that elusive sanity

at the present, it is a weird thing to acknowledge or casually discuss the mental health issue. bit like talking about cancer, it's always serious and heavy. but perhaps the truth for most people is bit closer to having a 'passing cold,' where one goes through a light phase of mental uncertainty, a bit of disturbance.  nothing dangerous, but uncomfortable and  may be painful.

change in sleep pattern, eating pattern, manifestation of obsessions, irritation, these are all real symptoms of mental illness.

however, this is different than to simply slap on an easy label: depression, obsessive-compulsive, borderline-personality disorder.  somehow, through shallow, wide, repeated exposure through the bombardment of the media, we so casually toss these nouns around.  but the truth is that 'feeling depressed' may not be the same thing as having a clinical depression.

it's bit like everyone all the sudden claiming gluten sensitivity (HAHA); yes, celiac is real and there ARE people with gluten sensitivity. however, there are ALSO people who self-dignose and freely use gluten-sensitivity to describe themselves.  or lactose-intolerance. or whatever the fad is at the moment...

why is this distinction important?

well, rather than belittling the problem, or avoiding the real issue (this includes blowing the problem out of proportion for self-justification), perhaps the willingness to observe and acknowledge self in busy times, especially dark winter in toronto, will allow each one of us to find way to balance self to be healthy.

i have been running, trying to eat not too much or little, go out and socialize and enjoy my work to the fullest, in preparation for the possible onslaught of hope by winter.  i even love winter, but yes, it can do damage.  and may be sometimes, what i can do actively is not enough to ward off the ghost entirely.

i acknowledge that i may be going through a slightly patchy period.  and i also acknowledge that i am doing my very best to keep self centred. however, i do understand that i may just feel a bit crappy, just like having a runny nose for a few days.  and that it can be quite painful, just like a physical illness.  sometimes you wash your hands million times but still get sick (ask elementary school teachers!)

in the midst of february second semester storm, i wish everyone a sane month. hang on. and if you need help or change, go seek it. it's there. no one needs to suffer alone.  and yes, it is alright to be- say, lazy. it may not be that you are 'depressed.'  if you are tired but decide to call yourself depressed, it is really not going to help anyone. it is inaccurate and simply not true.  the world does not need you to be a hero all the time, do acknowledge the real cause of the problem and proceed.  covering one's tiredness as 'medical' problem won't help anyone, including self.

and IT IS OKAY TO NOT MEET EXPECTATIONS.
after all, they are only projections into the future. they are not real. they are hopes, and they may not even be appropriate anyhow! (like like kids wanting to drive the firetruck TODAY NOW).  it is okay to accept 'no.'

however, if you really are having a mental health issue, there is no shame in taking care of the situation.  love to all and take care! i am going to desperately try to sleep.

when one is short of sleep, life can become very difficult very fast, haha.