before we point fingers...(it's a bad form anyhow!)


it's quite weird to see so many people reacting so strongly when the news of kim davis, the kentucky clerk who refused to do her job, met up with pope.  all the sudden, people are crying in despair, waving their hands and calling him a hypocrite.

whoa. chill out for a bit here.

1. pope asking kim davis to change in public would be a poor form. (that would be forceful, whether it's right or not). public shaming or condemnation is not a great way to convert people. remember this is the man who said: who am i to judge?

2. if the meeting was made public, it wouldve been swarmed by 3rd parties, either in support or outrage, which would change the nature of the meeting.

3. popes traditionally give out possibly thousands of rosaries daily. so pope giving kim a rosary is not out of custom, nor it means he personally supports kim.

4. apparently he said: '(kim,) stay strong.'  after all, yes, one should look right into the depth of their reasoning IF they would have any chance in the world in reversing their fundamental philosophy.  and to look into oneself, one needs to be strong.  being strong is not a bad thing! and being strong does not mean one is morally superior or even righteous.  if she is to keep her idea, she needs to be strong. if she is to change her idea, she needs to be strong. bullying someone to be weak, to be pushed over, is not a proper discourse.

i dont think there's reason to panic. weve been duped many times, but remember, he also met prisoners at heavy duty prison in philadelphia and gave blessing and rosaries. doesnt mean that he promotes people to go whack their rival gangs...

if pope francis really did inspire one, this small incident should not pop all their bubble.  if someone was mildly interested, yeah, it's also fine to gossip and pick faults.  i dont think he did himself any favour by agreeing on this meeting, but hey, a man is free to meet whoever he wishes. and if we are to point fingers at things that we do not personally agree with, what is the point of having individuals in this world?  if dalai lama met up with kim, would people have same volatile reaction? and no, he does not stand for an ideal man, he stands for a particular vision: to hold the will of christ in this physical world, and that is subjective, religiously defined, therefore cannot be a universal ideal. i donno.

it is a twisted time and it is an exciting time. it is a scary time yet it is our time.

rather than to fear, perhaps, we should eat fear for breakfast. after fear, courage tastes great.


let us be in peace, at this particular moment-


i just had real good laugh reading some of the comments on dear Facebook regarding the idea of genders and bathroom access in high schools.  here are my thoughts in point-forms so that i do not leak sarcasm, as that is never my intention, to make fun of people.

1. transgenders having access to bathrooms does not have direct correlation to sexual offences in bathrooms.  in other words, equating transgender with potential criminal is logically wrong.  and all visiting adults are supposed to register with the school upon entry to school; therefore the actual pool of possible pedophiles would not change because of the access change (though other sex offences are still possible regardless of age).

2. regardless of gender, individuals' privacy is the issue here. the very idea of genital police in bathrooms is more disconcerting than anything else.

3. it is a cost and space issue to build/update bathrooms. but everything costs money anyhow. and this is important. nothing like that feeling of searching for a bathroom when you need one.

4. anyone who brings up one vs. many people's right, well, we have braille on elevators, aural warnings on cross walks, all-access ramps for non-walkers and nursing rooms/stations for lactating mothers. a majority does not have automatic right to dictate the minority. that's tyranny of majority.

5. i rather opt to be separated from crazies and illogicals. those people are the really dangerous ones, regardless of genders, genitals, whatevers.  and yeah let's not forget the ones who spray. i don't even want to know how that's even possible.

