15.3.14

small frags between madness called march

1. doing one's best does not equate to doing whatever one may do.

2. this polar vortex thing should be called polar PMS. so demanding. so unreasonable.

3. tell people that you love them. after coupla months, my granny often waits till i say 'i love you' before we wrap up the daily conversation. hehe. so nice.

4. before saying 'well, someone liked it,' see if you also liked it.  it is okay to like one's own doing.

5. being methodical and practiced will lead one to be free and expressive. spending one's money however one wants can only result from sane financial planning + execution.

6. playing beautifully written music does not guarantee one to play beautiful. sigh.

7. free things are never free. better to make careful observation then pay the agreeable price. responsible purchasing/contracting.  nothing more futile than making shitty purchase then having to taking it back...

8. what do i need to make people understand double-sided photocopy means front-and-back printing?!  and three-hole punched? 

9. human neck is such a shitty design.  it's  bit like building a rotating pole for a very heavy object with no ground foundation and count-weight, using only layers of hankies around the main pipeline. fail.  

10. falling indoors after walking through snow, ice and sleet for 20 min is even dumber. complacency is a dangerous thing.

11. the other day, buying a piece of gruyere cheese, i thought of one of my best friends. how mundane things become point of joy during the day, thanks to people. i like being a social humanoid.

12. st. paddy drove snakes out of ireland. i demand he come back and drive the puke spots out of toronto downtown streets. gross.

stay warm and lovely, everyone!

2.3.14

adagio assai in deafening silence

winter landscape near a village, c. 1610-15. hendrick avercamp, 
oil on panel, museum of fine arts, boston

http://youtu.be/zCafDY483fU

the difficult month of feburary just left the driveway and we all breathed out a long sigh with relief. shortest month of the year, however, in north america, this year's february has been particularly brutal, full of snow, sludge and heavy ceiling sky with opaque, grey low clouds. no end of grey. unlike the spring rain, which leaves a hint of echo, fragmented silence with each drop, the snow kept coming, muting the deafening silence of stasis, death and melancholy- waking many pensive memories from the past: the things that no longer are, the people who no longer are, the person i wanted to be...

perhaps the rare bright sunshine over the lake ontario this afternoon is seeking forgiveness.  from ourselves. from failing ourselves. from grieving ourselves.

my parents are going through difficult times with their business. a friend left this world with six-heart-splitting letters: cancer.  ive came home at times to shed tears, peeling off the daily scarring- only to earn some more the day after. a very little prometheus monkey, trying to bring in some light to the grey days- then failing, taking little words of hurt and bringing them home, carefully picking them up, one by one, and pierce it through the heart, hoping that i could be better through it.

i grieve in winter, as winter wakes many ghosts of the past.

but may be it'll be all okay. after all, after every feburary, we do get march.

and march always tries with its might, to remind us that we are on the upward swing. to the peak of the sun. apollonian triumph.

a slow, lugubrious greeting to the world from this monkey.
after all, it is okay to be sad. as there is much beauty in sadness.
love.