granny you so old you are young again

haha, hard to tell whether it's for a child or a senior.

today, dad,mom,granny were at home, meeting up with the social worker, i was phoning in. the request for this meeting came quite suddenly, as there's a possibility that a bed may be free for granny at a local nursing home.
*yeah this is the shouty lady.

granny's 94, turning 95.

she's been living a long time, long enough that she is now shrinking.

i remember that day i realized that i was taller than her. woot. now she's at least head shorter than i am.

her rings are so big now that she has put yarns around the ring to pad them up. hehe.

she sometimes forgets stuff now, and though she is quite lucid, sometimes she says unrelated things, like a little kid.

when i hold her hands, it's quite tiny. and i have small hands.

mom's in late 60s and while dad's seeking freedom (?) at work, she takes care of granny at home. sometimes she's about to lose her mind, but i guess we all do feel like losing shits at some point, lol.

her nursing-home-to-be is near christie station. makes me a bit happy, as it's not too far from me. my choir has been there, singing, a few times. and i think as they do have a sizeable korean clients, at least she wont be stuck eating cold sandwiches and tuna casserols- this is a hugh plus.

granny knows that she's been on the list for awhile. it's been a long wait. though i dont know how much she understood today.

anyway. so there i was, on the school hallway, asking the social worker to stop shouting into the phone (HAHA OUCH). and momdad carefully answering stuff.

mom later texted to say that they went out for a din.
and that she still has a good appetite.

and it made me tear up.

granny's a little kid.

she held me, im sure, when i wasnt even walking. there are pictures...! she fed me. cleaned after me. yelled at me for being a lazy bum. and we even shared bed till i left home at age 17.

she took care of the house while momdad were busy at the cleaner. once again, we grew with granny.

dang, she took care of a son that was born after her husband was taken away and killed in the war. she fed her son and her sister-in-law's kids. she literally persevered. she was strong. she was a mother, and she was a protector. she fed her life to her son, and us, the rest of the family.

years later, now, the baby's gone first, and here we are, two grandkids who are out of the house, son and daughter in law, who are seniors themselves.  momdad's heading out to s.korea to pick up their dual citizenship for the summer, so it's a great timing- as finding temp location/help seems a bit more complicated than anticipated.

when i go visit, which i havent been able to, for a long while, she always asks me to stay over. i havent, for years, as i really am busy most of the time. but also because somehow, i think if i stay over once, may be she would want it more-

i have her personal history written down a few years ago. when gabe died, momdad asked me if i be down to get granny's eulogy down. so i have that written down. somewhere on my bookcase. i know where it is, but i dont look at/for it.

she's a littliest one now in the family.
she likes to curl up in bed with heating blanket.
she doesnt 'like' walking exercises, and is a big fan of peanut butter sandwiches and chocolate milk.
she grew old that she is now a kid.

i lover her much and i think about the day she will become so small, that she can stay in my heart.
meanwhile, i hope this transition will get her into a nice place.

but the thought of her possibly misunderstanding this 'move' as a 'casting away' made me worry.

may be she'll like it there.
like sending a wee child to childcare for the first time, may be it is hard, but may be it is good. it certainly would be a big plus for everyone for logistics, including HER I HOPE.

my granny became a step younger in my mind today.


doing it right

scene 1:
urgent call req from social worker for granny's nursing home stuff (we are on waitlist),

i keep telling to social worker to speak softer, i cant hear her (old phone, older lady, heavy accent)*holy compression,
so she shouts on the phone.
i ask her to speak softer, slower, while she shouts to me that shes gotta speak up so i can hear her.

effort: 10/10
efficiency: 0/10
scene 2: about 12 hours later,
me wearing my winter coat in the house, sitting by the desk. roomie enters.

roomie: why are you wearing your coat?
me: cold?
roomie: cold?
*goes to check temp/heater
me: no no no, leave it.
roomie: you are cold?
me: no no no, im just eating unhealthy amo of ice cream. it's warmer this way.

congrats to joey, chiara, thomas and chelsea for a lovely sax rep play though!

and i went home and ate ice cream in my coat.
ha ha.


day on fire

sometimes it takes me quite a bit of time to get a day sorted.
for today, i was to cruise through four different locations for four different stuff- and i was so proud when it was all organized....
today turned out to be hilarious instead. so i thought it was worthy of note.

