a day in the life of piano monkey

vincent (v gogh)'s chair, with his pipe holidays are difficult, arent they? not that they are innately difficult, but the idea of celebration and importance of the occasions themselves can lend headaches and heartaches aplenty. as im on the all-time-consuming duty of lazing by the fire and eating silly things, i have time in my head. and lots of things swim around it. we favour tradition during these times, and tradition, inevitably highlights changes. some changes are great. some, not so much. in fact, im certain it's the heartaches that stays with us longer.  lost things, lost people. times gone by and things that will never be. and no longer be. news of births and celebrations are welcomed highly, but there are also news of unhappiness. slow news. fast news. no longer a news but a fresh heartbreak. all kinds, just like fruitcake bits. looking at social media pictures and postings, i realize that this is THE time to be happy. and that many of us will be

sunlight in empty room, 1963, edward hopper, oil on canvas https://youtu.be/x4gXCsdFlbU apparently this november was the darkest (least sunlight) november recorded in toronto. but today, it's all sunshine. the buildings are puffing continuous cloud (finally proper cold again), and the sky is pale blue with light gold tinge to it. things have shadows and it is glorious to lay in bed with sun stroking my hair. im supposed to be working at home, but i really just cant. this is really gorgeous. i guess the sun will start to set early enought (440pm), to arrive at dusk for 513pm. so may be it is okay to noodle and in sunshine. my first instrument of choice was the oboe. (i wasnt given one, HAHA) mom and i gather i couldnt be older than 3 (remembering things that were in the room in my memory).  i was sitting on patch of sunlight in our old old house in seoul.  we lived near the airport, so seeing the contrail (i still love them and their amazing arc) was quite normal. that day, in

canada post's been on strike and it's been ruffling a few feathers. i understand, no one likes to have they stuff delayed in transit. i mean no one. and people's stuff are amazingly precious- though it's bit bizarre how stuff really overtakes anything else in the world for attention and importance. a few things are still in the mail for me, and one of my clients had to chew nails as payment cheque was super delayed due to strike. another one was in a desperate situation for cash flow, as her assistant cheque was delayed. i mean, im lucky. there are few things in mail, but it's not super urgent- it wont disrupt my cash flow in a sense i be in a hole, or receive financial penalty. i do have a book i want in transit somewhere, and i think it may get here well after i leave for the break. i did find it shocking that the federal govt really got onto action after eBay has nudged them, for their commercial parcel service disruption.  then i kept hearing people ta

oh dear blog, im sorry, ive been busy writing for the ludwig-van toronto. tis funny, when i started to write for them, i didnt realize it will often take the place you had in my mind, much apologies! there has been many small thoughts that i had for blogposts, but somehow, ive been chasing other stuff.... but blog, you are on my mind! anywhoooo, here are the writings from month of sept-october, and i hope to get back writing some more personal stuff soon, as world is full of silly situations..! https://www.ludwig-van.com/toronto/2018/11/01/primer-tafelmusik-has-their-eyes-on-the-work-of-agostino-steffani/ this was a fun one. who knew 18th century 007 did more than current 007... he even wrote killer music charts.. https://www.ludwig-van.com/toronto/2018/10/12/profile-chilly-gonzales-i-always-consider-myself-a-musician-who-happens-to-be-playing-the-piano/ we need more positive people like chilly in the world- especially in music!! https://www.ludwig-van.com/toronto/2018/10/09/primer-fiv

ford@ senate judiciary committee. win mcnamee/AP i go to the gym during day time. today i was watching ford-kavanaugh hearing. the one lady who came in the middle of dr. ford's testament, the same lady who once said 'ms. clinton should wear something better than that ugly suit for the campaign,' then said: "she shouldve reported that 30 years ago." i was so angry that i ended up making some sort of animal noise. the group of ladies who socialize looked at my direction and continued. "if my daughter experienced this, she would surely have reported right away." "she's drinking coke. shouldnt she stay away from caffein?" ---------------------------- okay, your daughter will be believed. because she has rich, white, powerful family (the lady often talk across the gym about her personal life, so we cannot not hear it).  your daughter's been taught since she was a little dot, that she has the right to speak out. you

one of my favourite murals near chinatown, @hogtown vegan's wall with a couple turns of events, i am wearing another small hat for work. i should put all of them on a keychain, lol. i decided it's time for me to learn something that ive been dreading/was never good at/find frustrating (probably because im not so good at it): managing. to manage: 1560s, probably from Italian maneggiare "to handle," especially "to control a horse," ultimately from Latin noun manus "hand" (from PIE root *man- (2) "hand"). Influenced by French manège "horsemanship" (earliest English sense was of handling horses), which also was from Italian. Extended to other objects or business from 1570s. Sense of "get by" first recorded 1650s. https://www.etymonline.com/word/manage well, if anyone knows about being kicked, it would be horse people. and sometimes, people tell you a particular point over and over in one's life. but somehow, it kin

