today i feel like im in a small paper box. cardboard box. like a small parcel that would cost about five canadian dollars to send. making small noises as i bounce from one side to another. not a heavy parcel, something light, with a bit of packing peanuts. webbing of thoughts and emotions, things that are important, im getting more tangled and tangled. as if building a cocoon for myself. another time to wait,
till it's time again,
meanwhile, im collecting. busy collecting, consuming, inhaling. senses so attuned that it's difficult to look at the vast sky- it's too bright, to open, to great. this morning when there was a brief snow blizzard, it was such a relief. as if i could finally open my eyes and look at the world without squinting, without the need for sunglasses. just enough for a small monkey to see just enough before she has to look away.
there are things to be done and im trudging through, actually, am quite enjoying the minutes of my day. how nice. there are some very small things of course that's not to my liking, but in general, really great. smallest parts with the utmost care and the need to breath in deeply, as if i could fill my entire body with present, and overflow through the smallest pores of my skin. permeated. soaked. saturated. little moving celias in my nose. one of the most primitive senses. scents.
things that are far and close.
things that are dear.
things that does not last.
things that are offered.
things that are morphing, continuously.
things that weave in and out.
things that are beautiful.
things that are impossible to grab onto.
things that are moving on.
things that hurts because they are so precious.
things that are real.
moment that is real.
moment that is now.
moment that is to pass.
moment that is delicate.
moment that is ravishing.
moment that is sublime.
moment that is the past.
in a small box, banff centre m/s rm 151, i wrap myself around with these strands. over and over and over again. i am my life. i am what i love, what i live, what i want and cannot have, what i achieve and what i need, what i have and what i desire. i am now and here.
one of my favorite banff people is leaving soon. two days.
i just want to soak my own life with her being.
till i see her next.
in same life. at a different point.
nutter oz flutter.
you bring me such grace to my life.
and when you are here,
i can so easily be my life.
by your enthusiasm and being.
a small blessing from a child to another,
for the journey ahead.