6. for people who quote 'reducing anxiety and confusion for our young children,' what do you think would happen once they are out of this current artificial greenhouse of school/home/helicopter parents? if we can't help them practice making choices, when would they actually learn to make decisions?  don't you want the young adults to practice facing differences and the consequent exploration/resolution of conflicts of interests?

this rigid anger against 'change' may be the real issue regarding the bathrooms.  people are uncomfortable to think beyond status quo.  not so long ago, women could not vote.  we had legal slavery (too bad we have black-market soft-slavery today).  we sterilized mentally ill. we continue to execute people.  we ripped babies out of families and sent them to residential 'schools.'  we have jihadists and crazies who say they are christians doing weird non-jesus based things (which is very different than being a christian)(a small example: ku kux klan is a christian brotherhood eh). united states of america holds 25% of the WORLD'S TOTAL PRISONERS.  we have bankers who broke rules and lost other people's money, only to walk around freely with no real penalties.  we have hate crimes.

whenever we want to be exclusive, we must be reminded of inclusiveness.

and after all, bathroom is a bathroom.
leave the politics out of it. let the people go into title-less stalls and do their business, as there's nothing quite like bladder pressure to make people do erratic things, including terribly dangerous driving.


huh? wha?

frustrated entry 1:

'... see, it is important to think about details, johnny.
"let's eat, grandma!" is a bit different than "let's eat grandma!"'

little kid squirms and then blurts,
'... but everyone know what i meant!
and my name is jonathan!'

hmm. squinting and scratching.

'but you know who i meant, jason.'

frustrated entry 2:

'... okay, jonathan, you can have 1,000 for your birthday party with friends.'

kid leaps into air with joy, cant believe his luck.  parent looks through wallet, gives him whack of dollar bills.

'... but dad, it's only 10 dollars, not 1000-'

'oh, well, it's only coupla zeros. they dont mean anything anyway. should be enough?'


and i sighed.


fiat lux. light fantastic.

the cyclists in yyz have worked very hard to get some bike lanes in town.  and now that we do have some bike lanes installed, a few people who are not true cyclists (yet) ( ! ) has been creating friction with the public in embracing the commute cycling culture by being exclusive- yelling at drivers, pedestrians, break road rules, etc.  this is not a problem caused by cyclists, but caused by people who creates sense of entitlement, people who wants to be exclusive.

recent refugee challenges (yes, this is not a problem for non-refugees, it's a challenge) is also dealt in similar fashion.  here we are sitting in our safe area, discussing and raising fingers about who we would let through and who should be left out.  i understand: a safe community is not a free commodity. it involves everyone's cooperation: taxes, legal honesty, procedures and the respect for the procedures and the willingness to spend the time and energy to make the procedure fair and open as possible.  however, a community is built on the idea of 'common,' and there is no need for it to be exclusive.

pope francis was visiting the philadelphia prison today. aptly named the city of brotherly love, he spoke simply. yes, you may be incarcerated. you may be separated but you are not forgotten. you still belong to us, in the community. within your families, friends, and anyone who believes in making mistakes and fixing those mistakes.  you are not excluded. you are included. you will return home. yes, home, not a house. a home.

most of conflicts tend to faction the involved population.  simplest being us vs. them.  it may be necessary to establish the dual peaks, for the purpose of identification, which hopefully will lead to examination, discussion and a current conclusion (as nothing could be final, YET). but oh it is so easy to forget that establishment of 'we' does not mean the rest of the others are singularly against 'us.' 

cyclists who wants rights of the road must earn respect, like any others, by non-cyclists. the established citizens of the nation, must admit the fact that by the very definition of being 'local' defines them as possible 'non-local' in the future.  if one is a traveler, an explorer, a tourist, we must let others to be a traveler, an explorer, a tourist. and possibly become 'local.'  if we have people who are separated from us for reasons of safety, social penalty and such, we must realize that they, though in physical separation, ex. jail, still do belong with us.

the recent pope visit to the states is bit like a wild fire. it's refreshing to see someone who is capable of evoking questions- genuine and important questions, about belonging to a community. with others. to remind ourselves what it is to live in civilization- and the important pre-requisite: to be civil.  and being civil means to rise (at least) to the minimal requirement, usually set by local laws, and to strive to rise beyond the legality, to be human.

it is a good day to appreciate the world. especially when things seem bleak, the light will remind us what it really is, to be a human. a shadow is an outline created by light. let us not forget darkness exists because of light.  


