a day in the life of piano monkey

subbing at a church service is much fun gig for me. as i no longer have a regular church job, it's been great going around town and fill-in for different congregation and denominations over the years. the funny thing is that playing the music is the easiest part, HAHA. every service is slightly different, and every church/choir/peeps do something bit different. yet because it's a sunday service, often, they all know WHAT TO DO, except me, the fill-in.  so sometimes things get exponentially silly, and today was one of those! 1. st. clair-lawrence bus: i got up early enough to do 5k run before the service. totes forgot to check it was the subway-bus day. check google, should make it just on the nose. system dawdles. and i make it with 1 min to spare. post-work out dash. 2. choir warm-up/review for service: goes smashing well. get into a discussion with a member about rando thing while making notes on bulletin for the day *ex. what to sing, where i play, what's spoken,...

thom yorke, cred: MediaPunch/REX/Shutterstock so this thom yorke anima tour was amazing. https://youtu.be/YNYJ_BJJbzI the visuals are stunning. even from scotia arena non-premium seat, the video was amazing.  this is the first time ive been convinced that video can be art- like, not just a medium carrying messages, but could be an abstract artistic discipline of its own. supposedly inspired by flying lotus (whos also doing a 3D show this year), i think anima's done what flying lotus wanted to do- a magic mashup of audio/video. (yes, i did go to the flying lotus show...) with these amazing videos (content-wise and technically)- if kandinsky, miro and klee had seen shows like this, and had options to do similar thing, would theyve stuck to the flat, still 2D world? a virtual palette where you can have any shades at any gradation available? true white light and true black? only thing that is missing is texture... honestly the most beautiful videos ive seen in a LONG...

https://youtu.be/HszfdNS0JSc there once was a lady who really wanted to sing. so she put her best effort and sang. and years later (now75 years after her death), she is mostly remembered- through people laughing and ridiculing her life. i dont really get the ridicule she receives. it is what we would equate as 'personal projects' today, and as such, people can either take it or leave it. she loved singing so much that she pursued it as seriously as she could, and created outputs which no one's forced to take, yet so many people take such joy pointing finger at 'how bad she is.' honestly, how many of us wouldve put in that much effort into a 'passion project?' so much schaudenfreuden from bitter average/below-average human beings- this is what i see. i tried watching the movie with meryl streep, but i couldnt finish it. it just hurt so much to watch things falling apart. people taking whatever they can take away from her, giving her false o...

eating while travelling is quite a topic. it is exciting, and sometimes downright sketchy/dangerous. haha. since i came back, ive been cooking. i realize that even at grocery shops, i was buying cooking materials than ready-to-eat-things.  as an extension of cooking my dinner at 10pm in toronto school days, i do take much joy in making food for myself and others. it's nothing fancy but i like it, and it tends to be good for my system (certain element repetition makes it easier for body to work with it). when i thought of being away for 40~ days, one of the first thoughts were: crap, what am i going to eat. i do enjoy the variety and the wealth of choices for food when im travelling. yes, it is one of the big joys of being away.  however, it can be quite tiresome- all that sugar, salt and fat, all the time.  especially in commercial, quick food.  as nice as it is to eat out 'quality' food at a great restos, it is simply not feasible (budget-wise and mentally)....

whenever i get to a new place, people were asking how i would find it.  and funny enough, the answers i had were probably unexpected... it usually involved the ambient sound and smells.  you see, with the globalization and the hyper-focus on visualization of EVERYTHING, we are almost too used to the images.  well, i am.  for instance, when i was at the shibuya crossing, it felt a bit weird- like ive been there before. but of course, ive been there before, through countless screens, many times. perhaps ive seen it more often than i have seen the middle of high park in toronto. so what i remember is the information that was never on those images- the smells, the slight air movement, the energy of the crowd. shibuya was fairly quiet for its density, though the wind never really stopped. the smell of transport exhaust and the slightly damp ground hit me right on the face as i got out of the subway stop.  similar thing in hong kong.  i landed in hongko...

