a day in the life of piano monkey

this morning, i headed to the local loblaws early, trying to get some milk; i dont drink milk, but housemate does. and as he's got such crap immunity, i thought i would go get it for him.  shop was bit mad, and everyone was crossed that things move 'so slow.' *glad i dont have to go into that shop for awhile. there's LOTS of entitlement going on, lol. when i got to the cashier, i realized that i could not find my grocery bag. so i paid for stuff, and then went back into the shop, looking for this bag. it was nowhere to be found, after doing 3 full round of the whole shop, so i left. i asked at the main office of my building, to see if anyone had picked up an orange reusable bag with a doggie on it, and by chance, a contract worker who was chilling by the lobby said he's seen it. 'ive seen you go out today, and there was an orange cloth bag at the back. and a caretaker picked it up and put it in one of the garbage steel dump load.' he came out with ...

:christ washing the disciples' feet, tintoretto https://youtu.be/WyqdRfRXKW0 in this time of weirdness, lots of things changed. instead of mad ride through rehearsals, juries and concerts, i am largely unoccupied. unoccupied, meaning unemployed, unutilized, perhaps even unawake. instead of running fast to put in that obligatory 5k run first thing in the morning, i am walking, somewhat aimlessly, slow, with lots of time to look around, seeing things that i havent seen YET in all places that i thought i knew, and finding new places that i have never seen. i knew about some foodbanks around my area, but i have never seen the line up. till last week. i did a shift at local community kitchen today. this is the first time in a long while that i could chip in physically. i usually send money, as it's easy, and i dont have to be there. it's been said, that the most important thing is to be there. i wasnt, cuz i was busy. im a seasonal worker. it would be really c...

i went on a long walk today (to cherry beach to k town and back). then eventually i had to look for a bathroom. every public space is shut, and even park bathrooms are shut (thanks assholes for getting the parks shut). i literally begged a few coffee shops that were open, but they all sited city regulation and pointed to the door.  a kind man operating a small subway shop took a pity on me, and gave me a coin, and told me to open the lock and use the bathroom- and that he never opened it for me.  since i couldnt give back the coin, i bought a drink and left a good tip. he literally saved my day. we talked about how terrible it is for small businesses and homeless. he said 'coin trick' was the only thing he could think of to share with the homeless. i think of what's going to happen to homeless. i wonder what people actually do in long runs. i wonder how his little sub shop will do- as it's usually the cheapest option for the mass, and obvious with george brow...

things changed pretty fast since last sunday, and yyz is quiet. covid lockdown. just like that (bit amazing really), my calendar became empty and visitors were cancelled, and i am left with no-task days. then i remind self that i do this every summer. by being in long distance relationship, i choose to spend time in uk during summer, and so once i leave, it's just days of 'freedom.' i try to run everyday, and do some remote work, eat lots and be mostly empty in the head. this somehow, is also quite similiar to the camino de santiago. i questioned myself a few times, whathell am i doing there? but mostly you wake, pack, put shoes on, and go. i walked mostly by myself. that was okay too. the difference i see now is that many of my lovely peeps (and myself) werent prepared for this 'break,' and that suddenly, we are all doing it. whether it be not being able to see family and loved ones, being at home with ones to care for, and probably most pressing, cash ...

i havent wrote blogs in awhile. partly because writing for ludwig van toronto has been fulfilling that need to write, and that writing to teh world can be a tiring thing, especially when there are potentials for arguments and contempt. but here is another one, hooray, happy 2020! at the gym today, i was trying to crush down 100 flights of stairs under 13 min, it is not super fast but it does take it out of me.  for last 2 min, i was holding onto the handrail, with horrible form, back stretched, and knees not underneath my body. i knew my form was horrid, but hey, just 4-5 more flights to go so, and somehow, like video game, i had to try to crush those numbers. silly me. then an older man appeared and stopped by me while i was publicly dying. man: your form will hurt your back me: thanks. and then he stood there, expecting- then he spoke again, man: it's better for you to go slower with better form me: thanks. what was he expecting? me to stop and correct my form? to immedi...

