there has been a death on train lines of manchester piccadilly yesterday morning. all kinds of mayhem ensued from it: closed platforms, cancelled trains, backlogged travellers, all sorts. 31 years male, appears to be hit on with a freight train on platform 13. and the web discussion forum on newspaper articles range from pity to anger, as expected. some had an extra room in their minds to wish the ex-man and the inhabitants of now man-less world of his. some vented frustration over the transit system delays. a few 'condemned' this 'selfish' act.
i passed the news by as nothing really happened in this world. there were food on the stove, fire to be fed in the hearth and i was simply too immersed in my world, which was warm and nice. cliche picturesque and beautiful. death? let it pass by, thanks. just as if i would dismiss people handing out various advertisements on the street. i have no idea what they are, but i dont want them- how dare are they to waste paper and resources like this, hrump! how impractical solution for others, as they have to suffer the consequences of his action, would you pass the salt please, etc etc.
but this morning, i feel quite... different. by this age, i think we all have been there once at least: wishing to cease to exist. so painful and excruciating that you want to keep the life away, far as you could, including snuffing it off. done. the only difference between the living and the dead ones are very slight: mission successful or unsuccessful. just that the actual results may be quite different, even considered polar-opposite.
if dying was so easy, i bet there will be many bits missing in this world. including myself. call it indetermination or inept execution. even stroke of luck or results of the kindness of the world toward me. the bare fact is that i am still here and though the current situation may look less than ideal, i am still able to find happiness in things, people and the world, in a tangible way. if it was to be completely lucid mad happiness, i would also take that.
so in that sense, i feel sorry for the loss of a life. he's my age. i dont know what his story is. but i bet like all people, there will be persons who will feel a direct fang of loss. perhaps people who he didnt even consider. people who he didnt even know of their existence. then also with the others who will resonate with the loss, even though it wont be their direct loss: people who had similar situations, people with lost people in their lives (all of us).
dear nameless man, you may have left this place, seeing it a very lonely place. the suffering either snuffed off your will to live or you caved in great temptation for what seemed to be a practical solution for a temporary situation. but i am not to criticize, as whole as a society, we have failed you somehow. it isnt my fault, but i am sorry to see you go. not because i had something i wanted from you, but because of the joys you were entitled to and you did not receive, whatever the reason is. i would have gladly sat down with you and be an anonymous listener. next time, do catch me and tell me. be well.