wearing it out, like a fav pairs of shoes

a short prog report for the day, im antsy to get outta my studio however am cautious about bringing my laptop back to my room ( i shall never sleep again)- but since am on a concert tomorrow evening, may as well to get some sort of rests. luckily monkey does not have a major playing-related injury (thanks to laziness), but that doesnt mean that i would need one nor i should get one. also perhaps depressurizing may be good for a change- ive been adding all sorts of unnecessary pressure to the days and i dont think it's all that nice. time to grow up a bit. also lessons tomorrow morning and i really wanna play well. so. a short dot. before. exit.

out. to. freedom.

really?

haha probably not. it's always a funny thing, often one does things because one NEEDS to, but for some reason, one (well i do) also often laments about it. for instance, after all those small and big breaks i took inbetween playing music, there has been plenty of chances to go do something else, but i have made a conscious decition to just come back to it, doesnt really matter what the reasonings were. and compare to the possible scenarios, things are rather good.

so there.

i just wish i played better. but if one is conscious, i suppose it's always going to be so- always wanting to be a bit better, trying to see over the current line of sight. but it's also helpful to remember that wanting to and working-onto are two different things. there's no disadvantage in wanting to improve, to see, but there maybe a significant disadvantage in dwelling in such place. if you are only paying attention to the current location, you will never see where you need to go next, then like a pond that no longer flows, it will be stagnant, then.. die. a live body of water, including a pond, is always a little 'dirtier' than a bowl of clean, septic tap water. there's always that bit of life grease whenever things are alive and progressing through time.

with that in mind, i may as well take some of the dirts from the day on my feet. often it's not a such a terrible thing to go to bed with somewhat dirty feet. especially if you are doing your own laundry and is sleeping alone! no need to share the dirt, hahaha. the working feets get grimy, unlike prissy nice ones which rests pretty on cushions. i think of all the things i like- and ya, they are usually worn in, fixed, mended and loved. once perhaps new, but mostly grown into a 'thing' of itself, with its own stories to tell. so why should i be any different. i may as well life put some elbow grease on me, and hopefully i will be able to look at it with an understanding that it's just the course of things, and that an old leather always looks much better than new. warmth.