hullo blog, it's been a good awhile... during the semester, it felt a bit too crowded to write anything, and during travel, it felt a bit too crazy to write anything. but as i, fortunately and thankfully, am back in chinley hermitdom, it would be nice to unfurl the thoughts from last few weeks. i left toronto, then scuttled through vancouver, japan, south korea, hong kong, macau, then finally to uk (for now). it's a nice point of pause. during those steps, i met my 40th birthday, and it was a rather a nice feeling- that it was good, and it will continue to be good, whatever 'it' may be.  i saw many things and it's almost too much to process as things went on.  perhaps the best way to do this is to start somewhere- and then it will go however as it needs to. for minimalist-life-style-strivers, it would be a great practice to backpack for awhile, and stay at little rabbit-hutch hostels. with a big and small backpack (may be total of 35L?), i had enough stuff to ...

vincent (v gogh)'s chair, with his pipe holidays are difficult, arent they? not that they are innately difficult, but the idea of celebration and importance of the occasions themselves can lend headaches and heartaches aplenty. as im on the all-time-consuming duty of lazing by the fire and eating silly things, i have time in my head. and lots of things swim around it. we favour tradition during these times, and tradition, inevitably highlights changes. some changes are great. some, not so much. in fact, im certain it's the heartaches that stays with us longer.  lost things, lost people. times gone by and things that will never be. and no longer be. news of births and celebrations are welcomed highly, but there are also news of unhappiness. slow news. fast news. no longer a news but a fresh heartbreak. all kinds, just like fruitcake bits. looking at social media pictures and postings, i realize that this is THE time to be happy. and that many of us will be ...

sunlight in empty room, 1963, edward hopper, oil on canvas https://youtu.be/x4gXCsdFlbU apparently this november was the darkest (least sunlight) november recorded in toronto. but today, it's all sunshine. the buildings are puffing continuous cloud (finally proper cold again), and the sky is pale blue with light gold tinge to it. things have shadows and it is glorious to lay in bed with sun stroking my hair. im supposed to be working at home, but i really just cant. this is really gorgeous. i guess the sun will start to set early enought (440pm), to arrive at dusk for 513pm. so may be it is okay to noodle and in sunshine. my first instrument of choice was the oboe. (i wasnt given one, HAHA) mom and i gather i couldnt be older than 3 (remembering things that were in the room in my memory).  i was sitting on patch of sunlight in our old old house in seoul.  we lived near the airport, so seeing the contrail (i still love them and their amazing arc) was quite normal. that da...

canada post's been on strike and it's been ruffling a few feathers. i understand, no one likes to have they stuff delayed in transit. i mean no one. and people's stuff are amazingly precious- though it's bit bizarre how stuff really overtakes anything else in the world for attention and importance. a few things are still in the mail for me, and one of my clients had to chew nails as payment cheque was super delayed due to strike. another one was in a desperate situation for cash flow, as her assistant cheque was delayed. i mean, im lucky. there are few things in mail, but it's not super urgent- it wont disrupt my cash flow in a sense i be in a hole, or receive financial penalty. i do have a book i want in transit somewhere, and i think it may get here well after i leave for the break. i did find it shocking that the federal govt really got onto action after eBay has nudged them, for their commercial parcel service disruption.  then i kept hearing people ta...

oh dear blog, im sorry, ive been busy writing for the ludwig-van toronto. tis funny, when i started to write for them, i didnt realize it will often take the place you had in my mind, much apologies! there has been many small thoughts that i had for blogposts, but somehow, ive been chasing other stuff.... but blog, you are on my mind! anywhoooo, here are the writings from month of sept-october, and i hope to get back writing some more personal stuff soon, as world is full of silly situations..! https://www.ludwig-van.com/toronto/2018/11/01/primer-tafelmusik-has-their-eyes-on-the-work-of-agostino-steffani/ this was a fun one. who knew 18th century 007 did more than current 007... he even wrote killer music charts.. https://www.ludwig-van.com/toronto/2018/10/12/profile-chilly-gonzales-i-always-consider-myself-a-musician-who-happens-to-be-playing-the-piano/ we need more positive people like chilly in the world- especially in music!! https://www.ludwig-van.com/toronto/2018/10/09/primer-fiv...

