27.9.12

shot through the heart, unexpectedly


i ran into this korean illustrated story on facebook today. obviously, it is in korean, however, i think with this, the story may not need too many words. the old lady is walking, from end of her present life to the start of new one.  the man in the suit is the post-death figure, guiding her to the doorway.
http://comic.naver.com/webtoon/detail.nhn?titleId=500942&no=6&weekday=thu

she talks about why it has to be so difficult. losing her husband 12 years ago. taking care of her only daughter, then the grandkid. worked till the fingers were worn out. then came the end.  12 years of endless work and- solitude. however, she did love. loved for real, with her life. from age 19, for happy 50 years. she wonders if she could meet him now- with that same butterflies in her tummy.

guide tells her: there's the door to the next life. you go alone from here. to think, to reflect. to conclude, to end, before you start a new one.

is he in there?

guide tells her: no. he isnt there anymore. once you pass the door, you will be reborn, tabula lasa. but once married, you will be with him in the next one.

she simply says: unfortunate...

too sorry to go like this, i cant leave...

dear, what did you think about when you were here? were you also sorry to go?

there he is.
what took you so long? look at you, all wrinkly, haha.
let us go.

were you here the whole time?

let me carry you. how is the kid?
all grown up. even the grandkid-
hmm. already.

how was it with out me?
not even going to go there.

i filled this house, the silent space, with various small noises- tears, runny nose, and heart. to imagine such feeling- that may even transcend 12 years of gap, between living and dead.  i cried, by myself, thinking about the love i have received from others, the love i wish to give to others. and also the love i keep reserved for the ones who has left already.  i wondered if it would be true- if one has to wrap up, knowing no more of 'it' can be retained anywhere, to be at peace, to start anew- and if so, what i would be thinking about.

what my little brother may have thought about.

of love that i hold and generate for my friends and family.  the friends that i wish i can do more for, as they give me more than they could ever imagine.  of people that i still keep near to my heart, because of their beauty that sustains me during the hard times.

and of the love that i hold for dearest minnow.
knowing that he would also wait for me. even for 12 years.


being able to have such room in one's mind-
this is a luxury that i hold so important.
as it reminds me what it is to be a human.
love to you all.

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