i finally was at right time and right place to see the documentary: mcqueen. https://youtu.be/4OjX3ZbsfbU growing up in the 90s in canada, i saw fair bit of fashion television as english-learning teenager.  the world that was so far from everyday (especially for a dry cleaner/laundromat owners' daughter who was teased constantly for being overweight with big thick glasses), seemed ridiculous.  after many days and nights of sewing buttons on freshly washed button down shirts, and measuring my customers for new pants hem length, i became bulletproof practical about 'fashion': if it is washable, breathable, non-ironing and long-lasting, i will buy it!  *this is still quite true, haha. though, in much ridiculousness, there were few images that i do remember from these 'fashion' vignettes- they were somehow different. i didnt really understand it, but i saw that there were some real beauty in this haute couture culture. (my favourite houses are mcqueen, dolce & ga

the promised rain here today. all day, they say. rain rain well stay if you want i guess. papercut opoposite. and like a little kid, i sought opposite. -------------------- this summer, i got to the sahara desert. it's been a dream of mine. it was vast, quiet, hot yet cool. so different from the volcanic desert of inner iceland- full of gale wind, exploding gaysers and vibrant multicolour streams with minerals in them. sahara was warm colours. and blue. so much blue. it was still full of life still, though the road to tumbuktu has been quiet for a long time. and the silence. it was a full moon night when we camped. i walked out for good hour in the middle of the night. lie down on the sand, cooling quickly, i saw the moon so bright. to be erased - foot steps. and no one, nothing around. even the air was still. today, even downtown is quiet. no honking to break the air. i cant help myself but to pull these pictures out, they were right. desert was, and is a

just outside this morning; where did summer go? dear blog, i realize that i abandoned you in last four months- 119 days to be exact. somehow, there's a weird relief that ive realized it before the full 120 days, not that it would make a huge difference. lots of things happened, and ive been many places. ive seen many people, and ive met a few persons. the summer that was hot, and the summer that now was. all these things, i believe, will come out in little threads here and there. may be even HERE. as the low sky full of clouds casts a pause into the city- a rarity, onto the city, i picked up the book that ive been meaning to read, but has been too 'noisy' for. the book asked me straight: what is silence? where it is? why is it more important now than ever? it's perhaps a bit too magical. but here i am. it's always bit weird to get back into the city and get back into life where people/ideas/things constantly move around, with communication th

my 6 years old student asked me two weeks ago: kid: do you have a belly button? me: everything that has a 'mother' does, so yes. well, marsupials and platypuses dont. kid: can i see it? me: no. kid: then how would i know that youve got one? me: ask my mom. she gave birth to me. kid: but i asked nicely! me: and i said no, nicely! yesterday, with an excuse of 'mother's day,' the four of us (big bro busy, small bro dead), went to have a lunch. two moms and a dad, and a kid.  she wanted a chunk of cash, so she got that. we all got more than enough food for lunch. yay. then on way to drop me off at the subway: mom: am i an organ donor? me: are you? mom: you marked on my renewal form that i am, me: then you are. mom: is it marked on the card? me: i dont think so? *both look at driver's license, but has no clue me: i think they will look your record up directly. mom: so if im a donor, what do they take? me: i dont know, but i doubt they take 'all' mom: the

found on street. the last week of april and first week of may has been quite demanding. there were a few lovely recitals that i was so happy to be part of. there was an outreach concert to faraway nursing home and my dad did the deed of dad taxi to help me out, which was very touching. the lovely uber driver returned my black shoes and he was so shy to receive a few bucks and bits of chocolate. the friend returned pants i left at a show and even bought me an excellent brunch. the lovely choir peeps are presenting chamber works this sat and theyve been working so hard. the friend i havent seen in person for two-whole-years, we had chance to drink together in person. the lovely friend who presented a great program of multi-cellos, i was lucky to write about that. the beautiful composer who i admired, i met in person and am now an official fan girl. the gautier capucon show i wanted to go to, a close friend went instead and was ecstatic. colleague of mine was in a fatal car crash

