4.4.11

whirlwind of april

i remember looking at the calendar, thinking: hmm what is google going to do this year for april fool's gag?

well, funny enough i still havent found out, though i hear in the wind that they were trying to encourage people to use 'slow' internet to save the bandwidth or something, haha.  but seriously, it's already 4th of april- where did the time go?  it's been rather busy though- last week, i was busy playing the hero, rescuing a concert from cancellation- a pianist had an injury and so i was called in on monday to play on thursday. it makes me feel a bit silly that now i can actually say 'yeah, i will do it'- couple years ago, i wouldve been shivering at the very thought.

and then couple other things- recording, playing, editing, general freelancing and the logistics housework that comes with it.  i feel like saying 'no' to some things yet i know that i have open summer coming up so i may as well enjoy it i suppose!  and with this newly built 'wealth'  (a very small scale), i even went and opened up a savings account.  i figure since it costs 'me' to withdraw money from it, even if i put in 20 bucks every week, it will be something.  we'll see how it goes.  as long as i dont dip into it, i think it'll be alright!

and yes, april showers are here, for may flowers, supposedly.  but to get there, there are couple more things i need to.  there was that negotiation again with my old church, about playing for easter vigil and sunday service.  the challenge is that because i was working there as a kiddie, it's almost impossible to be treated as a professional with a naughty degree.  the pay isnt enough really and vigil service lasts eternity.  the first reading of the seven talks about the creation of the world and i swear it feels as if it does take a whole week to just go through that. and then there's all kinds of blessing. of oil. candles. water. children. bees.

seriously. though i love the idea of easter vigil (one of these days i am hoping perhaps i could go see a greek or russian orthodox service- since they tend to have much drama in their services), but this year, i will be at the organ bench, doing volunteering with small token of 'thanks' for the cab fare (as sunday, i will need to take a cab as subway doesnt run till 9am but rehearsal does).  i wasnt going to do it but then mom really wanted me to. and thinking how close it is to gabe's first anniv, i suppose there is no way to get out of it. sigh.

then it's been doing chores such as vacuuming the house, laundry, taking granny to the doctors (i really hope granny can have a pain-free bits till the end) and other sundry things.  oh yeah, there's also another stack of music to learn. ive been recording myself a track a day for about a week- then it just became impossible. im wanting to get back to it... may be next wk, when im done with another recital. haha. ya right. but it's a good thing to think of, continuous footages for myself, from myself.  and i like the fact i can send these bits of my day to minnow. he can see and hear monkey bits, all decoded from jumbles of zeros and ones. yay.

and i bit the bullet and bought a plane ticket for the summer, departing in june and getting back here to yyz in august. i have no idea what is going on with the citizenship stuff- i know i should stay put (and that's prob what they want) but i really do not want to put everything in life on hold because of that. though it may come back and bite me nasty on the ass *sincerely crossed fingers, wishing for the best.  my best buddy PO is going to come with me for about ten days to chill out in uk with us and minnow's quite excited- he's starting to work on the second bedroom to make it nice, and we can go visit the new media city and stuff.

and then there are fragmented thoughts for my friends- i havent seen them in so long it feels! they are all over the place yet they always pop up quite easily and readily in my mind on daily basis.  how nice it would be to let them know about it- even just a line: hey, i was passing by the school notice board and saw you on the juilliard prog poster! awesome! you look so pretty! haha. but so far it's been just  thoughts.  i feel that i owe mr bearcub a letter as well- i wonder when i am going to have the time to write one... and i want to drop a line to mr. bookbomber and the list goes on and on.  i just somehow wish that these important and lovely people do know that i love them dearly.  when may flower comes and school season is done, may be i will get to it then... lazy monkey! what a shame, ha.

it's like being thrown into the dryer with the rest of the laundry. one does get to keep oneself, but while it's tumbling along, it is hard to see what one really is (unless it's that one single red underwear that somehow got mixed in with the whites)- and until the cycle is finished, there's no point but to go along with the ride.  but luckily, i have so many people who keep in close tap with me- especially PO and minnow.  it's such a joy to open one's inbox every morning and find a piece of beautiful offering- a picture, sometimes music. often a song and a joke.  and when my silly old phone goes 'beep!' i somehow know who it is.  being connected through and through, how great is that!

so while i am a bit short of sleep and brain space, i am happy to share that i am well and happy, well-taken care of, thanks to PO and minnow. and also other lovely people- especially a bassoon playing bird lady, a pirate trumpet genius, bookbomber, the honest and brilliant piano technicians at school... it does not have to be often i suppose, the connection just needs be real.  another group of people i want to get in touch with is the brothers and sisters of community of st. john in princeville, illinois.  as church rituals and idea of renewal is coming close, especially with my brother's anniversary, i think of these joyful people in the middle of open plain, praising life (and god), and being good people.  i should write to fr. nathan.  not because of a religious obligation but because he have touched my heart so many times.

april is a good month so far. and i wish i would take the breather to express my thankfulness to appropriate people.  however, then i may not get anything done, haha! so here it is, a small wee notes from this monkey: thanks for being who you are, my dear friends.  and as e.e.cummings said: i carry your heart with me:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

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