very short thoughts

it's been over a week since my last post and ive been itching to write as there have been even more events and people that came and weaved through my life. however, it's already 9pm and i am now finally off the schedule, with a lesson pending tomorrow and i would really like to play half-decent, meaning.. back to work bench.

pianist jean saulnier from montreal is here and he's been a very demanding coach really. i cant complain about the amount of energy and attention he spends on each one of us, but seriously, after three hours of it, i say my brain is pretty busted. ouch. this wk, my old friends from the utoronto days, the silver birch quartet was here for a short residency and it's been real nice to see them once again. it's funny how much have happened in last five years, at same time, some of our personal characteristics have not changed.. at all! ha ha. i suppose that shows for personal integrity!

there was also a short excursion to a natural hot springs in BC, a spectacular day out in sulphur mountain, even if it was a bit stiff with blue knees from the tunnel mountain. also a recent review toward children's world through monsters inc. the movie (i think it's sooo brilliant). the temperature have dropped significantly over night and now it's proper ball-freezing winter. tomorrow's two recording sessions and we open on friday concert. much things to be done. and i also want to continue to collect more pieces from everyone, to keep it as mental puzzle pieces, so the time- really is- crunched. it's hardly noticeable mr. banffmagic have been gone since sunday in a sense things been rolling everywhere and anywhere.

the duality of nature, or time, will bring everything to a halt, and there'll be time for rest and reflections, just not right now, when the momentum is hot and fast. i may as well ride it as best as i can, as the winter solemn break will come, as the solstice brings the darkest and longest night hours to the ground. until it heads up again. till then, i hope to keep my eyes open, my heart honest and my feet on the ground. it's been a hard day today, coachings coachings coachings rehearsals etc., often when im pushed to the edges of the things, or capabilities, it become a real soul drainage. but it's alright. if the tub would never drain, you could never draw a fresh bath. a stagnant pool will alway turn into dead water. let it flow and live. monkey, it's your time to let things pass through, including if rapid drainage.

i shall keep a simple fact in my heart to keep it going. i am here, not because i am something or i worked hard, but because of the collective actions and thoughts of my people- and the people i will meet in the future, and the people who i may never even meet yet. im a small part of the world, probably smaller than a single cogwheel of a gigantic clock, but without it, it wont really run proper, and i am not a replacement, but of an initial part, as conceived, called for and cared for.
and as fast as life runs, i will learn to look at it with the slow eyes, looking for every bits of puzzles. pieces. fragments. slow down. pause. look. see. think. absorb.

i am lucky and loved. despite of all the demands, i am still acknowledged as a person and there is no more a person could ask for. the impacts of lives on one another is gigantic- i cannot let one busy day get to my head. i chose to be here initially and i will continue till the end of the residency, with conviction and heart. as i am also fed and cared by people who continuously care for me. with affections and compassion that surpasses the daily grind. as i fall asleep and as i wake. i am an individual, i am a citizen. i am a friend and a musician. i am a nutters and i am vulnerable. i am here and i have manifested as a musician. my voice is heard and it will speak.
with compassion.

with heart.
that's right.

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