22.9.15

about'em, genders.

i actually do look like this. haha!

for years and years, i wear newboy caps and generally wore whatever i liked.  the day mom decided to let go of her ritual of putting together my clothing, i see it as the day of liberation (of sort); too bad it was simply because she was too busy working at the dry cleaners 16+hrs a day, as first generation immigrants often do...

the overall effect of my preference was an unexpected one.  unexpected because i realized that how i look DOES define minor parts of my identity- to a degree it became confusing/interesting to others.

for instance, i wear jeans most of the time. and shirts. t-shirts, even. from working at the dry cleaners as kiddie helper, i bowed to never buy stuff that needs dry cleaning (reactionary, i know!).

i get my hair cut short, as i cannot stand seeing strands of hair on the floor. and no, im not going to be dedicated enough to chase after them. after all, they are long and thin, which means after certain length, they go limp and die.

i wear many hats and caps as i bike through town. nothing quite like a bit of hat/cap to keep your eyes from getting rained/hailed/snowed/dusted on.

i dont have a particularly feminine bust. genetics.

yes, i do have multiple piercings on left ear, but not the right. it's the non-stage side and i like it that way.

my backpacks are functional ergonomic ones. once in awhile, i think about having a little pretty bag and the thought of 'caring' for a bag in a crammed pub bathroom (ex. hold onto it on my lap and somehow get the business done), makes me laugh. and hey, if i see some unripe pears on sale (like my pears crunchy), where am i going to put them and carry home on a bike? on a little handbag?

so all these things added up, to a certain imaged identity. as end result, i get called 'sir' awful lot (especially in airport lines and such) and get asked if im a lesbian.

nah, it does not bother me. but it does make me wonder: why does it matter?  why are you calling me 'that?'

i think people call me 'sir' at public places probably not because they are interested in my gender but because they need to address me. it's a sure sign of 'hey,' completely devoid of any personal interest. they made their bet and they are wrong. who cares. all they really wanted to tell me is that they wanted me to use line no. 8 at the security check/bank lines/grocery shops.  they arent really interested nor have the time to figure my gender out. so that's all fine. i will get self to line no. 8 and that's that.

for the people who ask me if im a lesbian, well, there are two thoughts:

1. they are nosey: for some reason, not being able to determine other's gender seem to be a communal hobby. i dont understand. what is it to you? why does it matter?  the recent debate about 'all-gendered' toilets or transgender right for picking bathrooms, i mean... all-gendered is fine. that's what stalls are for. close your door and do your stuff. if there are creeps who are going to take advantage of the situation, well, THATS PROBLEM WITH CREEPS NOT TRANSGENDERS. get your stuff straight, afraid people.

2. they think im attractive and could possibly be personally interested: well, thanks. thatt's a compliment. and nah, im likely not to be interested. but hey, flattering.  and if you were asking me purely out of that burning desire to figure my sexual orientation, well, im so unlikely to be interested in you anyhow. so no worries. i got standard. yeah, i know. even I have standard. oops.

girl toys, boy toys. bathrooms. gender rights.

the real question is:
how do we let an individual to be an individual? what can we do to allow such liberty and joy?

if gramma wanna lable the grandgirl a tomboy, she WILL. hey, there will be all kinds of things that will be thrown at the kid during one's lifetime. they may be negative or positive. for instance, the loose term 'princess' really drive me crazy. but for some, it's a great compliment. if one can have a constructive argument or a session to share views, that's great. but when it's not available, one must remember, that the best strength we can cultivate is the identity of self.

let one be who they are.

and if someone else calls me sir today, i probably just say 'yes?'
they usually are embarassed. im usually chuckling.
which line for my groceries? 7? alright!

after all, policing the world seem to drive everyone whove tried to lunatics. being reasonable with the world, may be the key...


1 comment:

  1. you look, to me, exactly as one would expect, from someone who knows you. you look like you. it suits you, and therefore it is pretty, or attractive. just right, ma'am.

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