a day in the life of piano monkey

i am notorious for not wanting to watch a movie. movie and tvs, for some unknown reason, i always try to avoid being involved with those two particular mediums. i cant quiet figure it out but i think it may have to do with the fact that once one sits down on that theater chair, one must (though there is hardly any enforcer really) sit down to the end of it and 'enjoy' it (or something). or is it the fact that both mediums try to offer (big question mark on 'try') a comprehensive package of something- while sorely lacking most of the 'real' experiences it tries to portray (for instance, there's no 'smell' in a movie. impossible, yet, sense of smell is one of the most powerful sensory experiences of all). also the fact that majority of the sensory stimulation from such mediums (aural, visual) tend to create an invisible cage for one's own imagination. well, i think that's why people frequently complain about the crap translation of a book to a

it's spitting rain here in toronto and i just came back from the latest harry potter movie. hearing people complaining about the movie was hilarious: well people, that's why books can be such an entertaining medium- everyone gets to make their own little world full of sensuous clues pulled off from the simple black-on-white pages. really. what is a book? in the most conventional physical sense, it's pieces of paper usually binded with glue (well some old school books have been properly stitched), with covers (either hard binding or paperbinding), and pages and texts in usual black ink (sometimes you see coloured ones, especially in case of picture books). ya, i know. it's simple isnt it. we all see it and we all know exactly what it is. but do we? some books hold more magic than its cover, and some books are just outright confusing. some are full of facts and some are full of narratives and ideas. fiction. nonfiction. poetry. prose. essays. stream of consciousness. you

the sky has a gigantic rip in yyz today layers and layers of clouds desperate to patch it up but alas no use, the city is drenched with water, once graceful and clear now just furiously pushing toward the public sewer all grimes dirts parts of unknown things all swirling into numerous small angry maelstroms and i am soaked to my toes, through my shoes chilled wet pathetic in the city where it's all shades of cold, concrete grey, i am a pale blue ghost of a self empty sack of skin as if someone has sucked the life-sustaining blood out of me, leaving me only with skin and bones, barely hung together, then further drenched in cold summer rain kind of the day where one is tempted to slit a wrist of something just for some colour. among the sense of needless desperation i ran through the rain with an umbrella, also broken, hinges torn, a thin metal skeleton which no longer fits into itself the black nylon hangs limp, an umbrella that does not block the rain.

today started in mild, unassuming manner, then it spiraled into one of the weirdest day monkey had in a good while. funny enough, none of the major events (that's right, two major weird things. i thought one would be sufficient) concerns me directly, which puts me clearly over the line of active involvement. so here i am, looking from the third person's point of view, all kind of confused and a bit contemplative. since i am going to be staying in toronto for awhile, i am filling in for the organist position at my old work. the pay's alright and the work isnt too bad really; and above all, i swear that monkey's adult family members (mom/dad/granny) are way too happy to drag her around the house of god. and it is also nice to run into old choir members and etc., oh only if i could evade some questions life could be much nicer. i still have no idea why they ask certain questions and why they want to know such personal things about other peoples' lives- i mean, do

a short one. i had 1.5 pints and am quite sleepy from it. good old friends from utoronto days. and unexpected quark running- to my old friend who is leaving town on sunday to study ethnomusicology in texas! what a variety of people. the topics of the night were all over the place, as people are also all over the map. but out of all those people, i have to say the company of particular fluties (thats what i have been calling them for ages for some reason), esp. miss LB and miss CH are always enjoyable. and i am glad to think that it's mutual- yay. miss L's off to start masters of music-flute in montreal and miss CH's been working diligently on her phd thesis ever since the unicorn appeared (last year her university had so many ups and downs and i have a great admiration for the way she dealt with all that paper crap and going to UN meetings blah blah so many things. she's a super woman). and mr. AN is about to start a degree at utoronto, which is pretty sweet. fab. btw,

last night i was lounging around the cyberspace doing not much but really, wasting time. but serious, who, of any of us, could really say that they have never wasted time in their lives? if so, well.. i say you are either 1. crazily hopefully or 2. crazy. and i cannot remember how i got into the topic of lewis caroll and his books, notably alice in wonderland, through the looking glass and what alice found there. naturally, monkey got into her favorite time-waster: word chewing. etymology is one of the most fascinating things in my life. i think it probably dates way back to the time when she was transplanted to anglosphere of canada at age of 12. when i moved to toronto, i did not speak a word of english nor i ever thought i would be going across the world, exactly one of the farthest point from her previous location (it's about 12-13 hours of difference between seoul and toronto, total reversal of night and day hence, furthest from one another). instead of going to a popular uber

today was spent obeying tempers of god and my gene pools. after what seems to be a real amusing if not amazingly not-entertaining conversations about 'correct dosage of vitamins one should consume when expose to abnormal amount of radiations, such as in airplane cabin,' kindly provided by my random seatmate, monkey was dropped with mercy at my parent's house in north end of toronto, at some ungodly time after pumpkin hours. actually, i stand corrected. it wasnt exactly a conversation. as a conversation would imply at least somewhat reasonably interested replies and further inquiries from one party to another. this was a rather.. unexpected and unasked case of pseud- holistic approach to plane ride to preserve the 'natural state' of one's body. the most amusing part was perhaps the fact i was continuously thinking that there is nothing, absolutely nothing natural about being hurled across the big open sky in a large metal object that consumes ungodly amount of fu

thursday july 16, 2009, today is one of the last few days left in banff summer session. now, a brief assessment, as it would be impossible to tell what i would actually retain and remember, in contrast to what i may would like or not like to take with me. only thing i could possibly know is what i think at this very point. being in banff for the second time was a bit of surprise in a sense so many feelings came back to visit and so much of new things came on way as well. silly enough, i also had one of the worst beginning of a festival, with well-prepped and demanding instrumentalists (i think it is great that they were all so ready to play and demand what they wanted; i just wish there was a bit of time for me to absorb it a bit before we went 'public' haha) doubled with vistas food attack (now that i have a self-imposed policy of eating at vistas only once a day, it's all been an okay ride, thank god) it was rather rough. then things got even better with flipping out on t