ford@ senate judiciary committee. win mcnamee/AP i go to the gym during day time. today i was watching ford-kavanaugh hearing. the one lady who came in the middle of dr. ford's testament, the same lady who once said 'ms. clinton should wear something better than that ugly suit for the campaign,' then said: "she shouldve reported that 30 years ago." i was so angry that i ended up making some sort of animal noise. the group of ladies who socialize looked at my direction and continued. "if my daughter experienced this, she would surely have reported right away." "she's drinking coke. shouldnt she stay away from caffein?" ---------------------------- okay, your daughter will be believed. because she has rich, white, powerful family (the lady often talk across the gym about her personal life, so we cannot not hear it).  your daughter's been taught since she was a little dot, that she has the right to speak out. you...

one of my favourite murals near chinatown, @hogtown vegan's wall with a couple turns of events, i am wearing another small hat for work. i should put all of them on a keychain, lol. i decided it's time for me to learn something that ive been dreading/was never good at/find frustrating (probably because im not so good at it): managing. to manage: 1560s, probably from Italian maneggiare "to handle," especially "to control a horse," ultimately from Latin noun manus "hand" (from PIE root *man- (2) "hand"). Influenced by French manège "horsemanship" (earliest English sense was of handling horses), which also was from Italian. Extended to other objects or business from 1570s. Sense of "get by" first recorded 1650s. https://www.etymonline.com/word/manage well, if anyone knows about being kicked, it would be horse people. and sometimes, people tell you a particular point over and over in one's life. but somehow, it kin...

i finally was at right time and right place to see the documentary: mcqueen. https://youtu.be/4OjX3ZbsfbU growing up in the 90s in canada, i saw fair bit of fashion television as english-learning teenager.  the world that was so far from everyday (especially for a dry cleaner/laundromat owners' daughter who was teased constantly for being overweight with big thick glasses), seemed ridiculous.  after many days and nights of sewing buttons on freshly washed button down shirts, and measuring my customers for new pants hem length, i became bulletproof practical about 'fashion': if it is washable, breathable, non-ironing and long-lasting, i will buy it!  *this is still quite true, haha. though, in much ridiculousness, there were few images that i do remember from these 'fashion' vignettes- they were somehow different. i didnt really understand it, but i saw that there were some real beauty in this haute couture culture. (my favourite houses are mcqueen, dolce & ga...

the promised rain here today. all day, they say. rain rain well stay if you want i guess. papercut opoposite. and like a little kid, i sought opposite. -------------------- this summer, i got to the sahara desert. it's been a dream of mine. it was vast, quiet, hot yet cool. so different from the volcanic desert of inner iceland- full of gale wind, exploding gaysers and vibrant multicolour streams with minerals in them. sahara was warm colours. and blue. so much blue. it was still full of life still, though the road to tumbuktu has been quiet for a long time. and the silence. it was a full moon night when we camped. i walked out for good hour in the middle of the night. lie down on the sand, cooling quickly, i saw the moon so bright. to be erased - foot steps. and no one, nothing around. even the air was still. today, even downtown is quiet. no honking to break the air. i cant help myself but to pull these pictures out, they were right. desert was, and is a ...

just outside this morning; where did summer go? dear blog, i realize that i abandoned you in last four months- 119 days to be exact. somehow, there's a weird relief that ive realized it before the full 120 days, not that it would make a huge difference. lots of things happened, and ive been many places. ive seen many people, and ive met a few persons. the summer that was hot, and the summer that now was. all these things, i believe, will come out in little threads here and there. may be even HERE. as the low sky full of clouds casts a pause into the city- a rarity, onto the city, i picked up the book that ive been meaning to read, but has been too 'noisy' for. the book asked me straight: what is silence? where it is? why is it more important now than ever? it's perhaps a bit too magical. but here i am. it's always bit weird to get back into the city and get back into life where people/ideas/things constantly move around, with communication th...

