let them speak

one of my favourite murals near chinatown,
@hogtown vegan's wall


with a couple turns of events, i am wearing another small hat for work. i should put all of them on a keychain, lol.

i decided it's time for me to learn something that ive been dreading/was never good at/find frustrating (probably because im not so good at it): managing.

to manage:
1560s, probably from Italian maneggiare "to handle," especially "to control a horse," ultimately from Latin noun manus "hand" (from PIE root *man- (2) "hand"). Influenced by French manège "horsemanship" (earliest English sense was of handling horses), which also was from Italian. Extended to other objects or business from 1570s. Sense of "get by" first recorded 1650s.
https://www.etymonline.com/word/manage
well, if anyone knows about being kicked, it would be horse people.

and sometimes, people tell you a particular point over and over in one's life. but somehow, it kinda gets lost in the day's sieve. but yesterday, i heard it again, and i think it's now stuck somewhere-

'let them speak. wait.'

i wonder what drives me to be defensive at times, even when i, myself, realize that it really does not matter somehow.  some points, i feel passionate about, and some, i cant be bothered. yet, there i am, time and time again, try to somehow justify my own stance for something that i dont think it's significant.

and soon as i wonder, there's the answer: the self that wishes not to be vulnerable.

wait, that doesnt even make sense...

vulnerable:
c. 1600, from Late Latin vulnerabilis "wounding," from Latin vulnerare "to wound, hurt, injure, maim," from vulnus (genitive vulneris) "wound," perhaps related to vellere "pluck, to tear" (see svelte), or from PIE *wele-nes-, from *wele- (2) "to strike, wound" (see Valhalla).
https://www.etymonline.com/word/vulnerable#etymonline_v_7899
come on, self, not everyone's going to hurt you (okay, some, sure)...!

so i hope it's stuck somewhere in my mind for a good while now.

wait and listen.
i am not the holder of answers.
i am not the truth.
truth is inbetween, always.

three words, argh.


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