3.5.11

priorities and actions


ive been wanting to write for a bit now- blog, letters, emails, postcards...

but it's been a busy whirlwind, ever since i got back from reading week. and hasnt finished yet.  in fact, when one thing is done, i think at least one more thing pops up. but it's good to be busy- financially but also personally.

because it is hard to pin down where i actually physically am at (uk? canada?), most of the works that i get to do are either difficult repertoire that people tend to run away from or the last-minute rescue operations.  talking to many of my friends in the business, apparently my fees are too low for what i provide; i am hoping that at some point (may be it could be closer than i think?!)  i can find the balance of quality of work - quantity of work - self/partner satisfaction.  a balance: everyone talks of the balance and we all wish that we have it.

whenever i take a good look at my friends who i admire professionally (as there also are a few who i think could do better, including myself), i realize every single one of them are absolutely packed, up to the ears.  travelling. collaboration. projects. life. friends. work. self-drive. priorities.

and i often wonder how people keep their fire going.  it is so easy to lose site of things when one is constantly ran over by list, especially when the list seem to feed itself and at least double itself on regular basis.  one of my friends is a true enigma.  she's bright as a star, smart cookie, beautiful. and somehow just mundane daily things piles up high under her feet.  and once in awhile she feels overwhelmed.  the sink that was once clear can not hold not even a single chopstick.  but when you look at her, her core is always bright and honest.  she (must and does) knows what's what.

i recently asked bookbomber how he keeps his fire going. recordings. teaching. travelling. house disasters.  then he sends me a one line, after days of deliberation (very typical of him, almost a cliche):

inspiration is an outcome:
one's action reveals one's priorities (ghandi?)

okay, it was a bit longer than that. haha.

often things in life seems like such a mess but then there are certain things that are naturally closer to one's heart. what it was or what it may become- that may be indeterminable.  but what it is now can always be found, as one needs a heart to live, breathe and think.  the core of self.  like the roaring fire of a steam engine.  as i need to eat up more and more serious repertoire for this wk and next week, i better remember to look into my heart, and make sure that my priorities are fed right.

i do carry a fire within and i will feed it as i take a step, a look, may be a thought. after all, i am supposedly born of the sign of air elemental.  even in the middle of tyranny of black notes on page and rehearsals to organize, lack of time and nights that runs over the day silently as i walk back home in wet, rainy sidewalk, i will take a close look, and always find that core. keeping oneself inspired is a bit of hard work at times, haha.

love to you all.

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