from the many passing news and notices of the world, i have found a very particular report intriguing and significant. about death of certain individuals who i have never met or seen. someone who is rather far, but somehow ended up being not too far from monkey in the grand sense of the world- esp. when you take the consideration of how many people are actually living and breathing in this world: According to the International Programs Center, U.S. Census Bureau, the total population of the World, projected to 07/15/09 at 05:11 GMT (EST+5) is 6,771,165,967. so then why does this particular death, which really should as significant as any other generic birth strike such a note? well. because it was a choice. and because it was not just a death, but of two persons. sir ted downes, a british conductor at age of 85 took hand of his wife, joan downes at age of 74 with terminal illness, and went into the land of the truly unknown at the iconic swiss euthanasia clinic, dignitas. with over hal

hullo(mellowed out) mmm. opiate. tasty. joking! really?? *seriously it is just painkillers for popped shoulder. monkey took a spec-ta-cu-lar flip on ground on air and took a shoulder out. am good. (wag index finger) may be.. too good!! anyhows. sorry, monkey's being nutters. ahahaha. am rolling into bed, tail curled and tucked underneath the shirt which is a little wet from ice pack but am happy *monkey cant really raise right arm enough to take a shirt off so. that meant going to bed with the same shirt on. hmm. oh well. knowing that you are there, well. here. breathing. living. loving. busy being _____. am sorry ive been a lousy-ish company, and i do really appreciate the fact that i can just be myself, even when it's less than spectacular times, that i am loved. because i happened to be me. and that you just need me. not a version or me, or just part of me, but me. thank you ______. i love you and now monkey to basket. and. boy. when i think of you, it flutters. butterflies.

3:3 Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived. 3:4 Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neither let the light shine upon it. 3:5 Let darkness and the shadow of death stain it; let a cloud dwell upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it. 3:6 As for that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months. 3:7 Lo, let that night be solitary, let no joyful voice come therein. 3:8 Let them curse it that curse the day, who are ready to raise up their mourning. 3:9 Let the stars of the twilight thereof be dark; let it look for light, but have none; neither let it see the dawning of the day: 3:10 Because it shut not up the doors of my mother's womb, nor hid sorrow from mine eyes. 3:11 Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly? 3:12 Why did the knees prevent me? or why the

a short prog report for the day, im antsy to get outta my studio however am cautious about bringing my laptop back to my room ( i shall never sleep again)- but since am on a concert tomorrow evening, may as well to get some sort of rests. luckily monkey does not have a major playing-related injury (thanks to laziness), but that doesnt mean that i would need one nor i should get one. also perhaps depressurizing may be good for a change- ive been adding all sorts of unnecessary pressure to the days and i dont think it's all that nice. time to grow up a bit. also lessons tomorrow morning and i really wanna play well. so. a short dot. before. exit. out. to. freedom. really? haha probably not. it's always a funny thing, often one does things because one NEEDS to, but for some reason, one (well i do) also often laments about it. for instance, after all those small and big breaks i took inbetween playing music, there has been plenty of chances to go do something else, but i have made

the days are faster, harsher and to be honest, surprisingly demanding/abrasive at times. but i suppose it's because i am too sensitive, a big baby. it's a bit of schizophrenic life here as a piano kid. but everyone seems to be holding alright, tall, proud and smiling. well, im kinda dented, but i suppose i can at least squeeze out a silly face. i realize that i may have a look of defeat from the day, but really, it's not appropriate for me to advertise my 'hard' life to others. i know that it's not others' business to be considerate in a sense that i need to perform certain tasks and that they need to be done as well as it could be. simple. what i need to do to get it done, simply should not be their concern, but just mine. because it's my work you see. not their work. i signed and i am working. if i need to produce a certain product, it is my bloody job to deliver what's asked of me, or as much as i could. it's not anything to do with me, but

happy canada day fellow canadians and pro- canadians and everyone in between! just a short one to keep up the current report from banff , alberta . majority of my year 2009 is spent here, looking at mt. rundle . notice the difference between this one and posts from jan - feb ? it's clear! with lots of trees! not much grey left, but hints of various blues, almost plastic- ish evergreens and lots of yellow overtones, in comparison to the winter. this would be monkey's new studio space. a piano, coupla chairs, window looking at tunnel mountain drive. yes. it's still tunnel, though i get to see quite a bit of traffic. cant complain though, still nice. now.. only if all my playing can be this nice. sigh. will work on that. canada day firework; a short stroll to downtown banff (ya i agree that it's kind of an oxymoron, but even an oxymoron can be nice at times?) with another banff repeater. was nice to catch up and yak. esp. because she's awesome. isnt it fu

unexpectedly, surprisingly long day today. day 2 of 21. hmm. the prediction was tears by day 10 (according to my boss)- i beat the odds by couple days i suppose. but i still have to remember that it's not so important- everything is important yes, but only if you make it important. there were some difficult bits during the early day and it led to much unnecessary meltdown. but at the end, all the loose ends are wrapped (or i hope so, i guess if there's still stuff, i will get to find it out tomorrow. oh joy) and i gotta keep things in perspective: even when things do look catastrophic, only a very few will actually turn out to be a catastrophe. i can't please everyone, but it's a damn right thing to try, and even when it doesnt work, one still has to look forward the good things in life, as there are always a plenty of good things. one just have to take the time, breathe, and look away from what seems to be a persisting or acute problem. the world, though one is importa