rich enough.

tis post-holiday. we all look into balance of life (generally shifted quite a bit after the christmas festivus)- yyz streets are lined thick with financial advertisement, urging people to get their hands into that pot of gold, 'get your RRSP here for the best-ever-super-duper rates!'

the voice is loud enough that even i, the minimalist living being, has been convinced to make three bank appointments in last ten days! yikes.

looking at the numbers on pages, in january, i often feel 'failed.'  how are my peers keep buying houses, pay for extravagant events and keep looking so happy and wealthy?  perhaps it's all of us who feels that way...

anyway, sunday is often lunch with momdad. we often go to silly all-you-can eat and stuff ourselves- very much a blue-collar thing: now we have some time, eat up (instant gratification), along with family and friends (long-term happiness) and hope for better next week.  so amongst talk of tennis, international manufacturing and mom/granny's health (my mom is quite physically dented at the mo), we ate plenty.

on way back downtown, i stopped at a hobby shop, looking for a felting needle (which they did not have).  on way in, i saw a homeless man, sitting on cardboard, as snow continued to come down.  i glanced at his cup- almost empty, felt slight guilt and moved on.

on way back to the subway from the shop, i saw him again. cup almost empty. but what hurt was the fact that he felt so alone- people with zipped hoodies up, trying to get home. he wasnt looking up at people, just curled up in his own headspace.

i didnt have cash (often happens!)

i asked him if he would allow me to get him some sunday lunch.  he quietly got up and hid his cardboard on the corner. i said your pick of place. we walked into wendy's.  i asked what he would like and he simply said: whatever you are willing-

we got him a double burger meal and an extra bottle of water that he may take.

he's from sudbury, been in toronto for twenty years. we talked about the big nickel.

i didnt want to make him feel as if he needed to talk to me in exchange.  but i didnt wanted to push him away if he wanted a sunday lunch social activity.  nickel was a good subject. when his food came out, i bid good bye and went on my way.  he thanked for sunday lunch and bit of break from the cold.

i realized, once again, whatever i may feel and think, the truth is that im rich enough.  im rich enough to extension my lovely sunday lunch with fam to this man.  im the one who is grateful.

life is a funny one. always.


review of 2013... GO!

26 jan - 05 feb: banff!
22 march: tango concert. the best one of the year.
26 april: gabe anniv. i miss you.
02 may: third dental graft in two years. grrr. cost: 350. peanuts! yay!
13 may: verdict on citizenship application: wait and reply. yawn.
june-july: el camino. still processing. st. jean to santiago...
01 september: depeche mode show. such energy and brilliance!
05 october: nuit blanche @ canadian music centre. was def a cool gig.
12 october: PO appendictomy. glad he's going to see 2014...!
14 november: phil nimmons 90th bday concert. glad to survive.
25 november: alison balsom masterclass. rockstar class!
06 december: first-hand hearing of north korean refugees' stories...

i had a great year.
i wonder what 2014 will bring.

i can face anything, with my friends and family standing by me, with support, love, feisty opinions and above all, acceptance. thank you and happy new year. let us roll into another fine mess, after all, life is complicated, brilliant and graceful.


i miss going to bookstores

same book in the store, world's biggest (only copy in yyz): 18 bucks
same book on web-order, deliver to manulife centre: 14 bucks
same book, used, on web-order, deliver to home: 5 bucks
same book, electronic version: 12 bucks

tis a gift, so no electronic version,
author is alive, so will buy a new book (royalty for writer!),
i cant give my copy away, as i love it too much.

the question is: if they ship stuff to downtown for 14 bucks, walking up to a shop to get it myself for 18 bucks makes no sense (extra whooping 21%), so i, once again, did not walked into the book shop.

book shops now look like some sort of nightmare-ish mash of median-level cafe, glitzy gift shop with overbearing desire for intellect. not the greatest scene....?! so many genres but very little depth in the stores- of course, huge stacks of trendy books from best-seller list (which always includes a couple diet-life style books, which is also quite a bizarre thing) and variety of celebrity-endorsed books, along with more lego sets (since when did they get those ugly and vicious expressions?) and third-world produced cheapo tea sets, i rarely find any of the books i truly love in the stores.

giant book stores not only killed small stores, it's also killing my incentive to walk into it... of course, there are used book stores, however, i really do try to buy 'new' copies if the authors are currently alive (so that they may get some royalty out of the book itself)... leaves little choice but to browse on web, which is never the same as taking a book into your hand and slowly see if 'we' may dance.

i miss the sense of adventure in bookstores.