2.11.09

...comes november


hullo to all spirits passing by. no, unlike the cold and cruel winters that literally ate up the celts, there wont be much casualties due to the weather alone at this point of time. so please, feel free to do go on and do something else with your time- especially you wont be bothered with the necessities of life, supposedly, or are you? anyhows, the all saints day deserves some sort of commemoration and so here it is. however, we will continue to celebrate the old end-of-the-season party with sluttier-than-thou costumes and overflowing alcohol and ethanol- smelling bravura.

all sarcasms aside, it is the first day of november, and in the mountain times, i have about 27 minutes left of it. i wonder: where did all the time go? oh well, sigh. i thought that i would be able to grow further do more etc etc., but here i am, tearing another page of the calender and thinking: well, monkey is still monkey. nothing much new. only thing may be that i had such a rubbish time trying to gage the course of the time today. everything is slightly out of bound and it's driving me absolutely bonkers. because i get up and do things at certain speed in banff, it is quite irritating when i have to double check everything. for instance, when i go for the solitary walks in the morning, if it is early enough i can tell that it must be around 6am around here because there will be no smell of car fumes or noises of people. just quiet calm mountain air. it does smell a certain way- like a dew or frost i suppose. but now with time shift, it makes no sense- simple things like waking up time, meal time, rehearsals etc. but if that is the only cause of my problem, then life really isnt all that bad is it?

the first month of residency is already gone into the small grains of sand and here comes another. then in december, it's pretty much over. the wrap ups are always more busier, crazier and madder. so what is there to reminiscent about?

beside the old favorites like the horse lady, beautiful julie, madder flutter, there are very very small number of people who ive been drawn to, nicely and inadvertently. and month can be a short or a long time, depending on what the general scale may be. in the larger scheme of life, it is a fairly short time period, am sure there will be tons of things that i just wont remember next week, never mind post residency. then there ate the fact that you actually work with them constantly, interact on daily basis and physically spend a large percentage of one's conscious waking hours with them. in that case, in a malleable mind, it is a quite a bit of time i say.

some will go and some will stay. some will return and some will pass. some have already been forgotten, some will live onto others through me because they are such wonderful people. monkey the connector have been busy to think and see all the strands she could possibly see between these far-far located individuals, who happened to be here thanks to quarks. am not so sure if it is worth anything really, but i feel that i owe it to myself to make sure that once i realize who they are, i should go and find and connect them further with who they may become through synergy/symbiosis.

to do something, one requires energy. and during the course of things, one eventually runs out of energy if the expenditure is greater than replenishment. and everyone has a unique way of charging oneself, but i suppose the big difference would be the charging mode: do you recharge by self or with others? by being active or passive? etc etc. well, as the month turns, it looks that a number of us needed to recharge and as people grounded, there were much quietness, as if the dust after the dust in have settled down once again. esp. after the last hooray of the month, halloween.

funny thing, halloween. it goes back to the idea of celebration of life before inevitable and impending death, not personal but as real as it gets. before the season of death, starvation and cold, it was the on last big meeting for the villagers as they had a bit of excess from the recent harvest, if very little. the opposite of walpurgisnacht (funny how both activities happen late in the day, in dark. night used to carry so much more authority and power when light and heat were not so abundant and cheap. once the sun was down and fuel was scarce, there was no other choice but to transpire hope, change, desperation during the long nights, where it seems only conscious beings were the star, so cold and far that they shone brighter as the air cleared and all water turned into ice). all anger joy frustration love acquainted or unacquainted, they were all thrown into the fire pit, as winter meant cruel awaiting, no room to be spared for such 'excessive' musings.

it still remains excessive. probably even more so, as life got cushier, we lost the standard to compare the idea of 'excessive' to necessities. everything seems to be necessary. so in effort to experience excessive, instead of returning to necessity, we now turn to decadence. and somehow it gets crazier and crazier every time. in the world where 'danger' usually implies to the incidents that are created (ie. getting mugged, murdered/manslaughtered etc) rather than imposed (starvation, getting eaten by a bear or your fellow neighbour), we now look for 'terror' and 'horror' as sideline activities. to be scared is an entertainment- though yes, most of us do carry some bulls eyes for personal terrors, from environmental issues to mental sanity, etc.

this time halloween at the banff centre was decorated by the indie bands concert, fireworks (where else do they celebrate halloween with public fireworks? i thought i went mad), then usual gusto of costumes, alcohol, laughter, flirting (one of my friends recently said: oh halloween, the excuse to dress slutty, hahahah) and as the unspoken rule, the day after, a quiet hazed silence upon everyone. every one of us in need to recharge, to restart, something anything.

so it was the night of quiet bubbles of activities. cooking. sharing. laughter. conspire toward the full moon and organize a night walk, etc etc and i think we all left with a bit more charged than before. properly nourished. with love. from one to another. how nice is it to share the simple act of 'sharing,' as you cannot share much by being yourself and alone. haha. a battery shall not charge if it is only connected to a node, it need to be connected to both nodes, positive and negative. in and out. one and others. and if i saw correctly, some of us needed that badly. to be reassured accepted recharged appreciated cared sought-after, for just being an individual.

nicely charged, i forge ahead to the month of november. who knows what it may hold. im hoping that it will be still full of needs for energy expenditure (it is nice to be excited about something and become completely bonkers i think?) and more need to recharge. as it is nice, to gather. like the people of the olds. like the people of the new. to gather. together. in banff spaceship. in my heart.

No comments:

Post a Comment