a day in the life of piano monkey

https://youtu.be/VWPFqWXSeVM often, feelings come at rather inconvenient times. more one tries to escape, more one gets sucked in, to the bottom of the maelstrom.  in midst of drowning, reality shatters, death- if briefly. today's morning was full of big, heavy wet snow, turning into freezing rain. big flakes being guided by the wind, slapping against the waterproof jacket hood.  hazy, heavy and opaque. not at all calm, menacing, as it continued to pour down these big frozen tears. i often wonder what is going on in midst of something beautiful.  when i see beauty, do you also see beauty? but what do you see? and what do i see? what did anyone else see? it is fleeting, it may not even last long enough to register into one's own consciousness. some days, the familiar beauty, in conjunction with other alertoric passage of the day, becomes too hot to handle- and one falls into the alternate reality- the reality comprised solely of imagination, memories and project...

image from twitter http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/10/us/politics/new-hampshire-primary.html 1. glad to see bernie pushing through. if this was back in 2008, i wouldve been in the bandwagon for hilary.  but 8 years later, gratefully, feminism had time to cultivate next generation of girls who are willing to be more inclusive, of other minorities- the poor, undereducated, legally suppressed; this is progress, where women feels less pressure to concentrate all their voting influence for the single reason of female figure(s) visibility.  i understand the older women's frustration, but in contrary, they should be proud of us, the girls, for being able to reach out to larger minority: the have-less, even if that means overseeing age and gender of sanders 2.  trump's lead among the conservatives arent surprising.  he polarizes and other nominees appear to be moderate in comparison to trump, hence the even split on the field among kasich, cruz, bush and rubio. ...

http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/beyonce-performs-during-super-bowl-50-between-the-carolina-panthers-picture-id508986958 so there it was, 50th superbowl halftime show, with cold play, bruno mars and beyonce. and yes, YOLA (youth orchestra of los angeles).  shot with new drone cams, i thought it looked bizarre. i personally enjoyed last year's katy perry's show better, but it's probably all to do with the left shark. haha. then the postings started. about how cold play was outshadowed by beyonce. about the weird visual effects from mashing drone feeds with wide cams. and oh. the tragedy of 'underappreciation' for classical music. huh what? so superstar orchestra conductor did not get same visibility as beyonce. YOLA kids did not get their own segment. but with beyonce on program, even coldplay couldnt fight her for the attention.  i wondered why is the conductor even on the side of the stage- as the drummer, heavily amped, was clearly marking beats for ...

http://www.musicaltoronto.org/2016/01/21/the-scoop-u-of-t-faculty-of-music-unveils-plans-for-new-concert-hall/ the lone planetarium, which closed its operation back in 1995, may get a second life now, as part of university of toronto expansion; since it sold to utoronto in 2009, many ideas floated around but this winter, a public announcement was finally made about its future: new building for history, islamic studies and music department- possibly a new chamber hall, 250-seats. i hear much complaint that the faculty of music facilities are way out of date and that it is inadequate and that NO ONE CARES. this hurts me a bit, because when people say 'no one cares,' it seems as if people are acting 'as if (they) no longer care,' whatever the reason is. every time i see a broken thing, trashed floor and uncared, tossed garbage at work, i am slightly disappointed.  yes, we grew out of building and we are cramped. it is worn and busy but really, music can happen he...

the city of 2.615 million minus one nothing no elation sorrow cold wind on red nose warmth in heart on way home spring in steps on way to work dinner getting cold as it taste of nothing wolfing down every scrap in the fridge because it is improbable that nothing taste of something but that it is the world through a filter bit of a joke so hipster blurry filter imitating the old days muted pixelated artificially aged as if if the days are actually old old enough to be transparent like apparition of leaves once green and alive now transparent golden bristle wings wings that arent attached to anything time flowing without reference dulled senses days and nights rolling into muddle trying to hold onto the beauty that everyone's pointing at may be an anchor drowning slowly perhaps a dream a desiccation a shell left behind

