a day in the life of piano monkey

close up from: dig down dig up, 2004 by helgi h jaltalins ejolfsdorfs http://youtu.be/KqfQ7Ob0sxU a year has run off through my fingers, like thick oil flow. i tried to grasp withering and passing thoughts, brilliant at the peaks yet so quick to perish.  i thought of many things and a few of them has left themselves as hard, dormant seeds in my mind, waiting for time- to spring up, break through the thick husk, to grow, to carry on.  somewhere along the line, i have lost a few things and i wonder what other things i may have lost and just never realized. or have not realized yet. i have wiped peoples' tears and i shed a few, trying to contain the little wells of sorrows that sprung up from the bottom of my heart- but they overflowed. gracing down my face, onto the void, where all sorrowful thoughts go.  perhaps waiting to be covered with dust, to be dried up.  i have put away things then opened boxes that has been forgotten, rediscovering the quiet yet vivid tho...

i was going to look up to see why the city feels funny this evening.  well, then i realized exactly why- it's another full moon.  with weather like today- we had hail, flurry, slit, rain at 45' angle, sunshine, everything, it is impossible not to look up when everything suddenly look crisp clear.  yep, it's rather cold for april as well.  egg moon for the april.  this year, it falls on tomorrow. last year, it fell on 28 april 2010. on that egg moon of 2010, i was waiting for you, gabe.  in kelowna. in a bizarre hotel room where everything looked slick yet it clearly wasnt up to the class it wanted to be. like the wall that looks okay until you realize something isnt at the right angle or something. the wall that's been repainted from another batch of paint. your friends were quietly talking amongst themselves and mike dropped into the conversation. i was probably writing.  desperately. 356 days ago. identification.  i met you in a complete...

  as soon as rain touches the ground and we see puddles, there they come, wiggly icky worms. mostly moving in straight direction, to where- i wonder? leisurely strolls on the ground, only when the sun isnt out, perhaps a bit surprised about the air above the dirt- on the pavements, sidewalks,  nothing rushes them or worries them. just little water drops (enormous for them!), gliding down their round body. glistening with the bits of life-giving water, my little wee bro used to pick them up, gently then hold it in both hands, cupped, a child's treasure, and he would simply say: oh it's so pretty. look. with no eyes, no danger foreseen- no pedestrians, no bicycles, not even cars. without being chased by the visual madness of the rainy day, as everyone holds up another limb with stretched effort against the rain, often swaying hopelessly against the gutsy wind, worms continue,  slow stroll,  skin embraced by the gentled, muted light of the rainy day. i pick my fo...

hello wee bro! hope you are chillin'well while monkey's been burning 12 hours days. well, i know, i should be better organized but i do have to say that some family chores ate up some serious hours as well this week.  me and dad finally made an appointment at the cemetery to order your grave monument.  never i thought i would be taking the york transit bus on a freezing cold day to meet dad at the cemetery to discuss the 'aesthetics' (they say) or 'costs' (as i say) haha.  but that's what needed to happen. did you know that you cant even really just walk into the cemetery for these things? there has been line ups, i was told. crazy. i never knew. correction. i never have thought about. mom's been quite anxious about getting your 'name card,' she really wanted to have one done by your first anniversary.  and well, it'll be a little late, as it's been 11 months and 11 days (coincidence.  you know i like symmetry eh?) and it will take appr...

i remember looking at the calendar, thinking: hmm what is google going to do this year for april fool's gag? well, funny enough i still havent found out, though i hear in the wind that they were trying to encourage people to use 'slow' internet to save the bandwidth or something, haha.  but seriously, it's already 4th of april- where did the time go?  it's been rather busy though- last week, i was busy playing the hero, rescuing a concert from cancellation- a pianist had an injury and so i was called in on monday to play on thursday. it makes me feel a bit silly that now i can actually say 'yeah, i will do it'- couple years ago, i wouldve been shivering at the very thought. and then couple other things- recording, playing, editing, general freelancing and the logistics housework that comes with it.  i feel like saying 'no' to some things yet i know that i have open summer coming up so i may as well enjoy it i suppose!  and with this newly built ...

