nothing new yet incredibly enraging
today, out of the blue, i heard about others' experience in their first year at the univ.
there are lots of good stories, but this time, we unfortunately talked about being pushed into the new world of social interactions and testing of personal boundaries. and yes, it did involve girls being forced into situations where the boys with swagger take advantages of them.
for all who may retort back and say 'yeah but the boys are also taken advantage of,' i just want to remind myself and to others, that it's not about making the 'parties' to be treated 'equally (bad).' i just happened to hear about cis-gender girls specifically who has been taken advantage by cis-gender boys.
when i first came to uni, it was also very much like so. but after almost two decades, i thought we may be better as a group; im not terribly disappointed, but rather, i was quite enraged.
girls, even in G-20 countries, are taught to be helpful, coorporative and agreeable. and though we are talking about certain sector of the population (well, if you are attending utoronto music prog, you are likely on the 'upper' part of life, whether it be economical/personal/social ranking; and no, im not just talking about how wealthy someone is, or talented, etc., it's always bit of a mix), the coercion still happens and though we briefly do remind selves that girls should speak out, should they feel uncomfortable, it may be too late.
that's right.
when the shits hit the fan, it is too late to take that rational action, to say hey, stop.
why? not because we havent heard about it, but it hasnt happened. first incident.
and unfortunately, after the first incident, people will try to 'normalize' such event, in order to disguise the actual feelings (mostly hurt and shame), even from themselves. and such things, especially in group setting (the boys with their swaggers, and relationships being seen as some sort of victory badges, and girls taught to be fun and 'engaging'), it is so hard to be heard. everyone's testing everyone's, including their own boundary. it's noisy.
but that should never lead to people taking advantage of another.
i do think it probably wasnt 100% intentional, meaning these boys prob didnt set out to hurt the girls, but it was just simple collateral damage, from them trying to 'grow into' some roles that they thought they should fulfill.
and girls, also trying to grow into some fictitious roles.
fictitious, non-real, and life-damaging roles.
we have to remember that people can become friends. but that takes time. and that it's okay to not have many friends.
i tell this to myself all the time.
because i dont have many friends.
i know many people, but it takes me a long time to become a friend (to anyone), because it is something significant and important. and i cannot possibly befriend everyone, nor everyone has an obligation to like me.
in fact, as a loner kind, fat, glasses-wearing and no-word-of-english immigrant kid, i learned quickly that i should learn to be okay to be lonely. and though it's not too fun, it's not too terrible. it certainly comes with less damage gamble.
it did hurt to hear such stories. we arent any better than any other time in history/place, and once again, i am forced to think about these 'growing accidents' (some deadly serious), and loneliness of having just a few friends, and how that nuclear friendships can protect and keep random people away from hurting one another as collateral damage.
there are lots of good stories, but this time, we unfortunately talked about being pushed into the new world of social interactions and testing of personal boundaries. and yes, it did involve girls being forced into situations where the boys with swagger take advantages of them.
for all who may retort back and say 'yeah but the boys are also taken advantage of,' i just want to remind myself and to others, that it's not about making the 'parties' to be treated 'equally (bad).' i just happened to hear about cis-gender girls specifically who has been taken advantage by cis-gender boys.
when i first came to uni, it was also very much like so. but after almost two decades, i thought we may be better as a group; im not terribly disappointed, but rather, i was quite enraged.
girls, even in G-20 countries, are taught to be helpful, coorporative and agreeable. and though we are talking about certain sector of the population (well, if you are attending utoronto music prog, you are likely on the 'upper' part of life, whether it be economical/personal/social ranking; and no, im not just talking about how wealthy someone is, or talented, etc., it's always bit of a mix), the coercion still happens and though we briefly do remind selves that girls should speak out, should they feel uncomfortable, it may be too late.
that's right.
when the shits hit the fan, it is too late to take that rational action, to say hey, stop.
why? not because we havent heard about it, but it hasnt happened. first incident.
and unfortunately, after the first incident, people will try to 'normalize' such event, in order to disguise the actual feelings (mostly hurt and shame), even from themselves. and such things, especially in group setting (the boys with their swaggers, and relationships being seen as some sort of victory badges, and girls taught to be fun and 'engaging'), it is so hard to be heard. everyone's testing everyone's, including their own boundary. it's noisy.
but that should never lead to people taking advantage of another.
i do think it probably wasnt 100% intentional, meaning these boys prob didnt set out to hurt the girls, but it was just simple collateral damage, from them trying to 'grow into' some roles that they thought they should fulfill.
and girls, also trying to grow into some fictitious roles.
fictitious, non-real, and life-damaging roles.
we have to remember that people can become friends. but that takes time. and that it's okay to not have many friends.
i tell this to myself all the time.
because i dont have many friends.
i know many people, but it takes me a long time to become a friend (to anyone), because it is something significant and important. and i cannot possibly befriend everyone, nor everyone has an obligation to like me.
in fact, as a loner kind, fat, glasses-wearing and no-word-of-english immigrant kid, i learned quickly that i should learn to be okay to be lonely. and though it's not too fun, it's not too terrible. it certainly comes with less damage gamble.
it did hurt to hear such stories. we arent any better than any other time in history/place, and once again, i am forced to think about these 'growing accidents' (some deadly serious), and loneliness of having just a few friends, and how that nuclear friendships can protect and keep random people away from hurting one another as collateral damage.
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