mousie from winter 2015 winter journey up to northbay! hullo 2016. there are many posts from 2015, sitting half-done, yawning.  i am holding back in hope that i can tame some of the wordings that may be too provocative, too condemning, too.. whatever. because, after all, the aim of expression through this blog is to explore, rather than defy or repel others. so perhaps i will stick to simple thoughts. today: consumption. i had not such an expensive christmas and i am grateful. i didnt go out shopping,agonizing on gifts, or went on a seasonal whim on surprise found-things. not because i want to be a scooruge, but because there wasnt a need for it. and i was lucky to be able to do so, because people around me are also quite chill about seasonal consumption. thank the lord. i did get a few things for a few people, but it was not necessarily connected to christmas- just things that people needed/wanted and that i wanted to give. we did spend a bit of dough going up to no...

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/12/09/he-called-her-a-slut-she-got-him-fired.html?source=TDB&via=FB_Page oh dear. as bit of free time returns, i start to poke my nose around the world once again and hey, it's always full of surprises and semi-tragedies.  well, there are real tragedies as well, but those are sincere situations which deserves a bit more respect than what i tend to hand out on my blog posts. the recent one is about aussie feminist writer and a man who was fired because he called her a slut. the writer ms. ford wrote about chauvism.  mr. nolan wrote on her facebook, calling her a slut. ms. ford wrote to his employer (a hotel chain). the employer fires mr. nolan. then the firework ensued. many people are angry about ms. ford 'ruining' a man's life. im kinda confused. 1. yes, there is the right for free-speech in australia. 2. so a feminist writer can write about chauvinism. 3. a person can protest her point of view in public. 4....

https://youtu.be/V5UOC0C0x8Q just over the weekend, i heard about death of one of my favorite singers, scott weiland. his raw voice paired with the bands (stone temple pilots and velvet revolver) were a big part of my auralscape as a teenager. or perhaps it was his continuous fight with his own demons- depression and substance abuse that made it even more real- a typical, therefore real, falling angel. angel with the wicked voice and the weird intoxicating mixture of glam and destruction. during first couple years of my immigrant life, there were moments i felt lost, isolated and worthless. i do not think i had particularly strange teenage years. i dont think anyone had it easy. but perhaps it's the combination of his voice in the music and the strange collection of words in his songs that i built my symbiosis- with my north american life, with growing up, with english language. back in korea, being an elementary school kid, i was not allowed to listen or watch pop mus...

this semester, i play for a local community choir, every monday night. as the winter creeps on, everyone shows up through the darkness, steps light with excitement, to a beautiful church in midtown toronto.  i first got to know them as an assistant engineer, recording their winter and spring concerts. always interesting music and congenial people. liked them enough as an outsider, that once an opportunity came up to audition for the accompanist job, i jumped onto it. re:choir members, i dont really know the individuals too well yet.  they are a bit older (than univ kids); they got stories and histories to share, but because the rehearsals run so efficient, there is not enough time to catch up on people! i find this bit funny. ha ha. may be next term, i can be more strategic to get to know them better! what i do know is that the group works very well. that they got a great atmosphere and they really do want to/do sing out. every monday night. probably at home as well. ...

melencolia 1, durer, 1954. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvm7Hnii-6U&list=PL2FEA1645BA0A5D3B&index=17 tis a real turn toward winter today. the lightest, but real flurries in the pale sunlight. 3pm afternoon is no longer full and round, but pale gold with hint of grey blue. and by midnight, the world is quieter. much more quieter. only the softest whispers of stars, if they havent covered themselves up with clouds. we say hello to the decline to the next apex couple weeks ago, on halloween.  grey dove feathers fly into the door steps, with echos of once beating hearts.  and one night, leaves fall. they no longer dance with the wind. they break. they shred. tiny pieces. till no more. tis a hard time, autumn. i love the melancholia of autumn. i love the simple reminder, cinis in cinerem, pulvis in pulverem.  ashes to ashes, dust to dust. without the dark night velvel blanket, i suppose the glistening lights and gentle shadows of people indoors wont...

