20.1.10

crossing over


finally i went to see avatar 3D today. first time we went, it was sold out, literally about 5 people before our turn to get the bloody tickets. today, we thought the afternoon time should work great- well, it took them about 20 min to figure their damned system, so once again, it took a while. i was going to seriously laugh it was to be cancelled. but no. it did roll and for 3 hours i was deeply touched.

one may wonder, what is so different? the story board is quite simple- the polarized good-evil, the inferences made to the idea of conquests, vietnam references, cross-race love story, etc. nothing very new, just very well weaved. in fact the stark contrast between the navi's and humans were almost comical.

but as all exaggerated stories do, there was much room, the gaps in between, for the true feelings to mix in. wider the range is, the more one is able to pour one's own experiences into it. simple CGI move becoming a work of art. the cusp point of mixing the two separate and unrelated worlds.

crossing two different worlds in two different bodies, where one world, the 'real' world is slowly overtaken by the beauty of the 'unreal' or even 'foreign' world, up to the point of absolute saturation where there is nothing more desired than to become part of the new found world, hence, making it a reality. sadly, it happens so rarely- impossible really, for the general public, and thats what makes it a such a great drama. a story. a dream. a hope.

but it is not so far from the world as we have known it so far is it?

i feel as if i could draw a parallel to the world we dreamed and lived, as one cannot help but to live many fractured, or put somewhat nicely, multifaceted life, as context and time constantly moves on. teterotopias. and there are moments in the past, whichever the 'real' or 'unreal' world one seeks in desperation. especially the deeper and more concentrated one's particular experience may be, it becomes more detached from the daily, objective life.

then comes this feeling- keeping the past, or 'fantasy' alive, keep feeding it, nurturing it, like secret garden. not a great yearning to go back to it necessarily,
but to keep that vitality alive.
and the fact what we have lived are still extended through the fibres of daily life, weaved and intertwined between peoples, places, stories, laughter and tears.

yesterday in stark contrast, i felt a bit suicidal *ahahaha, a feeling that has been quite far, but never completely gone. it manifested in the foggy damp rainy hillside of derbyshire, by time-eaten castle ruin. i havent touched the piano in ages. i feel a bit like those dry leaves on winter annuals (or what's left of them) quite often. and because i was desperate and broken, the world around me, the real world, was turning into a fantasy place where there was no room for me to live in. all places filled and monkey, left, unwanted and somewhat dismissed, because despising would take effort.

and today, this simple fairytale have stained the grey with bright bits of blue. once again, much like other grey-blue combinations in life i love so much, it lifted a bit of dampness out. such bright story. brilliantly done. simple, fantastic and... simply.. not real.

is it?

sending all of you little seedlings of warmest thoughts, at the point of late winter, at its last peak of force, from uk.

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