in five min, it'll be a full 8 years since we buried the little one under the ground. it was a rainy day. it didnt pour, but it did spit the whole day. the ground was slightly soggy and i tugged a card into his final outfit- a small box. when we turned away from the fresh mound of earth, the ground underneath was making that wet, soggy sound. yesterday, a friend was involved in a car accident with a passenger. we were on way to see him and we took a wrong turn, and saw the street all blocked up with yellow tape. about an hour later, we were down at the hospital. we learned that the passenger died at the scene. friend'll be in hospital for a bit. there is so much more story to this situation. but it's not my own family, so i leave it be for now.  it's their privacy and there's a time for sharing grief and then there's time to wait and listen. but it was such a beautiful day. the air that makes people giddy. 5% less care, as it goes in the wind. th

today was the last day of the instrumental jury accomp. thanks to everyone who has kindly invited me to be part of their prep and presentation. i honestly did enjoy every bit of playing we did together, with every ONE of you and i really am happy to learn more about each persons- and special thanks to the first year students: thanks for trusting me with a 'new step.' there are many able and great pianists in this big city, so to be asked to be the 'wingman' is a great honour. and i hope you felt supported, cared and respected, as a colleague.  yes, colleague, as equals. have a great summer, most of you (expt you poor buggers who has chamber exam on the END OF THE MONTH HAHAHA), and looking forward to next phase of recitals as well! imma lucky kid.

haha, hard to tell whether it's for a child or a senior. today, dad,mom,granny were at home, meeting up with the social worker, i was phoning in. the request for this meeting came quite suddenly, as there's a possibility that a bed may be free for granny at a local nursing home. *yeah this is the shouty lady. granny's 94, turning 95. she's been living a long time, long enough that she is now shrinking. i remember that day i realized that i was taller than her. woot. now she's at least head shorter than i am. her rings are so big now that she has put yarns around the ring to pad them up. hehe. she sometimes forgets stuff now, and though she is quite lucid, sometimes she says unrelated things, like a little kid. when i hold her hands, it's quite tiny. and i have small hands. mom's in late 60s and while dad's seeking freedom (?) at work, she takes care of granny at home. sometimes she's about to lose her mind, but i guess we all do fe

scene 1: urgent call req from social worker for granny's nursing home stuff (we are on waitlist), i keep telling to social worker to speak softer, i cant hear her (old phone, older lady, heavy accent)*holy compression, so she shouts on the phone. i ask her to speak softer, slower, while she shouts to me that shes gotta speak up so i can hear her. hilarious. effort: 10/10 efficiency: 0/10 ---------------------------------------------- scene 2: about 12 hours later, me wearing my winter coat in the house, sitting by the desk. roomie enters. roomie: why are you wearing your coat? me: cold? roomie: cold? *goes to check temp/heater me: no no no, leave it. roomie: you are cold? me: no no no, im just eating unhealthy amo of ice cream. it's warmer this way. priorities. ---------------------------------------------- congrats to joey, chiara, thomas and chelsea for a lovely sax rep play though! and i went home and ate ice cream in my coat. ha ha.

sometimes it takes me quite a bit of time to get a day sorted. for today, i was to cruise through four different locations for four different stuff- and i was so proud when it was all organized.... today turned out to be hilarious instead. so i thought it was worthy of note. proposed plan was: before 930am meeting: 5km run@y 930-1030am meeting: psych assessment (client+psychiatrist)@dundas square -grace through ttc to school (15 min max) 11-12 noon: jury run through for A 12-1 : rehearsal for B 1-2 : rehearsal for C -grace through ttc to union station (15 min max) 230-430 : translation meeting (client+lawyer)@ front st -grace through ttc to branksome (20 min) 5-6 : teach a lesson for D -return to school, get brain sorted, 7-9 : recital for dearest meredith. i thought it was a work of art. then the day actually happened like this: before 930am meeting: rushed 5km run@y, overslept so had to run faster than i wanted, 930-1030am meeting: client got on bus, then

whoa sorry blog, it's been ten days since i could not.. get... to.... you..... ive been buried a little bit, with extra work from all sides. i am very happy to be part of many different things in life, but this means also that im running around more than usual, and that without people's support, i would be, well, crying in the stairwell at the moment. or at least once a day. HAHA. fortunately, that never happened. and i feel supported, loved and cared for. and yeah, lots of laughter. that always helps. so here it is, a bit thanks list: matt g, thanks for your humour. you crack me up. it's always good to see you. arianna, thanks for your grace and poise. share some if you have extra. meredith, prepping for your 4th year recital is a priority for me this wknd and i am so happy to be part of your journey here at utoronto. you were always beautiful (music and person-wise) and i am so happy for monday! mateo g, thanks for your humour, esp. last saturday when i just c

on such a grey raining day, there's nothing better than a hot dinner. minnow's visiting so we met up at union and brought him home. during this busy week, he'll be floating around, saying hullo in person. how nice is that! it is so easy to head out in this town to catch a grub. in fact, if you do it well enough, it's actually cheaper to eat out than cook 'according to the recipe' for one/two persons. we, however, came home and made simple din that took us 20 min today. and talked of small things, like new beer selections at the LCBO. my hot dinner had a warm company and for next few days, minnow'll be sipping into the small cracks in the day loads, in between stuff to do, and that makes me happy. like a simple home made pot stew, served on top of simple rice.