i will slap on some hashtags, add colour filters to my profile pic, and post some links. cuz, im doing my part. i tossed and turned in confusion last night. and today, the sun is already shining, reflecting on the lake, albeit loads clouds hover along the horizon. out of habit, i check what the world is saying, over the web. i often try to tell myself this is normal, to see the world through the web. so many memes. so many pictures. so many condolence statements. so many prayers. i lost it for a few sec. prayers? really? are you kidding me? they blew up paris, in middle of their lovely friday night out, in name of god and we are sending prayers?  we are proud that we chose blue, white and red for our LEDs which illuminates our big and expensive civic icons? concert hall, restaurants, national level football stadium, all quite expensive and 'nice' places to be. we, the haves, walked around in this feeling of safety, strolling, thinking of probably 'nic...

from eiffel tower cam, lights out, 5:09am, 14 nov 2015. earthcam.com/world/france/paris/?cam=eiffeltower_hd paris burns tonight. just like back in the days of the french revolution,  the days of the storming of the bastille (14 july 1789; 82670 days since then),  the september massacres (2-7 september 1792, 81520 days since then). also, the day of 9/11, 2001 (5176 days since then). many shouts of anger and resentments, worries and fear echoes throughout the darken sky.  all over the world. pointing fingers. locking the doors. screaming revenge. declarations. fist shaking. i cannot help but to think of the irony, of the parallel universe, as i dig back to the old notes... Many other factors involved resentments and aspirations given focus by the rise of Enlightenment ideals. These included resentment of royal absolutism; resentment by peasants, labourers and the bourgeoisie toward the traditional seigneurial privileges possessed by the nobility; resentment...

cred: chris graythen/getty images: new orleans, LA- nov 01 new orleans saints wide receiver snead #83 picks up fumble against the ny giants today, at the gym, i saw a great record-breaking football game between ny giants and new orleans saints. drew brees, saints quarterback at age 36, has been under wry opinions about his age vs. eli manning, two-years younger than brees, top of the fame ladder with his brother peyton manning, star of the giants: they met eye-to-eye, setting new record at 6 touch downs each by the end of 4th quarter, game tied at 49, with only 36 seconds to go. and those 36 seconds, none of it was wasted.  every second. play. play. play. breaking that 36 seconds with both team adding up to total offensive yardage of 1030!  considering that each team plays 16 games per season, and last year's total offensive yardage leader, saints, clocks in at 6582 (and the worst, oakland raiders at 4515), i think laymen, even i can understand the significance of the s...

in the middle of idealogy-religious war zone in present syria, as westerners just lost the battle to the muslims, the lone woman jihadist, the greatest of them all, sulks in anger, for failing to capture her target boy. of course, the male leader of the muslim fighters urge the female heroine to choose a man, as she's ripe for time and a woman needs a man.  she says sod it, unless the man-to-be is good enough to bring me my target. conversation is interrupted by news of the westerners captives being rescued by the target boy. infuriation ensues and the new plan hatches, to lure her target to captivity. while on scout, the target boy gets lost in the enemy territory, then was distracted by the muslim forces and was put under a heavy drug to render him unconscious. the female jihadist finds her target boy, but instead of killing him off, she decides to bring him back to camp, to keep as 'hostage,' out of personal interest. falling in love, the female jihadist seeks ...

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/01/us/pope-francis-kim-davis-kentucky-clerk-washington-same-sex-marriage.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&_r=0 it's quite weird to see so many people reacting so strongly when the news of kim davis, the kentucky clerk who refused to do her job, met up with pope.  all the sudden, people are crying in despair, waving their hands and calling him a hypocrite. whoa. chill out for a bit here. 1. pope asking kim davis to change in public would be a poor form. (that would be forceful, whether it's right or not). public shaming or condemnation is not a great way to convert people. remember this is the man who said: who am i to judge? 2. if the meeting was made public, it wouldve been swarmed by 3rd parties, either in support or outrage, which would change the nature of the meeting. 3. popes traditionally give out possibly thousands of rosaries daily. so pope giving kim a rosary is not out of custom, nor it means he personally supports kim...

