. mom's been quite anxious about getting your 'name card,' she really wanted to have one done by your first anniversary.  and well, it'll be a little late, as it's been 11 months and 11 days (coincidence.  you know i like symmetry eh?) and it will take appr...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v =veGF9Vjo_IE it's lunar new year.  another circle around the sun, carefully counted by the quiet moon.  though in my year in banff, i have learned that moon, when she wants to, can speak clearly and brightly, changing the entire world by turning it into millions of shades in monochrome.  and in yyz, the last day of last year was full of snow, where the wind carried them upward, against the fall of gravity- snow wasnt falling. it was blowing. flying. anything but settling. i called briefly to wish my family a happy new year. in midst of the daily grind, we spoke briefly, wishing the best,  using only plain words, nothing extravagant or elaborate.  perhaps all we wanted to say is that (i) love (you).   it's quite unsettling time for many different things.  but then since i have finished my last degree, things havent been settled really, so it's really not a surprise.  rather than growing a root in a place and nurtur...

dear gabe, the eighth month anniv of your passing was rather quiet, blanketed by the boxing day craze- in lieu of gatherings and parties on top of this commercial maelstrom, it was quite difficult to keep in mind.  i was with mr. minnow's family and thought it was important that i be engaged and interactive. sounds like a science exhibition, no? but rest assured, sadly, you were in my mind. the whole time. especially when the cold moon, the last of the full moons of 2010, was up and bright, full and blue, illuminating through the hills of england, where i wanted to bring you rather eagerly. the roads here are often swamped by the fogs.  the kind of fog that makes one a bit hesitant if one is not versed well with the local geography.  after couple days of real cold spell, we have regained the usual winter weather of england- wet and wetter.  the snow started to melt and the bit of sun that tried to crash through the blanket of clouds left the fogs rising and falli...

One of the most important moons of the year, harvest moon, came and went just a few days ago, on Wednesday.  While i was growing up in korea, it used to be a huge deal- families move across the country, a temporary migration for just couple days.  the small quaint country villages will be full of children and their children returning to the old roots, looking and finding what have happened since the lunar new years (another big migration day).   Much suppressed issues would surface, the in-laws and in-families in general dealing with all kinds of small daily explosions, inevitable really, when that many stranger-families are crammed into the living quarters.  There are much litanies of daughters-in-law about the works they must do without a single word of thanks, about husbands and sons who cannot satisfy either of their ladies and so on.  It is rather comical to think of all these small catastrophes happening simultaneously across the country.  I bet ...

(art from nataliedee.com. yeah for cake) hello wee brother.  your first negative birthday was an eventful one at the least. first of all, someone has already taken the kind liberty of dedicating you a mass on your birthday.  so couple weeks ago, the older ladies of the house freaked out that you wont get a mass on 25th. seems that it was no worries to begin with.  so though it's during the weekday and that mom/dad had power outage at the store in the earlier day (probably brown outs with all those suburban houses i swear), we all decided to have a mass-get-together kinda thing. ironically, we forgot, well, dad forgot to read the line that says: 'this mass will be a private service,' as the priest was going to be away from the city during a short retreat with the altar boys. so after much commotion, we got there to learn that your mass was in fact, being served somewhere in nice outside park of ontario.  koodos for style man. then we went...

i t is mr. minnow's birthday today, and according to british summer time zone, he's got about fifteen minutes till the day is over.  as much as i would like to be with him, it's not possible this year.  it does suck a bit, as i wasnt there last year either.  i looked into getting there on a surprise whim though the problem really was how to get back: going to uk was perfectly doable with a very cheap flight, but there were no real way to get back till september, without paying with arm/leg/chosen body part.  instead, monkey's here in yyz, thinking about the idea of birthday. i understand that birthday celebration can be quite artificial.  it's just another day to everyone else i suppose.  there are many people who shares birthdays and it is often common to move the 'celebration' to another day for everyone's convenience anyhow.  when you see another person, it is a given factor that the person would have a birthday, regard...

this morning was a strange one for a change.  it is amusing and amazing what depth and surprises the subconscious can hold.  it often is surprising to see what your mind could portray in a dream- i think it is very fortunate certain moments in a dream cannot be caught, as it often include much tabooed ideas and situations.  as an insomniac, i do not get to dream very often, if remember it at all.  often it's just fragmented thoughts that leaves me very puzzled.  however, this morning was graced by rather clear, perhaps too clear of thoughts.  one of those dreams which are even more vivid than the reality. the ones that you almost wish that it was true (well, partially anyways.) sleeping well has been a real nice change from the bustle of the town.  and i am somewhat glad though i woke with enough tears and snots to wonder whether i had a water main problem in my sinus. i have no idea where i was or doing what, but at certain poi...

i am somewhat ashamed about the recent silence in monkey life, as it has been rather full of nice things. i am almost finished with wrapping up gabe's businesses.  there was much merriment in toronto as former nebraskans- my best mexican friend and adopted japanese sister from the doctoral prog days have come up for a visit. we have not seen one another for a long time and weirdly enough, it was as if time have never passed. we ate and drank like... we used to, i suppose, hahaha.  very unusual for monkey in toronto though, late nights (well, early i guess, wrapping up and arriving to home at 3 am) fueled by superb beer selection (if you are in toronto, check out bar volo. amazing. simply put) and great food.  we went chinese, sushi, izakaya, persian, kensington market fruitstalls, coffee shops, aforementioned bar volo, markham area chinese/japanese all-you-can-eat (at which point, mexican and canadian friends became... comatose), vegetarian/vegan, pizza...  though we...

time has flew by and by the time i looked at the calendar today, it has been a month since gabe died.  i wonder what he was doing this time about a month ago? finishing things in tofino and starting pack up to head to kelowna, yes. that would be it.  i wonder if he knew that it would have been his last journey that he would carry on his own?  i say that specifically because in my opinion, his journeys continued on even though he lost control of the car- to a surprising conclusion. then another journey from the scene to the morgue. morgue to the crematorium. then a ride back home, in a silver projectile, as i carried him in a little neat box.  to the church for a farewell, then to the cool ground.  and would that be all? i disagree. i will certainly be carrying a part of him to uk when i head off in couple days.  what part? how much? i have no idea. but i can tell you that he will be permeating through my thoughts, as he does now. i am som...