23.2.09

how did we end up here?

wait, you may have your answers.
i do not. therefore, let's rephrase:
how did i end up here?

what path did i take? was i aware of all the turns and curves of the way i took along?
did i just pass things by and forgot to look into the fleeting moments of- glimpse of the blackbird flying through the thin branches of winter rockies, the final momentum of the melted-ice water as it detaches from the ice chunk,

what about times and recollections? the times that i have shared with people who i thought i would know forever, and am surprised to find them popping into my thoughts at present? would they still be there awhile from now, just to be dusted and awaken?
the way their shadows lengthened, until it all looks silly and distorted, taking its time, one degree, one minute at a time under the leisurely paced sun into a prolonged, reluctant summer sundown in all shades of gold and bronze?
a chance, or more likely, chances which evaporated (very slow process) right behind my back,
and i wasnt even aware because i never looked and therefore never found it?

can we all be what we want to be?
are we realization of our dreams or are we dreaming because we happened to be alive?
what is a cause and how do you distinguish the result from being another cause?
what i want- now, this is tricky, is it what i want or something that i need?
does it matter if i take the step to realize the desire- whether it be a necessity or 'want'?

is it possible to alter the course of things by sheer will?
it is futile, therefore, one must realize and ride the wave of things,
falling when it falls, waiting to rise when it's at its natural rhythm to rise back?

if the snow flake melted- did it ever exist? even when no one saw it? a relativist would say not. but it was there? now it's water, a darker spot on my shirt?

where does my conscious go when i am asleep?
(if it was some other place and i died in sleep, and i did pray to god to take me to heaven, would it do that? hahaha) (okay, i wasnt trying to pick on christians)

where am i going to go next? is it the same place i think i will be heading to, or it a place that i will end up being, with a big element of surprise that will untangle itself only with aid of time?
is it foolish to dream? or did the word dream became words of fools?

for some bizarre reason, it seems as if you can only blog once a day. don't even ask me why i thought so, but that was the impression.
i suppose if there is blog nazi, they are now free to come and put the monkey in shackles, take to a labour camp of a sort.
what a surprise would that be.

it's kinda silly that i almost wish it would happen.

wouldnt it be an incredible fun to explain to someone, after youve been released of course, that you were at a labour camp, delivered by the blog nazi?

ha..ha.
okay.
too much time on the hands of this monkey.

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