a day in the life of piano monkey

it's a thunder moon. full moon of july. the first one after the summer solstice.  i have never been so in-tune with the moon.  it all started when i got to banff last year. the weird inclination to befriend the night, though it always was there, as long as i could remember, really touched me this year.  especially since gabe died.  infectious fever to look up into the night sky. again and again and again. as one cannot sleep, it's only natural to seek the nightly world i suppose- the one that may be pale and a bit far, quiet, almost eerie. even in the middle of the city of three and a half millions. this evening, i tried to keep my consciousness occupied by editing pictures and doing some silly things. things with no deadlines.  things to keep self busy. things that i could place in between the cracks of thoughts, the cracks that bleeds deeply through myself, a pool of grief, much like the tears of earth i walked on during caving adventures, ...

are people mean due greed or stupidity? sometimes it completely baffles me and i am seeing lots and lots of ridiculousness recently (thanks gabe).  the latest one to join my hall-of-infame-of-incredibles would be gabe's rental car person/company/whatever it is. so from the police's collection of gabe's things, i have found a small piece of paper that must be a receipt.  this lovely piece of paper has my bro's name and dates, total fee charged (356 i think?), a small note underneath of outstanding balance (36 bucks), decline of renting of GPS and unreadable signature (there's no information of issuer. no name. no address. no nothing).  on the back, it has a name and a phone number.  i thought: surely, this cant be the receipt? so ive been trying to catch who he has been calling last week and ran into this rental persons.  according to the rcmp, it's all been taken care of (the wreck of the car) and there's no more to be discussed.so las...

*this was a beautiful speckle of compassion that landed on empty monkey hands during the trials of last (and this) week.  courtesy of beautiful silvery fish. thank you. you are amazing. dear all, it's been a  quite a long journey, the stretch of a week seems as long as- or even weirder, short as a flash.  the news, flight, phone calls, identification, cremation, funeral, now tidying after.  did i really go through so many people and did so many things? it seems inconceivable at times. however, i did identify him, just a bit hurt than usual, and once i picked him up from the airport, i did not let him out of my lap until the time i let granny hold him at home, finally.  during the service, i walked with him and i have carried him out and laid him in fresh ground, wet with a light rain and mixed sunshine. and i am getting to know this wee kid in a very funny sense.  for instance, so far, i have discovered total of 23 lighters in his...

sometimes i am amazed about the unexpected interactions with others.  some are good and some are better. some are worse and a few are truly outstandingly crazy.  i am starting to wrap my bro's life, staring from the phone bill to bank account, etc.  and there are many funny things that came up today.  for instance, i went to the bank to see how i would start to the process to close his account.  well, the current balance of his account was in triple digits, including the decimals.  i started to laugh as clearly, this young man knew how to stretch his cash (and vicariously, others' cash as well).  smooth roller. great. ahahaha. however, i completely exploded on capital one credit card company.  i never had such an incompetent service in my entire life. and though i have lived not so much, i have called all kinds of financial institutions in all kinds of locations.  and this one, i swear, gets the WTF monument.  and ...

my brother gabriel (korean name: geon, from chinese letter, 'to establish') lee was born as the third child, the baby of mr. and mrs. lee on 25, august, 1981 in seoul, south korea.  i dont remember much since there's only two years of age difference, but from pictures, he was a rather chunky little happy baby. he grew up in seoul with granny, mom/dad and mike and i.  because we are all close in age, we had much bickering, beating, punishing and general tomfoolery.  the third kid was the one with fleet feet, keen nose for trouble and lightening-fast action for mischief. we moved to toronto in 1992, and much to my dismay, i was put into same school with gabe once again (right before that, i just started junior high and was pretty excited about going to school by myself).  at st. gabe's, we made much fun of our ESL classes and often tried to express 'academic' superiority over one another.  i went off to loretto abbey and he eventually went to brebeuf. whil...

wickannish inn@ tofino, van island. gabe was here for interview. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfFKM3_Ay8g Going home, going home I'm just going home Quiet light, some still day I'm just going home It's not far, just close by Through an open door Work all done, care laid by Going to fear no more Mother's there expecting me Father's waiting, too Lots of folk gathered there All the friends I knew All the friends I knew I'm going home Nothing's lost, all's gain No more fret nor pain No more stumbling on the way No more longing for the day Going to roam no more Morning star lights the way Restless dream all done Shadows gone, break of day Real life begun There's no break, there's no end Just a living on Wide awake with a smile Going on and on Going home, going home I'm just going home It's not far, just close by Through an open door I am going home I'm just going home (a version...

i am here in kelowna and i am leaving tomorrow. i came to pick my brother up and i will just do that. awesome.  it is a task that i would have never wanted to let anyone else do it. i have no idea why. nevertheless, here i am. am very lucky.  i just wish we can catch the direct flight. fingers crossed. damn. weather forecast says that saturday may rain. that would not be so nice. but it is only 30%.  so even if they were right, it may not rain after all. please hold it till the evening brooding clouds! time has gone fast.  one of my childhood acquittance, fr. john will perform the mass for gabe. ha. i bet neither (or anyone) really saw that one coming.  well, i didnt, for sure.  i am glad that someone who knew him will be leading the service. i am eating all kinds of junk food.  not because i dont have enough time, but because i want to.  decadent in times of suffering? i think much work are to be done from this...

i am here to update on behalf of my brother from kelowna, bc. i do not have the contact of all his friends so i thought, even just for off-chance, i should may be make a small post about the current situation. gabe has been involved in fatal auto accident on 26 april 2010. he was in vancouver attending his affairs- professional and personal,and unfortunately, he was too tired to complete the drive. during the night, he was trying to complete the last leg of the drive from tofino-vancouver-kelowna to see some friends.  but at highway 97, N49'48'18555" and W 119'43'41.424", approx. between 2-230am, he lost the control of the vehicle. it was a human error we believe, and luckily, the death would have been instantaneous.  quite a silver lining. i am not too sure what we are going to do for the memorial services for now, but if you would like further information, please let me know.  by thursday evening, we will be able to bring my brother home.  i am doin...