it's been somewhat uncreative days as far as blogging is concerned. it's always on the edge of my mind, as it does make me happy to share thoughts to not-so-random-public.  and there has been much conversations with monkey surroundings, things that speak audibly and things that speak silently. but it does take a fair bit of time to adjust and assess thoughts, then put it down.  perhaps couple new small habits are getting in the way?  it is a weird thing, one can stay out from home for a long time and do many hours of 'work,' however, being a freelancer means that one does whole bunch of different things in the day.  there are less familiarity with the days- if i was working at an office, for instance, i would have some constants: co-workers, my (rigidly confined) tasks/responsibilities, geographical logistics (path to work, home, favorite coffee spot, pick-me-up-bakeries, my working area, etc).  but often such things, taken granted and even despised once in aw...

it's another full moon. a lenten moon.  shrove tuesday have passed and those who observe, has been marked with small reminder on forehead: ashes.  though the city has been sprinkled with green bits celebrating st. paddy's day, which turns itself into a weekend-long celebration, there is a definite scent of solemn silence.  it's a funny thing isnt it- st. patrick's day somehow became a reason to drink silly and be less-responsible.  however st. patrick was promoted largely to create pro-christian slant to the pagan irish, initially.  but supposedly in this world where there must be no co-relation of religion and society (which is impossible anyways), st. paddy may be happy enough to be recognized, even for selling another pint of guiness. memento pulvis es, et pulverem reverteris (genesis 3:19). in one of the most important book of western civilization, the bible, we are reminded of the 'end,' that to dust, we shall return. there has been much stories of...

Hiroaki Ohno/Yomiuri Shimbun, via Associated Press average price (in yyz, recent as possible, in canadian dollars) pint of decent beer: 7  a bottle of crap beer: 4 a 'good' burger: 7.5 'good' fries: 3 a fast food meal combo: 7 ttc one-way ride: 2.5-3 weed: 10 per gram movie at big theater: 13 movie at crap theater: 5-10 condom big-pack (12): 10-15 cell phone plan (month): 60 functional meal (nothing fancy): 7 itunes song: 1-1.2 bottle of wine: 12 pack of fags: 9 money spent on 1st date: 25-50 a bottled water: 1.5 cup of coffee: 2 burrito: 9 1 canadian dollar : 80 japanese yen it is pain to carry a sandwich or go without a cup of coffee in the afternoon. yes.  it's nice to be able to afford that second pint at your local fav brewery.  what's a burger without fries?  no one said you should go without shelter or even starve a meal.  most likely, a univ student or a full time worker is likely to skip a meal because of lack of time.  home packed lunches d...

the whole week flew by and i thought: friday, i shall finish the week and catch my sanity.  so i dragged self up early in the morning to cram mahler 1 for the class i work for. yawning, i had my eyes barely open, toothbrush stuck in my mouth, clicking through the daily emails, spams, scheduling and special online doctoral degree offers (somehow they have stopped sending me penis adverts. i wonder what caused that).  and as a proper farcebook sucker (i cant help it. i do like looking at it multiple times in a day, just to see how everyone is... or just to snoop, an honest answer), i started to eavesdrop on my friends... then a surprise: magnitute 8.9 (max 9.1) earthquake in japan. the farcebook was scattered with comments from friends, hoping and looking for footages or news from tokyo (where they are staying for next couple days) or yokohama (the concert venue they were on way to).  apparently the quake struck while the coach was on the suspension bridge. beside video ...

as a person who loves to eat, i do understand the dire importance of ‘moving.’  well, because we are animals, moving should be the integral part of our lives- however, the motivation for comfort often sabotages the lifestyle we require (to be functional), it often becomes a huge chore- to live the way that we are built to live.  for instance, i hate going to the gym in the evening; all i want to do once the sun is down is to borrow into a hole called home and do not much. Im not a big partier nor i ever enjoyed things like pub crawl or club hopping.  gimme a good bowl of food and a book/internet, im a happy bunny, albeit a fat one. so, instead of eating less and moving more (which would be greatly beneficial for the world), i tend to eat more and move a bit.  once in awhile, after holidays, especially, i get on the scale and get motivated to: move more.  never-ever i try to eat less, haha. some things are just too enjoyable, i suppose....

