granny you so old you are young again

haha, hard to tell whether it's for a child or a senior.

today, dad,mom,granny were at home, meeting up with the social worker, i was phoning in. the request for this meeting came quite suddenly, as there's a possibility that a bed may be free for granny at a local nursing home.
*yeah this is the shouty lady.

granny's 94, turning 95.

she's been living a long time, long enough that she is now shrinking.

i remember that day i realized that i was taller than her. woot. now she's at least head shorter than i am.

her rings are so big now that she has put yarns around the ring to pad them up. hehe.

she sometimes forgets stuff now, and though she is quite lucid, sometimes she says unrelated things, like a little kid.

when i hold her hands, it's quite tiny. and i have small hands.

mom's in late 60s and while dad's seeking freedom (?) at work, she takes care of granny at home. sometimes she's about to lose her mind, but i guess we all do feel like losing shits at some point, lol.

her nursing-home-to-be is near christie station. makes me a bit happy, as it's not too far from me. my choir has been there, singing, a few times. and i think as they do have a sizeable korean clients, at least she wont be stuck eating cold sandwiches and tuna casserols- this is a hugh plus.

granny knows that she's been on the list for awhile. it's been a long wait. though i dont know how much she understood today.

anyway. so there i was, on the school hallway, asking the social worker to stop shouting into the phone (HAHA OUCH). and momdad carefully answering stuff.

mom later texted to say that they went out for a din.
and that she still has a good appetite.

and it made me tear up.

granny's a little kid.

she held me, im sure, when i wasnt even walking. there are pictures...! she fed me. cleaned after me. yelled at me for being a lazy bum. and we even shared bed till i left home at age 17.

she took care of the house while momdad were busy at the cleaner. once again, we grew with granny.

dang, she took care of a son that was born after her husband was taken away and killed in the war. she fed her son and her sister-in-law's kids. she literally persevered. she was strong. she was a mother, and she was a protector. she fed her life to her son, and us, the rest of the family.

years later, now, the baby's gone first, and here we are, two grandkids who are out of the house, son and daughter in law, who are seniors themselves.  momdad's heading out to s.korea to pick up their dual citizenship for the summer, so it's a great timing- as finding temp location/help seems a bit more complicated than anticipated.

when i go visit, which i havent been able to, for a long while, she always asks me to stay over. i havent, for years, as i really am busy most of the time. but also because somehow, i think if i stay over once, may be she would want it more-

i have her personal history written down a few years ago. when gabe died, momdad asked me if i be down to get granny's eulogy down. so i have that written down. somewhere on my bookcase. i know where it is, but i dont look at/for it.

she's a littliest one now in the family.
she likes to curl up in bed with heating blanket.
she doesnt 'like' walking exercises, and is a big fan of peanut butter sandwiches and chocolate milk.
she grew old that she is now a kid.

i lover her much and i think about the day she will become so small, that she can stay in my heart.
meanwhile, i hope this transition will get her into a nice place.

but the thought of her possibly misunderstanding this 'move' as a 'casting away' made me worry.

may be she'll like it there.
like sending a wee child to childcare for the first time, may be it is hard, but may be it is good. it certainly would be a big plus for everyone for logistics, including HER I HOPE.

my granny became a step younger in my mind today.