my 6 years old student asked me two weeks ago: kid: do you have a belly button? me: everything that has a 'mother' does, so yes. well, marsupials and platypuses dont. kid: can i see it? me: no. kid: then how would i know that youve got one? me: ask my mom. she gave birth to me. kid: but i asked nicely! me: and i said no, nicely! yesterday, with an excuse of 'mother's day,' the four of us (big bro busy, small bro dead), went to have a lunch. two moms and a dad, and a kid.  she wanted a chunk of cash, so she got that. we all got more than enough food for lunch. yay. then on way to drop me off at the subway: mom: am i an organ donor? me: are you? mom: you marked on my renewal form that i am, me: then you are. mom: is it marked on the card? me: i dont think so? *both look at driver's license, but has no clue me: i think they will look your record up directly. mom: so if im a donor, what do they take? me: i dont know, but i doubt they take 'all' mom: the...

found on street. the last week of april and first week of may has been quite demanding. there were a few lovely recitals that i was so happy to be part of. there was an outreach concert to faraway nursing home and my dad did the deed of dad taxi to help me out, which was very touching. the lovely uber driver returned my black shoes and he was so shy to receive a few bucks and bits of chocolate. the friend returned pants i left at a show and even bought me an excellent brunch. the lovely choir peeps are presenting chamber works this sat and theyve been working so hard. the friend i havent seen in person for two-whole-years, we had chance to drink together in person. the lovely friend who presented a great program of multi-cellos, i was lucky to write about that. the beautiful composer who i admired, i met in person and am now an official fan girl. the gautier capucon show i wanted to go to, a close friend went instead and was ecstatic. colleague of mine was in a fatal car crash...

in five min, it'll be a full 8 years since we buried the little one under the ground. it was a rainy day. it didnt pour, but it did spit the whole day. the ground was slightly soggy and i tugged a card into his final outfit- a small box. when we turned away from the fresh mound of earth, the ground underneath was making that wet, soggy sound. yesterday, a friend was involved in a car accident with a passenger. we were on way to see him and we took a wrong turn, and saw the street all blocked up with yellow tape. about an hour later, we were down at the hospital. we learned that the passenger died at the scene. friend'll be in hospital for a bit. there is so much more story to this situation. but it's not my own family, so i leave it be for now.  it's their privacy and there's a time for sharing grief and then there's time to wait and listen. but it was such a beautiful day. the air that makes people giddy. 5% less care, as it goes in the wind. th...

today was the last day of the instrumental jury accomp. thanks to everyone who has kindly invited me to be part of their prep and presentation. i honestly did enjoy every bit of playing we did together, with every ONE of you and i really am happy to learn more about each persons- and special thanks to the first year students: thanks for trusting me with a 'new step.' there are many able and great pianists in this big city, so to be asked to be the 'wingman' is a great honour. and i hope you felt supported, cared and respected, as a colleague.  yes, colleague, as equals. have a great summer, most of you (expt you poor buggers who has chamber exam on the END OF THE MONTH HAHAHA), and looking forward to next phase of recitals as well! imma lucky kid.

haha, hard to tell whether it's for a child or a senior. today, dad,mom,granny were at home, meeting up with the social worker, i was phoning in. the request for this meeting came quite suddenly, as there's a possibility that a bed may be free for granny at a local nursing home. *yeah this is the shouty lady. granny's 94, turning 95. she's been living a long time, long enough that she is now shrinking. i remember that day i realized that i was taller than her. woot. now she's at least head shorter than i am. her rings are so big now that she has put yarns around the ring to pad them up. hehe. she sometimes forgets stuff now, and though she is quite lucid, sometimes she says unrelated things, like a little kid. when i hold her hands, it's quite tiny. and i have small hands. mom's in late 60s and while dad's seeking freedom (?) at work, she takes care of granny at home. sometimes she's about to lose her mind, but i guess we all do fe...