22.9.09

invisible things that are visible

often invisible things can make or break visible things.
case 1:timezones
some arbitrary lines drawn on map, applied by some serious bodies of people and all the sudden: there are such things are timezones. it used to baffle my head: what do you mean we are at a different time? like birthday, the either end of the opposing time zones are.. rather similar! looking outside of the plane window as a child, hoping to see the international date line was one of the most exciting and futile thing i ever did. whenever im involved with others who are a bit far away, i am baffled that though we are experiencing things simultaneously, we do not belong in the same timezone.

case 2: human connections
it's not as if we are always connected with something physical. things such as spiderwebs are always connected from one point to another in rather simple manner. this corner to another. than with applied gravity, it makes a beautiful curve. sometimes the curves are too small to be appreciated from human scale, but it's still there. human connection are just as fragile as spider silk. something that is slightly worse would be that since it is invisible, it is even easier to damage it and not know- or even remember how that happened. but once broken, it's not too important to see 'who' broke it first eh. rather, it's about: how do we fix it?

case 3: sense of _____
sense of achievement, accomplishment, pride, love, appreciation- the nouns that tends to matter a bit more than the others (for instance car, house, bank account), are usually too esoteric and erudite to be put into a visible representation. how would you explain it to another human being about the feeling of- preparing first big meal for the family, boarding that plane not knowing how things are going to go, giving someone a complete trust over your own life- letting them have it so that they may add to it to make a new thing entirely? cant be seen, however, when sensed, we all know how wonderful these things are.

case 4: hope
ive been working on real boring things recently such as: applications, proposals, scholarships, banking, student loans, packing boxes, address forms, request forms of various sorts, etc. and these are the things you see around, piled quite high, things so full of sticky notes that it is getting rather silly- where is the initial page? pens everywhere, even my desktop is getting messy with random icons that sounds very much the same:
thesis shite, monkey pictures, fall 2010 statement, CV for fall 2010, CV updated summer 09, ifi key, banff address, new stuff, new folder-
i know what they are right now, but no guarantee that i may even actually remember what's in there. for instance, i was looking like a madman to find a copy of my bloody thesis. i wasnt going to pay proquest (info system) for my own damned writing!
but silly enough, all these visible nuttiensses all add up to one very simple thing: hope. the hope of- well, im not going to jinx it, so let's put it this way: the effort to realize, perhaps materialize a desire. a hope. cant see it, but makes everything so much more important.

case 5: empty pie pan
the pie is invisible. because. the pie pan, which held the pie, no longer has any pie in it. in desperate effort to find cake (ive been craving cake but havent been able to find or buy the right ones)(at that caloric cost, i may as well have what i really would like i think. i mean, if it had same calories as celeries, who cares, i will go buy slices of all the different cakes. but then i will prob die early and messy. unnecessary, isnt it)(i bet it has to do with doing paperwork. i hate paperwork. i will do anything before paperwork, including ingesting cake), and not being able to find one, i finished the half-average-ho-hum-pie. hence the pan is empty. the good part, is now invisible. unless monkey's transparent- invisible monkey. ha ha ha.

case 6: applications
things on applications are rather visible, even readable. what they have to perceive is who i really am (which i dont even really know) and that they would like to grant me a chance. now that is an invisible plea. an invisible gamble. but with 90 days to go, i want to put in my best efforts. efforts= another thing that is invisible.

so rather than concentrating on the visible, i may as well chuck the worries and go for the invisible. have faith monkey. not even. this is not a blind faith. this is closer to a drive. i. want. to. make. it. happen. operation MAN, -90, roger.

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