when you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are...
aleko and zemphira by moonlight, chagall
recently, in montreal, a promising young, bright man have ended his life. we often associate such death (young, beautiful person's) with shooting star, bright.
ironicially, shooting star also symbolizes luck, that you must close your eyes and make a wish. in the old testament, it was associated with light of christ, and the angels and heaven. and you must, must, must, keep your wishes secret if you really want it to come true.
this particular news has shaken many people to their cores. a few people have been in conversation- mostly texting (suppose that makes it a bit easier, as it's quite distant way to communicate, for a delicate topic), and they are sad, triggered and deep in grief. i am slightly concerned, as it seems that this event have brought difficult feelings- of fear, resentment, envy and (therefore) confusion.
one kiddie said he is trying to create some sort of comfort, from the situation-
etymologically, the word has interesting origin:
comfort (n.)http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=comfort&allowed_in_frame=0
c. 1200, "feeling of relief" (as still in to take comfort in something); also "source of alleviation or relief;" from Old French confort (see comfort (v.)). Replaced Old English frofor. Comforts (as opposed to necessities and luxuries) is from 1650s.
comfort (v.)
late 13c., conforten "to cheer up, console," from Old French conforter "to comfort, to solace; to help, strengthen," from Late Latin confortare "to strengthen much" (used in Vulgate), from Latin com-, intensive prefix (see com-), + fortis "strong" (see fort). Change of -n- to -m- began in English 14c. Related: Comforted; comforting.
a source of relief. to strengthen. to be strong.
but.
may be it is okay to be vulnerable. to be weak. to be uncomfortable.
one of the kiddies acknowledged that though with significantly distressing to herself, that she may be envious. because he's found a solution of some sort.
i thought may be it's not distressing. if one's been on the depth of 'that' place, waiting for resolution seems worse than the end. especially if there seem to be no solution, but of time. time does not cure, time just passes. and as one passes through, the event becomes a memory, a recollection. and it fades- sometimes becoming less and less vivid, though sometimes it becomes hyper-real.
i wonder what we all look for, what we can actually acknowledge.
i wish upon a star, that i be strong and knowledgeable. i would like to be kind and generous, and i wish i was better.
better? better of what? how better?
in the world where we constantly told that 'what we are is okay' vs. the general obsession with constructivism, it's not too surprising that most of experience the point of explosive incomprehension.
nothing. makes. sense.
therefore. i. am. not. worth. it.
what. it. is- does not matter.
we tread through. or we fall. sometimes people wish to help. though there's very little others can do for another in that situation- one can patiently wait, passively. as no one can take another's agony away.
siddhartha had to leave the world to achieve the meaning of existence (highly recommends hermann hesse's siddhartha, 1922).
jesus had to cry alone in getsemane before the crucifixion. before leaving this world.
though hypothetical, saint-saens, after death of his children and consequent collapse of his family, one day simply left his holiday hotel, and wrote to his wife days later, that he wont return, and they never saw one and other again (he died 40 years later). no one really knows why.
there are so many stories of people just 'leaving.'
we go to funerals and think of ourselves, i think. i certainly did, when gabe died. when i think of my 94 years old granny, i am really thinking about my life without her. what she would think at the point of her death? no one will ever know.
we often envy the dead. and feel guilty about it (many of us do). we often look at our failures and think we arent worth anything. that we are embarrassing. that we are imperfect. not good enough. uncomfortable.
may be it's being uncomfortable.
that it is okay, that it is normal.
life after exiting the womb is a journey toward the end, and that process has only surprises. with beauty. with ugliness. immorality and repulsion. of elegance and grace. all of that in one life time. in one day. in one instance.
leigh harlineand ned washington wrote that:
... fate is kind,
she brings to those whoe love,
the sweet fulfillment of,
their secret longing...
(when you wish upon a star)
what does the fate bring?
life, then death.
we need the strength, to be com+forted, because we are vulnerable.
fragile.
i think of the days of our lives, filled with reflections of others' lives.
and i think of people who feel helpless and depressed.
we are here with you. we are in the same boat.
hold my hand. im holding onto another's hand.
we will get through, and we wont get through.
but meanwhile we are here, we are together.
good night, world.
https://youtu.be/eq0EWNuR1H8
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