melancholic peek at the winter for a sec. just a peek. i will get going.

i realize sometimes i have to walk away from the things that i decided to walk away from, i cant just sit there and stick it out. what does it accomplish anyways? it's always all or nothing- sure there are many things in between, but im talking specifically concerning one's active involvement in life. like a car, you either turn it on and go somewhere or turn it off and get out. no point to idle. unless you wanna burn gas. or annoy someone at the christmastide mall parking lot (gosh thoere are four words that should not create a unified image when put together but they do. ha ha) a committment is a committment and a decision is a decision. and neither of them will materialize unless one actually carries out the action to the next consequence.

it's a bit of frightening idea to live with. thinking about something and forming an opinion isnt enough?

all the little actions you take, they always make a dent on the larger tragectory of process. every angle changes the final destination. conviniently or not, you then end up banging into another point, where another change of angle happens. very rarely the course keep on straight. passive or active.

what is all these nonsense about?


my new cd came through the mail. it's 'fur alina' by arbo part. we like to call him the 'mystic minimalist' in academia; what does that mean? not much. he write beautifully simple music. 'in memoriam benjamin britten', 'fratres', 'spiegel im spiegel', 'fur alina', all beautiful music. he's got tons more. this whole cd probably contains less notes than an an overture of ricardo strauss. even perhaps haydn.

so that every blade of grass would be as important as a flower. .. a blade of grass has the status of a flower.(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c08i_9gumJs)

all these notes, as sparse as they are, they are already in existence. just needs the right time to become active, to manifest to its fullest. but until they are 'sounded,' carried out somehow, by someone on an instrument of a sort, they stay quiet. deciding that it's beautiful music from past experience (listening, playing, reading-score and secondary sources, watching youtube in this case), does not actually create this music. it has a status. now. let it be what it needs to be. to see what is what (now im quoting great robin engelman of nexus percussion; i should blab about that lunch meeting sometime).

then the dovetail. this music is pure light. ECM captured that essence by giving it a simple cover. a pale sky blue. content? spiegel im speigel-fur alina-spiegel-alina-spiegel. and with recent thoughts and fragmented expressions/quasi-conversations, i was back in the winter for a bit. but it's spring. it's time that i get moving again. thinking about moving wont do anything. get up, walk. go. to see what's what. even that means i must be leaving some things behind. if i dont leave, i cant miss it nor think of it. the rest- will take care of itself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRDtrsuIEk8&feature=related