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Showing posts from February, 2010

idea of return

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though i am away, far away from what would be the closest thing to me as a home (i moved around so much here and there that it is becoming almost stupid to determine what home is anymore. if you are asking for a permanent address, i could answer that very easily- but for 'home'? i have no clue) spring is making its slow slow coming back on this side of the hemisphere. the cyclic nature of certain things in life is very funny. you think for sure, by next year this time (or whatever the uni duration you are using), thing will be different (however it may be, taller, shorter, fatter, skinner, etc etc) or that one will be different (i suppose we all do age somehow. no escaping that at all, understood). so in commemoration of the recent birthday of the wee blog, i went back in time to see what was around last year this time: http://rantmonkeyrant.blogspot.com/2009/02/amusing-but-not-funny-words-list.html and i thought: hmm not such pretty entry there. rather depressing if i may say

happy birthday blog!

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just realized that my blog is now a year and two days old (first entry on 20.02.2009). many thoughts and events have passed and i am somewhat intact, oddly still in the same space: nothing definitive. how silly. im always late for birthday and this also proves to be the case here again. bah. i am glad that i started to write again and i am so grateful for all the people who have shared their joy, travesties, problems, jokes, tears, laughter, ticks, communicable diseases, catholic school guilt, salt, bread, water, beer, photos, time, money (oh yes money), space and sanity. and life. oops. lives. thank you all so much. i cant tell what i have achieved by going through so many little and big things in last year (and two days!) but one thing is for sure: it was a nice ride and i am glad that i am alive, loving and being loved, in midst of celebrations and trials, sharing and offerings, grace and childish hearts. let see what the next bits will bring up. because at this point, there ar

baa

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this is a little lamb who is hiding in the corner, all by itself, quiet and quite snug, in the middle of a crazy busy scene of chagall's la creation de l'homme (1956-1958), which i was so lucky to see in person in recent cote d'azure sojourn (more to come about that later). by complete chance, we found out about this museum on the last day in uk soil. nice! the trip was short, much rain and bit of brilliant sun on the occasions it felt like it. but the day we went to see chagall was one of the most depressing, wet, soggy, relentless, rainy, oppressive, soul-destroying, rainy day. and voila, there they were, beautiful paintings with stories leaping out, all characters always in motion (and keeping dry, bastards) and whilst it was lovely to mingle around strangers among spectacular paintings, i was thinking about this stranger lamb. (okay, so not all were strangers anyhows. especially those generic camera-pointing-mad-tourists. moi? non!) (i left my batteries at home, hence

thanks mr chaucer

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For this was on seynt Volantynys day Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make. ["For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate."] chaucer, parliaments of foules, 1382 i dare say happy valentine's day tonight, it is already over in my current time zone, however, since i quite often straddle both time zones (the eastern standard time zone. i suppose that's going to be home for awhile, whether i like it or not! ahaha the turn of fate!), i am going to scramble to put this last bit out. it is almost scary to think of posting such thoughts as i, ahem, fancy myself as a bit of dry cynical realist, cough cough. saint valentine is a funny one. did you know that there are seven st. valentines who are registered by the roman catholic saints registry? but for 14.02, there is only one st. valentine designated. and believe it or not, it is the unruly red-pen writer chaucer who may have popularized saint valentine with the idea of ro

ode to torn thoughts

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looking into the calendar i see a very simple day none-interested opaque grey sky of gentle rolling hills of silence dotted with occasional bird calls soon, all will break loose with abandon, joy and excitement fiery display of love and affection childish explosions and declarations however gaudy it may appear or shallow and pink it could be may be off white and precious much like a new child's dress no expectations or worries of mud or dirt on the trims i package myself in cynical wrapping paper and gather courage to look right through the faces of lovers of friends of couples of human bonds instead i close my eyes to dark space of silence instead of sharing a heart i am tearing a heart or two.

a zen practice

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one lived in table. no expectations. no fuss. a slow shaving on the outer layer. one part at a time. by dustfuls. naked new skin of the wood and nourishment. a renewed table. a calmer monkey. took hours. with newly found surface, ready to be used, with a mind that is open and no longer desperate. time comes and time goes. and without shedding the old, there'll be no new. but the new already belongs to old. one ceases to exist in definitive terms, but of moving present perspective. many lives crossed in my mind while i stood there in the kitchen and cared for the table. love to you all. ...and i also made a tres leches cake. remembering all my great friends in lincoln, ne, especially! yum...

'you must believe in spring'

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn2qlCqFZt0 ...so in a world of snow, of things that come and go, where what you think you know, you cant be certain of you must believe in spring and... spring approaching here in uk, slowly and even so surely but one must believe that it's coming. perhaps not at the speed i could see, but with the other lives who are much more vulnerable to the harshness of winter. if the birds are back and loudly complain (just a tad) about the wet raindrops in early mornings and the little spring bulbs are out and shooting through the dark earth (though some of them baring their white butts towards the sky- the snow moved them around, what a bully!), then i have to believe in spring, though i cant see it right away. on saturday, a rare crack of smile from the sky, high of 8'c (ridiculous! i know!) and sunshine. the two overgrown children could not help it but to pop out like toasts from the toaster, up the hills to the cracken edge (local hill). a lazy saturd

platform 13

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there has been a death on train lines of manchester piccadilly yesterday morning. all kinds of mayhem ensued from it: closed platforms, cancelled trains, backlogged travellers, all sorts. 31 years male, appears to be hit on with a freight train on platform 13. and the web discussion forum on newspaper articles range from pity to anger, as expected. some had an extra room in their minds to wish the ex-man and the inhabitants of now man-less world of his. some vented frustration over the transit system delays. a few 'condemned' this 'selfish' act. i passed the news by as nothing really happened in this world. there were food on the stove, fire to be fed in the hearth and i was simply too immersed in my world, which was warm and nice. cliche picturesque and beautiful. death? let it pass by, thanks. just as if i would dismiss people handing out various advertisements on the street. i have no idea what they are, but i dont want them- how dare are they to waste paper

im still well, thanks!

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it is hard to believe how fast last couple days have gone. where did they go? anyways. i know couple peeps have been worrying over monkey's mental health. no major worries. i was quiet, but often it's necessary... borrowing a friend's expression: 'like digestion.' touche. i finally booked my ticket to head back to yyz and realized that i still have to find out a way to get out of possible easter manual labour- it falls on 04-04-10 so perhaps it will be a little bit difficult this time, as gene pools have been notified of monkey arriving in vicinity of march. help! with booking that ticket back to north america, i should make it clear that 1. i did make the audition and was offered a space, 2. however there was not enough money to make it a possibility, 3. hence, i will not be attending school in europe for next fall. 4. no, i am not too disappointed, though it would be very easy at this point to feel really bad about it. see, the funny thing is whilst everyone i