'but i dont want it anymore!'
monkey to fake internet merchant 1, as 4 nov 2011 order has been bank processed in complete silence. the website, of course is now moved/disabled. so in wonder i wrote on 15 nov:
i have put in an order for a jacket, but i have not heard from you nor received any sort of reply (i have emailed you previously regarding this order). would you please update what is the current status of this order (no. 54) and whether it is actually being processed or if there's any problems,
followed by a weird unexpected msg from merchant to monkey, from 'alicia jame' on 17 nov:
Thank you for your order.
We will sent the goods within 3 days when we receive your order,so pls be patient,any problem pls feel free contact with us,thank you!
so a curious correspondence started to roll on its own, 18 nov:
(i have to say i have never seen a business reply without a proper name, including last name of the correspondent)
despite your untimely late and inappropriate business reply,
i am letting you that i do not wish to continue with the order,
that i am requesting you to cancel the order and that i have requested my bank to dispute the transaction your company has processed on my credit card.
the company is completely uncommunicative and unprofessional:
1. my previous emails were all ignored up to this point (where i stated the decision to refer this case to my bank's dispute dept)-
which is a rule breaker from your side, as your website does promise reply within 24 hours of submission of a complaint/information request
2. shipping dates are wildly out of proportion- your customer feedbacks on web clearly led me to believe that the transaction would be completed in 3-4 days and there is no apparent explanation or a disclaimer that there would be a long wait period with zero communication from the merchant.
3. and when a company that decide to communicate using short-hand internet slang ('pls' is something that teenagers use to text their friends in informal setting. it's never been accepted anywhere in professional world), dotted with gross grammatical errors ('so pls be patient,any problem pls feel free contact with us?' it makes no sense grammatically) i have no reason to believe that this is a legitimate company who deals with genuine merchandise. i have to say i have never seen a business reply without a proper name of the correspondent, which would include his/her last name.
4. which makes me to believe that even when i receive the merchandise, i have no guarantee that it is the real canada goose item, in fact, it is most likely to be an imitation. i cannot personally bear the idea of buying counterfeit merchandise.
do cancel my order and refund the money please. or i shall wait till my credit card company's dispute department will resolve the situation with your company.
a returned msg from alicia jame/susan on 18 nov:
Dear dr. monkey,
Thank you for your email.
We have check your order and we found the good
We have check that we have sent the good for you.
If you want to return,pls sent back the jacket when you receive it.You are surposed to pay for the shipping if there have no problem with the jacket.
All of the jacket we sold are real,pls be patient,any problem pls feel free to contact with us,thank you!
another message to alicia/susan on 19 nov:
to: susan with no last name, or alicia jame,
i feel as if i am trapped in a bad comedy as at this point i dont think you are capable of communicating in english.
first of all, i am not even sure who i am addressing here, are you susan or alicia?
what company do you belong to and who am i speaking with? what is your official position and who is your employer?
are you with the counterfeit company or are you with the third-person company who has been contracted to deal with complaints?
and what is your physical address?
if you are a real company, you should and would provide all these information.
though i doubt you would understand what i am actually requesting at this point.
so please, do explain yourself further.
re: your reply, none of your sentences are up to minimal standard of english writing- grammatically and commercially. so i am not sure if i am actually able to understand anything that you want to express. let's take a short look.
1. 'We have check your order and we found the good'
: this is an incomplete sentence that is missing articles and incorrect verb tense. when written proper, it should at least resemble this example
: though what are are you referring as 'good?' you found a good in my order? which would be my credit card information? what you want to say may be: 'we found the good that corresponds your order.' additionally a proper noun in this context here would be a 'merchandise'.
: dont forget your period to finish a sentence. without it, it is not a sentence.
: 'We have checked your order and we found the good.'
2. 'We have check that we have sent the good for you.'
: same here. incorrect tense and contextually inappropriate noun.
: koodos on your period on this sentence though.
: 'We have checked that we have sent the merchandise for you.'
3. 'If you want to return,pls sent back the jacket when you receive it'
: where am i wanting to return to? what is returning? i am certainly not returning to wherever it is, as i do not know the location nor the subject you are referring to. though i am going to assume a minimal intelligence that you are referring to the 'merchandise' that would be the focal point of the subject of this incomplete sentence.
: 'pls' is never used in proper business or formal writing. it is spelled 'please' if you have never seen it in its full form.
: 'sent' is a past verb tense. i cannot send anything, never mind a jacket, if i have not received it.
: yes, you do need another period to close this sentence.
: ' If you want to return the merchandise, please send back the jacket when you receive it.'
4. ' -.You are surposed to pay for the shipping if there have no problem with the jacket.'
: i cannot understand what you want to say here, but let's go through the mechanics first.
: when writing in most languages as i have seen in europe, asia and americas, people usually put a space or two after a period. but because you lacked a period in the previous sentence, you now need to add a period and then another space to accommodate the 'end' of the sentence then start a new one. i have no idea what language you may be speaking but seeing that you are attempting to communicate in english, you should use the period - two space device.
: 'surposed' is not a word. perhaps you meant 'supposed'- do not make your readers guess what you are saying with a spelling error.
: ' -there have no problem,' this also does not make any sense. you mean 'there has been no problem' or may be ' (you) have no problem?' who has problem? or should there be no problem? who is 'there' mentioned here? the way it is structured, 'there' is being a pronoun.
: ' -. You are supposed to pay for the return shipping if there is no problem with the jacket.'
there. it is marginally better now. though i am assuming that's what you want to actually write.