http://secondnexus.com/social/transgender-student-bathroom-battles/?ts_pid=2&utm_content=inf_10_94_2 i just had real good laugh reading some of the comments on dear Facebook regarding the idea of genders and bathroom access in high schools.  here are my thoughts in point-forms so that i do not leak sarcasm, as that is never my intention, to make fun of people. 1. transgenders having access to bathrooms does not have direct correlation to sexual offences in bathrooms.  in other words, equating transgender with potential criminal is logically wrong.  and all visiting adults are supposed to register with the school upon entry to school; therefore the actual pool of possible pedophiles would not change because of the access change (though other sex offences are still possible regardless of age). 2. regardless of gender, individuals' privacy is the issue here. the very idea of genital police in bathrooms is more disconcerting than anything else. 3. it is a cost...

frustrated entry 1: '... see, it is important to think about details, johnny. "let's eat, grandma!" is a bit different than "let's eat grandma!"' little kid squirms and then blurts, '... but everyone know what i meant! and my name is jonathan!' hmm. squinting and scratching. 'but you know who i meant, jason.' *** frustrated entry 2: '... okay, jonathan, you can have 1,000 for your birthday party with friends.' kid leaps into air with joy, cant believe his luck.  parent looks through wallet, gives him whack of dollar bills. '... but dad, it's only 10 dollars, not 1000-' 'oh, well, it's only coupla zeros. they dont mean anything anyway. should be enough?' *** and i sighed.

the cyclists in yyz have worked very hard to get some bike lanes in town.  and now that we do have some bike lanes installed, a few people who are not true cyclists (yet) ( ! ) has been creating friction with the public in embracing the commute cycling culture by being exclusive- yelling at drivers, pedestrians, break road rules, etc.  this is not a problem caused by cyclists, but caused by people who creates sense of entitlement, people who wants to be exclusive. recent refugee challenges (yes, this is not a problem for non-refugees, it's a challenge) is also dealt in similar fashion.  here we are sitting in our safe area, discussing and raising fingers about who we would let through and who should be left out.  i understand: a safe community is not a free commodity. it involves everyone's cooperation: taxes, legal honesty, procedures and the respect for the procedures and the willingness to spend the time and energy to make the procedure fair and open as poss...

ive been to many ikeas all over the world. denmark. austria. uk. usa. czech. and canada. every time the new catalogue hits the mail, i imagine many people picking it up, looking through fantasy houses, much like little kids imagining life in a doll house. they are pretty. they are perfect. then once you grow up a bit, usually old enough to run around the store without parental supervision, people often start to dream up scenarios in these tiny domestic vignettes.  hey in china, people even started to 'live' their day times in stores, sleeping, eating and who knows what. talk about living the dream.  one day, i hope to start composing a short scene for each spreads. i think it would be entertaining... http://time.com/3814935/ikea-china-customers-sleeping often i hear complaints about ikea products.  and it makes me laugh a little, as it must be so that so many of us have had (or still have and will have more of) these essential modular life furniture. and so man...

i actually do look like this. haha! for years and years, i wear newboy caps and generally wore whatever i liked.  the day mom decided to let go of her ritual of putting together my clothing, i see it as the day of liberation (of sort); too bad it was simply because she was too busy working at the dry cleaners 16+hrs a day, as first generation immigrants often do... the overall effect of my preference was an unexpected one.  unexpected because i realized that how i look DOES define minor parts of my identity- to a degree it became confusing/interesting to others. for instance, i wear jeans most of the time. and shirts. t-shirts, even. from working at the dry cleaners as kiddie helper, i bowed to never buy stuff that needs dry cleaning (reactionary, i know!). i get my hair cut short, as i cannot stand seeing strands of hair on the floor. and no, im not going to be dedicated enough to chase after them. after all, they are long and thin, which means after certain lengt...