skype script

about two-three years ago, you couldnt pay me to use a cell phone. and there are things i just wont be doing with technology though i do appreciate some things with new technology. and some of them becomes a lifeline of sorts. right now, skype is a big part of my life. free calling (WHEN IT CALLS) to europe. great. the time differences usually bites. so to call gmt and not cause shortage of sleep deliberately, i usually be seen wearing my tin hat and string-can phone around 4-530pm mountain time (thats pumpkin hours in gmt), catching glimpse of mr. salamander's fire through the window.

the funny thing is that now that he's got a G3 phone, he can connect to skype and work with the phone if he happen to be away from his terminal. so the usual point of communication for mr. salamander would be: kitchen computer, a little asus often in the basket, once in awhile bbc studio terminal and the smartypants G3 phone. it is that G3 phone that flakes out sometimes. for no reasons at all. beyond logic. i think it's just too full of character. so often there are these mysterious situations where monkey cant really peek on the window and that's a small but a sure blow for both.

poor phone has been swore to, cursed to and loathed upon many a times by now. but mr. salamander kindly have sent monkey a report of what happens in gmt, which made me almost choke and die on digestive biscuits. so i had to share. i am so glad that some people never grow up and stays bonkers. i am lucky hooray.i hope you will also (whoever you are) enjoy this script. and if you dont, well, too bad for you!

mr. salamander wrote on one evening smelling of soap:
i can't really blame the phone, it wants to help.

(dring, dring.. dring dring... asus raises one eyebrow, thinks

Phone: let me do it, let me do it...

Asus: (patiently) now listen here son, you're not really grown up enough
for this, you can't cope. leave it to me.

(phone goes ahead anyway, takes the call. it can't cope:)

Phone: (excitedly) hello monkey, hello monkey!


(electronic burp noise)

(click, distant voice of monkey) : mr. salamander? are you there? (short
silence; disappointed): oh, no...

mr. salamander: hello? i can hear you, sort of, can you...? hear... me?

monkey: hullo? hullo?

(phone gets too excited, blows fuse and bombs out, exhausted)

mr. salamander: bollocks.

Asus, meanwhile, looks on with grandfatherly air.

Asus: ok, phone, now stand aside. I will handle this. (tries to connect.
asus' brow knits as call mysteriously drops. it's phone again, ringing

Phone: monkey! monkey!

(same scenario ensues)

(mr. salamander attempts to send skype message using phone, as asus appears to
have fallen asleep. this is all rather too much for phone, who
enthusiastically suggests "Wer" for "yes" and "Hn" for "it" before
taking a picture of the ceiling and booking a holiday on the nepal
tourist centre website.

phone: look at me! look at me!

mr. salamander: (rolls eyes) damn phone.

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