5. 'All of the jacket we sold are real,pls be patient,any problem pls feel free to contact with us,thank you'
: you only sold one jacket according to this fragment. or you do not understand plural vs. singular and verb tenses. it is either 'jacket we sold was real' or 'jackets we sold were real.' to add to options, you may be even be wanting to say 'jacket we sell are real' or even 'all of the jackets we sell are real', may be?
: dont for get your space after a comma. it would be a one, singular space, unlike a period, which would be followed by two spaces.
: no 'pls' teenage informal texting/chat garbage in business writing, ever.
: and another space after your comma.
: 'any problem-' you mean i can contact you if the gas prices are too high? or people are driving through red lights? any problem of what? of whom? this is vague and confusing. i do not understand why you want me to contact you in crisis that is unrelated to my business transaction (or lack there of, except the credit card payment you took). or is that what you are saying? or is this an incomplete fragment- fragment of a fragment, i suppose.
: 'pls'- please stop using this shorten form.
: '-contact with us,' using this verb here, you do not need to state 'with us,' it would be just 'contact us' with a space for your comma.
: 'All of the jackets we sell are real, please be patient. if there is any problem (i am still not sure what kind of problems, i am assuming with the order) please feel free to contact us, thank you.'
after deciphering your sub-par correspondence, i am writing to you now, to check if i understood it correctly- that you are refusing to cancel the order.
as a customer, all these errors in writing in addition of your lack of business etiquette/practice, i am once again requesting you to cancel the order, which would be a civilized thing to do as a legitimate company. please do write back if there is any further information you need to convey, however, i would highly recommend that you do proof read it so i do not have to waste an hour to fix the message itself to even attempt to understand what you wrote.
and please do not forget to include your name, position, employer and the physical address of the company as requested.
whats more amusing is that 1. i got another reply
and that they have a new web address now.
now another reply but with vast improvement on technical aspect of english, 19 nov:
Thank you for you email and sorry for the delay.
We sent the goods within 10 days when we get the payment.
We have check your order and the jacket have been sent,it will arrive to you soon,so pls be patient.
Any peoblem pls feel free to contact with us,we will do our best for you,thank you!
monkey reply on 20 nov:
to: susan with no last name, or alicia jame,
who still have not disclosed the official business information as requested
(your position, title, company name and physical contact information)
first of all, i am surprised to see that your communication skills have improved greatly over just a couple days (assuming that it is the same 'susan' i was communicating with so far).
but i still have to point out that it is sub-par in technical context and it fails to be comprehended as you refuses/ignores my request to cancel the order. which makes me believe that perhaps you are not able to comprehend any replies, despite your wish to communicate with the customer(s).
1. thank you for you email and sorry for the delay:
it is wrong: you email is just two nouns, which has nothing to do with one another.
i believe you may wanted to say: -your email,
as of my email that was addressed to you (whoever you are at the moment)
: thank you for your email and sorry for the delay.
*though there is no need to be sorry, as i was not complaining about the delay but was making a request for the order to be cancelled.
2. We sent the goods within 10 days when we get the payment.
your verb tense is incongruous in this sentence. is it in future or in present?
it is either:
: we sent the purchased item within 10 days of the business transaction. or
: we send the purchased item within 10 days of the business transaction.
and yes, you are sending me a 'good' not a multiple items, which i have requested you to not to send. but that's not a technical error, it is a syntax error.
3. We have check your order and the jacket have been sent,it will arrive to you soon,so pls be patient.
: we checked your order or
: we have checked your order
*though it is clear that you actually have not checked my order at all (why? because i asked you to cancel it)
: - and the jacket have been sent, it will-
: - and the jacket has been sent (verb tense, please), it will-
and dont forget the space after a period or a comma.
: - soon, (space) so please be patient.
* no informal contraction is ever appropriate in a business communication. i have mentioned this to you in last email, however, you are either not reading my reply or there are multiple susan(s) and/or alicia jame who does not communicate with one another within the company, or you are unable to comprehend my reply in english. would it help for me to get it translated to your language? that may be easier, i believe at this point.
4. Any peoblem pls feel free to contact with us,we will do our best for you,thank you!
: what problem? what of problems? i am assuming that 'peoblem' is supposed to be 'problem' unless it's a new word.
: if there is any problem, please feel free to contact us
*yep. once again, no contraction please.
*and as said on last email, not 'contact with us' but 'contact us' and yes, another space after the comma is required.
: -we will do our best for you, (space) thank you!
*but you are not doing your best for me, in fact, you have not done anything for me. what are you going to do for me at this point? i do not understand what it is that you are offering as a company to me at this point. unless you have no idea what you are saying or that you are saying whatever you feel like. either way, this is a problem for me. it should be a problem for you as well.
so here it is, i have attached last reply i had for you ms. susan(s) and/or alicia jame, of company that is undisclosed and mysterious, as you continue to ignore my request for your physical address and contact information, never mind the real name of the company that you work for, in hope that may be you are not suffering from amnesia or a mental stress that would have wiped my last reply from your consciousness.
i cannot understand what your replies mean- as it is clearly not a two-way communication yet your wording says differently. i am left to the lack of response from your side and i have no idea who i am communicating with and for what. but i suppose it is impossible to understand some mysterious things in this world. i have no faith to believe anything will be delivered to my address and only thing i can trust is that my bank's visa dispute department will at least try to to their job and get my payment back from you.
thanks for hours of frustration and inefficient communication.
i have never thought such level of business transaction was possible, to point of amusement which is slightly above anger and frustration.
credit card dispute dept says it will take about 4-6 wks to resolve. all i can say is that it's all so much more than i thought i was buying. will update when the next amusement gets delivered. november is a cranky month. next issue will discuss: stolen laundry basket. ooh dear. love to all honest people in this world! and bit more for my friends.