ikea, the enchanted land

ive been to many ikeas all over the world.

denmark. austria. uk. usa. czech. and canada.

every time the new catalogue hits the mail, i imagine many people picking it up, looking through fantasy houses, much like little kids imagining life in a doll house. they are pretty. they are perfect. then once you grow up a bit, usually old enough to run around the store without parental supervision, people often start to dream up scenarios in these tiny domestic vignettes.  hey in china, people even started to 'live' their day times in stores, sleeping, eating and who knows what. talk about living the dream.  one day, i hope to start composing a short scene for each spreads. i think it would be entertaining...


often i hear complaints about ikea products.  and it makes me laugh a little, as it must be so that so many of us have had (or still have and will have more of) these essential modular life furniture. and so many of us mustve build them as our 'first' adult things, with little hex key and supposedly helpful minimal graphic instructions

weve screamed at them. weve studied on them.  weve broke them. weve thrown parties with them. who have not had a billy book case? filled up a frakta blue shopping bag with various fillings? (my last fillings were broken up shed to the kip)

and yes, i do have to start my ikea visit at the cafe and i do always get a hotdog and a softie at the end of checkout. and yeah, cod roe tube and meatball take-homes rock. but man, the drama of the cafe.

i always see families. friends. young people. old people. people who are buying their first furnitures. people who are new to the country.  people who are entertaining selves, with laptop plugged in. parents with children, hoping to distract them with colourful childrens toys. cheap coffee and decent cakes and food.  i love the fact that all ikea stores start with cafe and ends with hotdog stand.

today in ikea, i saw:

young 20 somethings filling their bottles with little soda as they are leaving the area.  oh so very carefully. they couldnt resist a bit of naughtiness.

a couple checking out with tray of food, the girl sneaking in a last minute decision chocolate pie and the partner girl with a small but humorous sigh.

an old man with four ( ! ) meatball dinners. he sat down and unpacked his bag, took out four tupperwares and start to pack them. then left the cafe.

three girls in private school uniform and dad.  girls 'ewwing' dad for having meatballs. they are having veggie balls.

four teenagers eating the biggest meatball dinners, then polishing up a sandwich each, comparing chicken vs meat vs veggie balls.

little kiddie who ran away from moms' table, starting to finger lick all the used dishes at the 'to be cleaned' area. mom realizes, whisks child, then put him down at his own full dish of fish and chips. he isnt interested though.

all these vignettes.

i like spending my time in ikea. i like seeing a bit of fantasy and bit of reality.

and i walked out without buying any furniture! hooray me.
but next time, i prob have my coffee/cake and a hotdog/softie.
and may be another billy case.


about'em, genders.

i actually do look like this. haha!

for years and years, i wear newboy caps and generally wore whatever i liked.  the day mom decided to let go of her ritual of putting together my clothing, i see it as the day of liberation (of sort); too bad it was simply because she was too busy working at the dry cleaners 16+hrs a day, as first generation immigrants often do...

the overall effect of my preference was an unexpected one.  unexpected because i realized that how i look DOES define minor parts of my identity- to a degree it became confusing/interesting to others.

for instance, i wear jeans most of the time. and shirts. t-shirts, even. from working at the dry cleaners as kiddie helper, i bowed to never buy stuff that needs dry cleaning (reactionary, i know!).

i get my hair cut short, as i cannot stand seeing strands of hair on the floor. and no, im not going to be dedicated enough to chase after them. after all, they are long and thin, which means after certain length, they go limp and die.

i wear many hats and caps as i bike through town. nothing quite like a bit of hat/cap to keep your eyes from getting rained/hailed/snowed/dusted on.

i dont have a particularly feminine bust. genetics.

yes, i do have multiple piercings on left ear, but not the right. it's the non-stage side and i like it that way.