subbing at a church service is much fun gig for me. as i no longer have a regular church job, it's been great going around town and fill-in for different congregation and denominations over the years. the funny thing is that playing the music is the easiest part, HAHA. every service is slightly different, and every church/choir/peeps do something bit different. yet because it's a sunday service, often, they all know WHAT TO DO, except me, the fill-in.  so sometimes things get exponentially silly, and today was one of those! 1. st. clair-lawrence bus: i got up early enough to do 5k run before the service. totes forgot to check it was the subway-bus day. check google, should make it just on the nose. system dawdles. and i make it with 1 min to spare. post-work out dash. 2. choir warm-up/review for service: goes smashing well. get into a discussion with a member about rando thing while making notes on bulletin for the day *ex. what to sing, where i play, what's spoken,...

thom yorke, cred: MediaPunch/REX/Shutterstock so this thom yorke anima tour was amazing. https://youtu.be/YNYJ_BJJbzI the visuals are stunning. even from scotia arena non-premium seat, the video was amazing.  this is the first time ive been convinced that video can be art- like, not just a medium carrying messages, but could be an abstract artistic discipline of its own. supposedly inspired by flying lotus (whos also doing a 3D show this year), i think anima's done what flying lotus wanted to do- a magic mashup of audio/video. (yes, i did go to the flying lotus show...) with these amazing videos (content-wise and technically)- if kandinsky, miro and klee had seen shows like this, and had options to do similar thing, would theyve stuck to the flat, still 2D world? a virtual palette where you can have any shades at any gradation available? true white light and true black? only thing that is missing is texture... honestly the most beautiful videos ive seen in a LONG...

https://youtu.be/HszfdNS0JSc there once was a lady who really wanted to sing. so she put her best effort and sang. and years later (now75 years after her death), she is mostly remembered- through people laughing and ridiculing her life. i dont really get the ridicule she receives. it is what we would equate as 'personal projects' today, and as such, people can either take it or leave it. she loved singing so much that she pursued it as seriously as she could, and created outputs which no one's forced to take, yet so many people take such joy pointing finger at 'how bad she is.' honestly, how many of us wouldve put in that much effort into a 'passion project?' so much schaudenfreuden from bitter average/below-average human beings- this is what i see. i tried watching the movie with meryl streep, but i couldnt finish it. it just hurt so much to watch things falling apart. people taking whatever they can take away from her, giving her false o...

eating while travelling is quite a topic. it is exciting, and sometimes downright sketchy/dangerous. haha. since i came back, ive been cooking. i realize that even at grocery shops, i was buying cooking materials than ready-to-eat-things.  as an extension of cooking my dinner at 10pm in toronto school days, i do take much joy in making food for myself and others. it's nothing fancy but i like it, and it tends to be good for my system (certain element repetition makes it easier for body to work with it). when i thought of being away for 40~ days, one of the first thoughts were: crap, what am i going to eat. i do enjoy the variety and the wealth of choices for food when im travelling. yes, it is one of the big joys of being away.  however, it can be quite tiresome- all that sugar, salt and fat, all the time.  especially in commercial, quick food.  as nice as it is to eat out 'quality' food at a great restos, it is simply not feasible (budget-wise and mentally)....

whenever i get to a new place, people were asking how i would find it.  and funny enough, the answers i had were probably unexpected... it usually involved the ambient sound and smells.  you see, with the globalization and the hyper-focus on visualization of EVERYTHING, we are almost too used to the images.  well, i am.  for instance, when i was at the shibuya crossing, it felt a bit weird- like ive been there before. but of course, ive been there before, through countless screens, many times. perhaps ive seen it more often than i have seen the middle of high park in toronto. so what i remember is the information that was never on those images- the smells, the slight air movement, the energy of the crowd. shibuya was fairly quiet for its density, though the wind never really stopped. the smell of transport exhaust and the slightly damp ground hit me right on the face as i got out of the subway stop.  similar thing in hong kong.  i landed in hongko...