proposed plan was:

before 930am meeting: 5km run@y
930-1030am meeting: psych assessment (client+psychiatrist)@dundas square
-grace through ttc to school (15 min max)
11-12 noon: jury run through for A
12-1: rehearsal for B
1-2: rehearsal for C
-grace through ttc to union station (15 min max)
230-430: translation meeting (client+lawyer)@ front st
-grace through ttc to branksome (20 min)
5-6: teach a lesson for D
-return to school, get brain sorted,
7-9: recital for dearest meredith.

i thought it was a work of art. then the day actually happened like this:

before 930am meeting: rushed 5km run@y,
overslept so had to run faster than i wanted,
930-1030am meeting: client got on bus, then got to the station, to find out subway was out of power, so had to go take uber back home, get the car, and drive down, park and get to appt. 30 min late. so now it's 10-1115am meeting.
11-12 A cannot make it down as car's frozen from the storm over the weekend. briefly contemplated rechecking schedule with B, C but then decided they are super dependable, no need. so got a bagel and got to school with 15 min to practice.
12-1: B thought we were on 1-2. so B literally puts pants on and gets to reh for 1230. i madly text lawyer to see if we can push 230 to 330. 12-1 is now 1230-130.
1-2: is now 130-3, thought it was still gonna be fine, as lawyer wanted to start at 315. thought plenty time.
FUCKING subway fire.
no service from osgoode to king. now i have to leggit from osgoode to 43 front st as fast as i can in slush+grumpy people.
315 start is now 330.
we push right through the meeting, inst. of 230-430, it's now 330-430.
430 bus is late. so i literally chew my fingers out.
455 bus driver goes out of the bus to take a break at bloor. i needed one more stop north of bloor. gets out and leggit once again to branksome.
5-6: teach a lesson for D. she delares that her sister slept over in her bed, didnt get any sleep last night, should just nap at home. i silently muse the option. but we go through some I, IV, V chords for popsong-y stuff.
-return to school, 6-7 reh is running overtime. though the teacher has seen us, she decided to ignore her clock and finish her student's session, 8 min over the hour, which i found somewhat astounding- 730 recital gets 30 min max prep time, so taking 8 min out is huge. it's 27% of final prep time. i wonder if the teacher realizes how she is inconsiderate and disrespectful of other by doing so. prob not.
730 recital.

so sometimes, i just laugh.
you are all-grown up and done! congrats. thanks for inviting me to your last undergrad recital. i was so happy to be part of it. you are LOVELY.

k day, im out. see ya NOT.

i wonder if fate was punishing me for laughing at this last night



whoa sorry blog, it's been ten days since i could not.. get... to.... you.....
ive been buried a little bit, with extra work from all sides.

i am very happy to be part of many different things in life, but this means also that im running around more than usual, and that without people's support, i would be, well, crying in the stairwell at the moment. or at least once a day. HAHA.

fortunately, that never happened.
and i feel supported, loved and cared for. and yeah, lots of laughter. that always helps.

so here it is, a bit thanks list:

matt g, thanks for your humour. you crack me up. it's always good to see you.

arianna, thanks for your grace and poise. share some if you have extra.

meredith, prepping for your 4th year recital is a priority for me this wknd and i am so happy to be part of your journey here at utoronto. you were always beautiful (music and person-wise) and i am so happy for monday!

mateo g, thanks for your humour, esp. last saturday when i just could not find that music HAHAHA... hopefully next year, all the parts will be there for all the things i play for you, lol.

bhavani, it was a great pleasure to meet and play the poulenc trio with you. we must do it again soon! congrats on your recital-

kevin h, as you know, im one of your biggest fan. we must play soon toghther... yea, october? may be?
gemma d, thanks for sharing your music with me. much appreciated... looking forward to polishing this prog.
carter, well-done on super-prepped jury. it was my pleasure to play for you.

lucy, for your lovely presence, honesty and courage, and of course, your playing- it's always getting better. so happy to play!!

ben m, what can i say, taskmaster and a hard worker. i hope youve enjoyed the recital as much as i did.

mike l, nicely done with first year jury- your calm-head is much admired by me- have a great summer...

charles w, that was such nice playing this week. hope your summer's full of great fun.

trix, congrats on taking on and presenting that massive prog. cant believe it's already end of the two years- im so happy to be a friend and yes, beer in may, please.

bridget, you trooper- you work hard and it shows. i hope health returns for spring and that your summer'll be loads fun.

vincenzo, thanks for inviting me to play with you. your flair and sense of fun is infectious and i hope there'll be more fun to be had later.

mitch, im so looking forward to the morrow. we will have a good fun. thanks for letting me part of your prog.

jesse d, always nice to see you. and im always so impressed with your dedication.

