break that came

things changed pretty fast since last sunday, and yyz is quiet. covid lockdown.
just like that (bit amazing really), my calendar became empty and visitors were cancelled, and i am left with no-task days.

then i remind self that i do this every summer.

by being in long distance relationship, i choose to spend time in uk during summer, and so once i leave, it's just days of 'freedom.' i try to run everyday, and do some remote work, eat lots and be mostly empty in the head.

this somehow, is also quite similiar to the camino de santiago. i questioned myself a few times, whathell am i doing there? but mostly you wake, pack, put shoes on, and go. i walked mostly by myself. that was okay too.

the difference i see now is that many of my lovely peeps (and myself) werent prepared for this 'break,' and that suddenly, we are all doing it.
whether it be not being able to see family and loved ones, being at home with ones to care for, and probably most pressing, cash flow/financial pressure, the stress is real.

things move incredibly fast and slow. i think this one, slow.

i often answer that i am a specialized physical labourer.
as a piano player, i dont create arts, i simply come and physically manipulate things to make sound, reading from what can be a complicated nonverbal instruction, and take nonverbal/verbal instruction from others whom i play for.
sometimes if the listener deems so, it's art.
but mostly, just labour. and that's fine.

this is not necessarily time for arts to go die.
it wont die. it didnt, in many occassions. scenes change though.

so cliche, but imma gonna keep my heart and brain clear.
nothing is going to change drastically in next few weeks (unless, things get pressingly bad with actual infection- whether me or my close people).
the world might be noisy and dump all kinds of stuff on one's mind.
imma just gonna try to keep the deck clear.
there's loads of time to look at things now.
i dont need to look at everything now.
i cant anyway.

sending good thoughts to everyone in this time of... unfamiliarity.
it's here and it will only go when it goes.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

canned cocktail wiener found in walter hall

Image
today, walter hall was hosting a special event for violists: heidi castleman masterclass. she teaches at juilliard and yes, i think it is quite exciting to play for a different teacher- you can take away so much with you, the inspiration, technical knowledge, a new emotional dimension, you name it. and i was confronted by a special person as well, just not as helpful, however impressive. walter hall is a busy place. and it's only a natural thing that students want to get in there to practice- it sounds good, it feels good and yes, there is shortage of space at busy times of the day in school. however, it is a performance hall and not a practice room, especially regarding the pianos. the piano technicians work very hard to keep the instruments to meet the heavy demands.  they come way before the students, to yield to the kiddies who want to practice. and yes, they do go home after a day's work.  and because many musical events take place in late evenings, it is important t
Read more

the violence of spring

Image
spring returns brutishly below the beautiful petals transparent against the blue  is the strength that pushed through the frozen solid ground  with absolute conviction, it draws from the depth, pushes it up and up and up, little bulbs covered in papery brown skins turn into living fanfare despite all the concrete the bird songs echo off the glass menageries dead brown twigs surge with green blood  when the light hits just right everything alive is beautiful and bright flaunting victory over the days of hunched shoulders and white knuckles the absence hits with a deafening scream we are all back in the midst of this madness through it all, death carves out laser sharp edges of ones in eternal stillness where nothing changes gentle spring kind spring violent and unstoppable spring the light makes it possible to see the hollows where no shadow casts as it is empty i called mom and said that spring returned with a thundering conviction of repetition- we didnt say but we both heard the othe
Read more

someone quick, help poor ophelia.. wait, you mean she was 'help' herself? i guess she'll have to stay drawned then..

Image
in recent window gazing, i was left standing with a map in my hand, wanting to look for the girls, at the peak of their youth, at the cusp point, immortalized by two particular artists, millais and klimt. their girls are the youthful ones, have this same look of fleeting beauty, like early spring flower petals that has been surprised by the last frost- even more beautiful since when the frost melts away, their capillaries and cells would collapse from the previous expansion of water, leaving them eventually colorless, shapeless, a past. i used to have all these girls hanging up in my otherwise sterile dorm room. gazing at me as i gazed at them. http://www.millais.info/bridesmaida.htm http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c7/Millais_-_Ophelia_(detail).jpg http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dana%C3%AB_(Klimt_painting) all these passing beauty, in the richest colors of gold, midnight blue, amber, van dyck brown, winter green contrasting so sharply with their pale skin only accentuate
Read more