hullo blog, it's been a good awhile... during the semester, it felt a bit too crowded to write anything, and during travel, it felt a bit too crazy to write anything. but as i, fortunately and thankfully, am back in chinley hermitdom, it would be nice to unfurl the thoughts from last few weeks. i left toronto, then scuttled through vancouver, japan, south korea, hong kong, macau, then finally to uk (for now). it's a nice point of pause. during those steps, i met my 40th birthday, and it was a rather a nice feeling- that it was good, and it will continue to be good, whatever 'it' may be.  i saw many things and it's almost too much to process as things went on.  perhaps the best way to do this is to start somewhere- and then it will go however as it needs to. for minimalist-life-style-strivers, it would be a great practice to backpack for awhile, and stay at little rabbit-hutch hostels. with a big and small backpack (may be total of 35L?), i had enough stuff to ...

vincent (v gogh)'s chair, with his pipe holidays are difficult, arent they? not that they are innately difficult, but the idea of celebration and importance of the occasions themselves can lend headaches and heartaches aplenty. as im on the all-time-consuming duty of lazing by the fire and eating silly things, i have time in my head. and lots of things swim around it. we favour tradition during these times, and tradition, inevitably highlights changes. some changes are great. some, not so much. in fact, im certain it's the heartaches that stays with us longer.  lost things, lost people. times gone by and things that will never be. and no longer be. news of births and celebrations are welcomed highly, but there are also news of unhappiness. slow news. fast news. no longer a news but a fresh heartbreak. all kinds, just like fruitcake bits. looking at social media pictures and postings, i realize that this is THE time to be happy. and that many of us will be ...

sunlight in empty room, 1963, edward hopper, oil on canvas https://youtu.be/x4gXCsdFlbU apparently this november was the darkest (least sunlight) november recorded in toronto. but today, it's all sunshine. the buildings are puffing continuous cloud (finally proper cold again), and the sky is pale blue with light gold tinge to it. things have shadows and it is glorious to lay in bed with sun stroking my hair. im supposed to be working at home, but i really just cant. this is really gorgeous. i guess the sun will start to set early enought (440pm), to arrive at dusk for 513pm. so may be it is okay to noodle and in sunshine. my first instrument of choice was the oboe. (i wasnt given one, HAHA) mom and i gather i couldnt be older than 3 (remembering things that were in the room in my memory).  i was sitting on patch of sunlight in our old old house in seoul.  we lived near the airport, so seeing the contrail (i still love them and their amazing arc) was quite normal. that da...

canada post's been on strike and it's been ruffling a few feathers. i understand, no one likes to have they stuff delayed in transit. i mean no one. and people's stuff are amazingly precious- though it's bit bizarre how stuff really overtakes anything else in the world for attention and importance. a few things are still in the mail for me, and one of my clients had to chew nails as payment cheque was super delayed due to strike. another one was in a desperate situation for cash flow, as her assistant cheque was delayed. i mean, im lucky. there are few things in mail, but it's not super urgent- it wont disrupt my cash flow in a sense i be in a hole, or receive financial penalty. i do have a book i want in transit somewhere, and i think it may get here well after i leave for the break. i did find it shocking that the federal govt really got onto action after eBay has nudged them, for their commercial parcel service disruption.  then i kept hearing people ta...

oh dear blog, im sorry, ive been busy writing for the ludwig-van toronto. tis funny, when i started to write for them, i didnt realize it will often take the place you had in my mind, much apologies! there has been many small thoughts that i had for blogposts, but somehow, ive been chasing other stuff.... but blog, you are on my mind! anywhoooo, here are the writings from month of sept-october, and i hope to get back writing some more personal stuff soon, as world is full of silly situations..! https://www.ludwig-van.com/toronto/2018/11/01/primer-tafelmusik-has-their-eyes-on-the-work-of-agostino-steffani/ this was a fun one. who knew 18th century 007 did more than current 007... he even wrote killer music charts.. https://www.ludwig-van.com/toronto/2018/10/12/profile-chilly-gonzales-i-always-consider-myself-a-musician-who-happens-to-be-playing-the-piano/ we need more positive people like chilly in the world- especially in music!! https://www.ludwig-van.com/toronto/2018/10/09/primer-fiv...