my backpacks are functional ergonomic ones. once in awhile, i think about having a little pretty bag and the thought of 'caring' for a bag in a crammed pub bathroom (ex. hold onto it on my lap and somehow get the business done), makes me laugh. and hey, if i see some unripe pears on sale (like my pears crunchy), where am i going to put them and carry home on a bike? on a little handbag?

so all these things added up, to a certain imaged identity. as end result, i get called 'sir' awful lot (especially in airport lines and such) and get asked if im a lesbian.

nah, it does not bother me. but it does make me wonder: why does it matter?  why are you calling me 'that?'

i think people call me 'sir' at public places probably not because they are interested in my gender but because they need to address me. it's a sure sign of 'hey,' completely devoid of any personal interest. they made their bet and they are wrong. who cares. all they really wanted to tell me is that they wanted me to use line no. 8 at the security check/bank lines/grocery shops.  they arent really interested nor have the time to figure my gender out. so that's all fine. i will get self to line no. 8 and that's that.

for the people who ask me if im a lesbian, well, there are two thoughts:

1. they are nosey: for some reason, not being able to determine other's gender seem to be a communal hobby. i dont understand. what is it to you? why does it matter?  the recent debate about 'all-gendered' toilets or transgender right for picking bathrooms, i mean... all-gendered is fine. that's what stalls are for. close your door and do your stuff. if there are creeps who are going to take advantage of the situation, well, THATS PROBLEM WITH CREEPS NOT TRANSGENDERS. get your stuff straight, afraid people.

2. they think im attractive and could possibly be personally interested: well, thanks. thatt's a compliment. and nah, im likely not to be interested. but hey, flattering.  and if you were asking me purely out of that burning desire to figure my sexual orientation, well, im so unlikely to be interested in you anyhow. so no worries. i got standard. yeah, i know. even I have standard. oops.

girl toys, boy toys. bathrooms. gender rights.

the real question is:
how do we let an individual to be an individual? what can we do to allow such liberty and joy?

if gramma wanna lable the grandgirl a tomboy, she WILL. hey, there will be all kinds of things that will be thrown at the kid during one's lifetime. they may be negative or positive. for instance, the loose term 'princess' really drive me crazy. but for some, it's a great compliment. if one can have a constructive argument or a session to share views, that's great. but when it's not available, one must remember, that the best strength we can cultivate is the identity of self.

let one be who they are.

and if someone else calls me sir today, i probably just say 'yes?'
they usually are embarassed. im usually chuckling.
which line for my groceries? 7? alright!

after all, policing the world seem to drive everyone whove tried to lunatics. being reasonable with the world, may be the key...


tragicomedy collection for a quiet sunday

*we all know what's gonna happen to george...

1. the most beautiful day with mostly empty schedule: perfect set up for delivery - waiting game.

2. when you tell them you wont need cutlery with your takeaway, they pack you several extra. when you desperately need something, anything, you cant find any.

3. that time you remember seeing a working pencil on floor and realize that it is just a recent past memory, as you then valiantly try to scribble something invisibly.

4. being smug about the last tea bag for your thermos and it literally explodes as you pour hot water on it.

5. the feeling of dire hope at ikea that surely, it WILL fit through the door.

6. earlier you need to wake, sleep tends to come later and later.

7.  as you complain about nothing being on telly and that you are getting outta house, the game with no action suddenly gets all the action.

8.  it wasnt a TTC token. it was a 10 cents coin. now what.

9.  spilling a cup of juice on paper towel roll.

10.  cant remember- did i just salt the dry mix for the bread or did i just remembered, to do it?

11. a normal sized person next to you at the theater somehow starts to expand in volume, quietly and exponentially.

12. water-saving toilets and flushing. at someone else's house.

13. congratulating self for remembering to pack that score in haze of sleep. realize it's not in the needed key.

14. getting all hyped from new ikea catalogue. then imagine all those little screws and a wee hex key.

15. the fat pants you were looking for, is the one that you are wearing right now...

16. returning from laundry. one missing fancy sock.