aaron t-m, cant believe you are graduating! congrats and lovely job on your 4th year jury.

amy h, thanks for working with my nuts schedule- and this thanks is extended to stephen t as well. thank you thank you.

maria b, hope you had a great time with your jury and best wishes for the rest of the semester.

elena, im looking so forward to polishing your prog- so beautiful. you. and the music.

joey c, chiara, thomas + chelsea, thank you for your infinite patience and the invitation to be part of your journey. i really appreciate the chance to be part of that growth.

nolan, im so glad we are friends. thank you. looking forward to next week! get some sleep...

kira, you are so amazing- and i am so happy to be part of your sounding board. so fun.

bradley, may the gods bless with good reed, cuz... you alread/always sound great.

rae, thanks for your accommodation and patience. most grateful.

matteo f-w, what can i say. i am already missing working with you. lol.

aaron l, you are saving my butt, thanks so much. godsent.

peter and j, you guys are such staunch support for me. i am eternally (probably literally as well, lol) grateful.

and there are more people to thank, and i really hope they know who they are. cuz you all matters to me. thanks for being part of my life. without your help, yeah, i would still be crying.


small din for small peeps in big city

on such a grey raining day, there's nothing better than a hot dinner.
minnow's visiting so we met up at union and brought him home.

during this busy week, he'll be floating around, saying hullo in person. how nice is that!

it is so easy to head out in this town to catch a grub. in fact, if you do it well enough, it's actually cheaper to eat out than cook 'according to the recipe' for one/two persons.

we, however, came home and made simple din that took us 20 min today. and talked of small things, like new beer selections at the LCBO.

my hot dinner had a warm company and for next few days, minnow'll be sipping into the small cracks in the day loads, in between stuff to do, and that makes me happy.

like a simple home made pot stew, served on top of simple rice.


daily dawdle while running.

there it was, easter!

i quite missed the grandness of the religious services, or lounging around that one does after a big communal meal.
but i did get some slow practice in, which really did make me happy.

i often take in too many things to do, because i really do like being with people. but that also means that i am quite tightly packed schedule of run-arounds. especially when in switching out around playing, translating, tech work and gawd knows what, it takes a bit of time for each 'things.'

i run about 5 days a week, 5km a time at the mo (it used to be 6 miles per session in in 20s, but trying to cut down for wear/tear and also time management), and i try to use the run to practice.

i practice phrasing.

it sounds grand, but it's quite simple.

i sometimes to 6 miles per hour, half hour.
or 7 miles per hour, 25 min.
or 4 miles per hour, 45 min.

or i move it around.
first 5 min at 6 miles. (0.5 miles)
then 3 min at 8 miles. (0.4 miles)
then 2 min at 6 miles. (0.3 miles)
then 5 min at 6.5 miles (0.87 miles)
then 3 min at 8 miles. (0.4 miles)
then 3 min at 7 miles (0.35 miles)
then 3 min at 6 miles (0.3 miles)
= total of 3.12 miles = 24 min


the idea is to pace it out. i know i wont die if i run for 3 mins fast, i am not going to die. it feels like it though.
but these are for normal busy days.
max 30 min for 5km, however i cut the pace.

sometimes, if i have lots of time, then i may do... 5.5 miles for 3 miles total (33 min), because somehow, 5.5 mph is so much easier than 6 mph over half hour, so that 3 miles feels like a big easy break.

so sometimes i practice the piano like that as well. slow, nondramatic and easy.

when it's easy to lose trek of 'life,' it's always reassuring to look into the simple things, like a short run. keeps me sane.


melting head

my nose's been running pretty amazingly.
ultra marathon grade, surely.

until two days ago:
why do people buy these 4 packs of kleenex boxes? that's too much.

i shouldve asked someone to take me to costco so i can buy more kleenex.

my nostril is feeling raw, and what people call post-nasal drip feels more like that flash flood in basement apartment during summer drench. i can cough so resonant that i could probably get a gig as a subwooper for next few days.

i blame this on my occupation.

it's still winter and temp just dropped again. so i cant really turn pages so easily (photocopied pages are the worst for sticking together, thanks to static. this is a REAL THING, static + printers)

so in desperation, i often lick my right index finger tip.
and yeah, sometimes my finger, which has been playing on communal pianos, have a 'taste.'

i dont even know how many what i have ingested by 'turning pages.'

but im surely blaming it for this sinus infection or a cold, i cant really tell. the internet peeps say if the dischage is colourful, it's an infection, if it's clear, it's a cold. but then that's also a dividing point for serious web arguments... all i know is that it will stop when it wants to.