ford@ senate judiciary committee. win mcnamee/AP i go to the gym during day time. today i was watching ford-kavanaugh hearing. the one lady who came in the middle of dr. ford's testament, the same lady who once said 'ms. clinton should wear something better than that ugly suit for the campaign,' then said: "she shouldve reported that 30 years ago." i was so angry that i ended up making some sort of animal noise. the group of ladies who socialize looked at my direction and continued. "if my daughter experienced this, she would surely have reported right away." "she's drinking coke. shouldnt she stay away from caffein?" ---------------------------- okay, your daughter will be believed. because she has rich, white, powerful family (the lady often talk across the gym about her personal life, so we cannot not hear it).  your daughter's been taught since she was a little dot, that she has the right to speak out. you...

one of my favourite murals near chinatown, @hogtown vegan's wall with a couple turns of events, i am wearing another small hat for work. i should put all of them on a keychain, lol. i decided it's time for me to learn something that ive been dreading/was never good at/find frustrating (probably because im not so good at it): managing. to manage: 1560s, probably from Italian maneggiare "to handle," especially "to control a horse," ultimately from Latin noun manus "hand" (from PIE root *man- (2) "hand"). Influenced by French manège "horsemanship" (earliest English sense was of handling horses), which also was from Italian. Extended to other objects or business from 1570s. Sense of "get by" first recorded 1650s. https://www.etymonline.com/word/manage well, if anyone knows about being kicked, it would be horse people. and sometimes, people tell you a particular point over and over in one's life. but somehow, it kin...

i finally was at right time and right place to see the documentary: mcqueen. https://youtu.be/4OjX3ZbsfbU growing up in the 90s in canada, i saw fair bit of fashion television as english-learning teenager.  the world that was so far from everyday (especially for a dry cleaner/laundromat owners' daughter who was teased constantly for being overweight with big thick glasses), seemed ridiculous.  after many days and nights of sewing buttons on freshly washed button down shirts, and measuring my customers for new pants hem length, i became bulletproof practical about 'fashion': if it is washable, breathable, non-ironing and long-lasting, i will buy it!  *this is still quite true, haha. though, in much ridiculousness, there were few images that i do remember from these 'fashion' vignettes- they were somehow different. i didnt really understand it, but i saw that there were some real beauty in this haute couture culture. (my favourite houses are mcqueen, dolce & ga...

the promised rain here today. all day, they say. rain rain well stay if you want i guess. papercut opoposite. and like a little kid, i sought opposite. -------------------- this summer, i got to the sahara desert. it's been a dream of mine. it was vast, quiet, hot yet cool. so different from the volcanic desert of inner iceland- full of gale wind, exploding gaysers and vibrant multicolour streams with minerals in them. sahara was warm colours. and blue. so much blue. it was still full of life still, though the road to tumbuktu has been quiet for a long time. and the silence. it was a full moon night when we camped. i walked out for good hour in the middle of the night. lie down on the sand, cooling quickly, i saw the moon so bright. to be erased - foot steps. and no one, nothing around. even the air was still. today, even downtown is quiet. no honking to break the air. i cant help myself but to pull these pictures out, they were right. desert was, and is a ...

just outside this morning; where did summer go? dear blog, i realize that i abandoned you in last four months- 119 days to be exact. somehow, there's a weird relief that ive realized it before the full 120 days, not that it would make a huge difference. lots of things happened, and ive been many places. ive seen many people, and ive met a few persons. the summer that was hot, and the summer that now was. all these things, i believe, will come out in little threads here and there. may be even HERE. as the low sky full of clouds casts a pause into the city- a rarity, onto the city, i picked up the book that ive been meaning to read, but has been too 'noisy' for. the book asked me straight: what is silence? where it is? why is it more important now than ever? it's perhaps a bit too magical. but here i am. it's always bit weird to get back into the city and get back into life where people/ideas/things constantly move around, with communication th...