17. you made room to have one donut this eve. it's now late and all donuts are on manager's special, 4 four 2.50. you feel valiant.

18. taking things way to seriously then getting mad when someone suggests chill out.

19. the later the night is, hungrier one gets, and food, oh the glorious food.

20. as you decide to finally floss, gets out from warm bed, turn on the light, the floss roll says 'im empty.'

21.  with resignation, i bought a piano. my salvation is that it's a silent piano. so with right set-up, i cant even make a peep.

happy sunday, lovely people! :D
now somehow, the mixing console makes me sleepy. how does that work. droool.


blind love is not very helpful.


it is certainly a bit of a let-down to pick up my blogging after a rather flat, sensational article. argh! but as rant is a rant, well, i suppose it's appropriate!

the pope is on the move, he's on the go. he's a lovely man and ive loved every word and teaching he has shared with the world so far, breaking down bigotry when it has been truly blind to the bigots themselves. probably myself as well.  after all, if i was aware, i would not choose to stay a bigot*!

it's a rather memorable moment that he is visiting usa and cuba,  as americans are experiencing significant distress over politics of belief systems (though i may dare say that most of the conflicts are not essentially rooted in religions/non-religious, but from social inequality and inflexibility + intolerance), especially heading into next year's election (seriously, what was about that recent US bill that is going to de-fun planned parenthood?! wtheck?)  and that cuba is facing one of the biggest possible changes, opening its doors wide and wider to the world.

and to read such article (above), it's quite disheartening and worrying.  the writer, quoting the old school vatican official, who is not even named (why?), claims that the state is now mocking the church.

oh come on.

how was it disrespectful? all that was said is that list of guests wont be release to the public at this point, and that it may include people who may really need to talk to the church (and similarly, church would need to communicate with these people) about co-existing in peace.

if a guest list is to only include easy audience, i think the whole point of such visit is lost. the fact that pope will have a chance to meet the people who may have contrary ideas in neutral space is important, for everyone to respect the differences of ideas AND TO WORK TOGETHER.

if a catholic was invited to welcome dalai lama, would that be considered an insult? as we love people, we must accept that other people also may love the same people, despite of what may seem to be irreconcilable differences. i find the article a bit to close to war-mongering...

i think the pope is wise and strong man. i dont think he needs people-slamming by some bigoted writer who may have lost the sight of things in the name of love (therefore to protect, shield, separate the pope from possible conflicts and contraversies, much like people who tries to shield their loved ones from anything but impossible state of continuous happiness).  and he certainly would welcome the audience, with courage, i believe.

have a great visit, pope francis! i love your presence in this world very much.

bigot (n.) (Look up bigot at Dictionary.com)
1590s, "sanctimonious person, religious hypocrite," from French bigot (12c.), which is of unknown origin. Earliest French use of the word is as the name of a people apparently in southern Gaul, which led to the now-doubtful, on phonetic grounds, theory that the word comes from Visigothus. The typical use in Old French seems to have been as a derogatory nickname for Normans, the old theory (not universally accepted) being that it springs from their frequent use of the Germanic oath bi God. But OED dismisses in a three-exclamation-mark fury one fanciful version of the "by god" theory as "absurdly incongruous with facts." At the end, not much is left standing except Spanish bigote "mustache," which also has been proposed but not explained, and the chief virtue of which as a source seems to be there is no evidence for or against it.

In support of the "by God" theory, as a surname Bigott, Bygott are attested in Normandy and in England from the 11c., and French name etymology sources (such as Dauzat) explain it as a derogatory name applied by the French to the Normans and representing "by god." The English were known as goddamns 200 years later in Joan of Arc's France, and during World War I Americans serving in France were said to be known as les sommobiches (see also son of a bitch). But the sense development in bigot is difficult to explain. According to Donkin, the modern use first appears in French 16c. This and the earliest English sense, "religious hypocrite," especially a female one, might have been influenced by beguine and the words that cluster around it. Sense extended 1680s to other than religious opinions.