now we wait. impatiently.

summer dog days are rolling in- lazy, hazy and kinda crazy. and perhaps a hint of lame-o. the way this year have been pieced together is rather interesting. the beginning of the year started with a surprising note, well, i guess from a bang from the previous year (thanks to all who made it possible for me to return back being a key monkey really, esp. a special lady LW).
of course, when one is in a hurry, often one shuts the door while parts of (choose your garments or luggage of choice) is half-way-hanging, creating somewhat inconvenient mess. and monkey was no exception. the early banff days, urr, was a great sorting process. one day philosophic, the other raging. hopeful then wistful, as one says good bye to an idea of a life (well, i did quite enjoy being a coffee wench really. never missed a working day, though i did get a fat ticket on a bicycle- more on that coming post 18 june 2009 am sure) then embrace the old puppy back, with its annoying habits as well as the familiarity and affection. as one lets go, what may seem like a loss may turn into an opportunity. well, opportunity is too-calculating-sort-of-word. may be a chance would be a better one.

there is absolutely no promise from anyone about anything regarding fairness of life i suppose. even the sense of injustice or perceived/inflicted pain is an uncertain one. i was casually joking to someone that being butt-kicked (by whatever your choice of kicker would be) is never a surprise; rather when and where from is more accurate source of a startle, perhaps 4mm or so. monkey mantra for these things are very simple: tabula rasa. and if that doesnt work, i get to chew on carpe diem. what do i have to lose? the more i hold onto, the more i will drop and lose.

however, it is also true that often one gets all sorts of nice surprises. i mean, yeah, couple thousands, even million tickets are sold every year in lottery circuits. it seems that no one ever really wins. i certainly never have (well, it would help if i would buy some, if i really want to win). however, what's clear is that eventually, there is a winner, even several at a time. though you and i never see that money back, someone will WIN at certain point. and unless you are like me, who never buys the damned ticket (because one tends to think that mathematical odds are just flat-out against you) (this is where spontaneity loses to reasonable, sensible logic i think), as long as youve got some tickets, you may win!

now, what one wins from who for what is an entirely different thing though, i should clarify. often a winning may not even seem like a winning. a good example would be drawing that one short straw from a whole bunch: guess who's gonna be up half hour earlier than everyone to make campfire on day 8 of a trail...? well, that would be the one with short straw... and it is your turn today! i dont think even mother theresa would rejoice for such opportunity. even jesus, perhaps. they both would gladly do it, but, as humans, it is only natural to think, hey, they may even think twice )though it may be subconscious) about which straw to pull out (unless good ol'j boy had the house stocked for him haha) (i hope this doesnt offend anyone. in fact, i think jesus would like it. he had some wicked sense of humour after all. and couple amazing display of temper and so on).

where am i going with this musing? well, now you are nosey. but since you ask so nicely... i may give you a peek. if you are to understand the term 'bobby squick,' it would make life so much easier. well, BSquick is a particular expression, mostly consisting of sound and not much words really. it's the kind of noise that ive encountered in uk when a hoped event become a realization. but with appropriate amount of waiting. squicking. fizzing. excited. bubbles. electrifying. okay. now it is turning somewhat frou-frou. apologies.

in any cases, the situation will evolve through the time and i quite enjoy the personal anticipation of waiting for something. this kind of waiting is somewhat similar to sneaking a piece of chocolate in a class while the lunch break seems hours and hours away, everyone around you is falling asleep- whether victims of boredom, hunger, lack of sleep, or laziness, whatever it is. one realizes that as soon as ONE other kid sees it, the joy of undisturbed chocolate, illicit and shocking in a quite, somewhat oppressive class room, will soon die. disturbance upon discovery. (ooh that was a nice one if i may say)

like the innocent-looking chocolate-consuming child, right in the front row of the classroom (since teachers always yell at the back, the biggie boys) im going to quite enjoy this fizzing. with slightly audible bobby squick. ah but fear not, eventually it'll all come clear what monkey's up to. for now, it is enough for you to know that this summer, once started with more elements of surprises and uncertainty, is now slowly rolling with gaining momentum, and fortunately, i just happened to hit a jackpot. hooray. not an expected event, but a hoped event is now another step closer to materialization and that sweet anticipation is like the most addictive crack. or any other personal vices (not that i do crack, ahem) (sheesh, i can HEAR your doubts all the way here, not even in real time, lol)

i cant wait till this summer unfolds to its entirety. it is going to be glorious, beautiful, smashing and... fantastic. if this is life, man, it freakin'rocks. and now... to basket, monkey.
im knackered.
all that buzzing and fizzing from excitement mustve burned quite a bit of energy. good night world, im going to bed with most wonderfully sweet sense of being properly knackered.
ooh.. and... still. butterflies.
and i love you curly haired girl. you rock.
you were the catalyst!
you so get a drink when i see you next.

i just hope it wont be such fluff drink like pina colada (ewwwwwww)

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