this is the infamous audition week: all kinds of people auditioning at the music school- i overheard that there are more than 600 auditions to be fitted in the months of february and march.  it makes playing the piano look like a seasonal gig.  and yes, it certainly is. people are flying with their instruments, driving hours with their parents, little kiddies making their first trip alone, the nerves, excitement, forgetfulness that resulted in missing scores for the audition panel, mistaken times, the triumph of playing it 'right' for the first time during audition- it's a very colourful  time. and i, piano monkey and other pianists are very busy as on top of auditions, there all kinds of recitals, recordings and projects.  usually september is so quiet you can hear the fly sing. march, you cant hear anything since everything is roaring loud. not just the music. but of transits. logistics and... ego. five days ago, i got an email late night. someone is looking f...

this wk has been full of events, people, things to do, to organize, and to dream of.  minnow is visiting toronto for a week and it's the first time that he's flown into the chaos and the excitement known as life of a freelancer. it amazes me sometimes how many quick turns i need to make during one day to make things work. dont get me wrong, it wont take much to just get through the day. but it always leaves a rather unclean feelings in one's mouth- doing things for the sake of getting it done and no more. so what is about this freelancer life that is hectic? well, let me at least clarify that i am no the kind of person who takes all work that comes in my way.  mind you, i like to work, but you see, this freelancer world can be quite brutal: survival of... the aggressive? one of the particularly funny thing is that because there is so many students who are experiencing something that is very new: audition, there are many questions that pops into the day that is a bit silly...

it's been rather cold in yyz for last couple days. but the upswing of it is that when it's really really cold like now, as soon as the sun comes out, the whole city is glowing, with super sharp edges. the wind makes your nose run, your eyes are half closed or squinting the whole time because it is so bright, and top of your ears are... well, frozen. and yet, it is possible to enjoy the crispness of it. just like the ice particles under one's feet, walking from/to a place to another, hard, super-focused wintry sensations. last couple posts have been somewhat introspective if a touch depressing. however, like most things in life, i feel that things are on the move again and that it's another cusp point to upward. just like how i imagine the young bulb shoots must look like back in english home.  little green tips pushing through the cracks of the dark soil. what a hopeful sight. i recently bought a recording- of my two favorite aritists, anne sofie von otter and brad ...

city is quiet, it's saturday evening. i am wrapping up the left overs of the wk now so i can head up and see my parents and granny for lunar new year's.  well, that's a bit of weird thing to say isnt it- i dont need a reason to go see them. i should just go see them because i do.  because we are connected.  as i am still connected to my wee brother despite the fact he is no longer alive.  as i am connected to my blue rabbit, also named 'wee,' who may appear to be a simple fluff to the untrained eyes. as i am connected to minnow who is far away, over 5500 km.  another night, separated, full of wintry weather- snow and quick wind. i can almost sense the coming snow- that cold scent on tip of the nose.  it's not here yet. but it'll be. my best friend here in toronto is gone to see his friends.  the house is empty.  soon, i will be out of the door as well.  it's a weird feeling to be so alone in such a big place, where there is enough energy ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v =veGF9Vjo_IE it's lunar new year.  another circle around the sun, carefully counted by the quiet moon.  though in my year in banff, i have learned that moon, when she wants to, can speak clearly and brightly, changing the entire world by turning it into millions of shades in monochrome.  and in yyz, the last day of last year was full of snow, where the wind carried them upward, against the fall of gravity- snow wasnt falling. it was blowing. flying. anything but settling. i called briefly to wish my family a happy new year. in midst of the daily grind, we spoke briefly, wishing the best,  using only plain words, nothing extravagant or elaborate.  perhaps all we wanted to say is that (i) love (you).   it's quite unsettling time for many different things.  but then since i have finished my last degree, things havent been settled really, so it's really not a surprise.  rather than growing a root in a place and nurtur...