there it was, easter! i quite missed the grandness of the religious services, or lounging around that one does after a big communal meal. but i did get some slow practice in, which really did make me happy. i often take in too many things to do, because i really do like being with people. but that also means that i am quite tightly packed schedule of run-arounds. especially when in switching out around playing, translating, tech work and gawd knows what, it takes a bit of time for each 'things.' i run about 5 days a week, 5km a time at the mo (it used to be 6 miles per session in in 20s, but trying to cut down for wear/tear and also time management), and i try to use the run to practice. i practice phrasing. it sounds grand, but it's quite simple. i sometimes to 6 miles per hour, half hour. or 7 miles per hour, 25 min. or 4 miles per hour, 45 min. or i move it around. first 5 min at 6 miles. (0.5 miles) then 3 min at 8 miles. (0.4 miles) then 2 min at 6 m

my nose's been running pretty amazingly. ultra marathon grade, surely. until two days ago: why do people buy these 4 packs of kleenex boxes? that's too much. today: i shouldve asked someone to take me to costco so i can buy more kleenex. my nostril is feeling raw, and what people call post-nasal drip feels more like that flash flood in basement apartment during summer drench. i can cough so resonant that i could probably get a gig as a subwooper for next few days. i blame this on my occupation. it's still winter and temp just dropped again. so i cant really turn pages so easily (photocopied pages are the worst for sticking together, thanks to static. this is a REAL THING, static + printers) https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/02/12/why-paper-jams-persist so in desperation, i often lick my right index finger tip. and yeah, sometimes my finger, which has been playing on communal pianos, have a 'taste.' i dont even know how many what i have ing

from this week's piano lesson: kid: whoa are you a girl or a boy? *interesting, youve never asked before me: why does it matter, and what do you think? kid: i think you are a boy. me: why? kid: your hair is short and your shirt has dinosaur on it. *hmmm time for a curve ball me: what if i put on a wig? kid: the it's a wig? me: but it'll be long? kid: but your hair is short! me: what if i grow it out? kid: then you must be a girl! me: what if i have no hair? kid: that's just granpas! me: so im a grandpa? kid: may be! after all, you have dinosaur on your shirt! me: and dinosaur is a boy thing? kid: yes! me: what about female dinosaurs? kid: there are female dinosaur? me: do you have a mom? kid: yes i do! me: have you seen any living thing that has no mother? *im stretching here kid: no- me: what does that mean then? kid: that dinosaurs are dead! these kids crack me up.

today at lesson, we were talking about modern strings (you know, the difference with the gut strings, etc), bow shapes (concave vs convex), and how technology/innovation keeps changing little things and big things. suddenly kid asks seriously: do you think there'll be classical music in 100 years? we then talked about a few things: 1. we might get a few adjustments made in our instruments in western classical music, but very unlike that instruments will change significantly or become obsolete. she was sceptical so we talked about how many people love to play electronic-acoustic instruments ( not many), aversion to some tweaks (like... aversion to carbon fibre instruments),  and the fact that some people just like old things (classical music is an oldie thing) 2. i asked her if she would ever replace her dog with a virtual dog. virtual dog would have some advantages, like... no need to pick up poo, or toilet train, feed, walk it in rain, that it'll never die, etc- she said no,

i was looking for something on my hard disc and unexpectedly ran into my brother. it's been 2893 days since we stopped walking together. and for some reason, i have the hardest time remembering the year. i remember that we buried him on 01 may though. it's been so long, but like a water drop on a dark pool, i sat there, resonating. it rippled. for awhile. so fresh yet no longer new. i still cant remember what i was looking for, a day later.

caravaggio: taking of christ palm sunday was last weekend and now we are in passion week. i always feel a bit bizarre on palm sunday. figuratively and literally, this is the time that we bring that white lamb home, for slaughter. we bring it into the house, and everyone admires it. we even might mentally drool, picturing that lovely lamb chop, glistening from the grilling. and yeah, people waved palms as jesus entered jerusalem. it is exciting. here he is, the dude who will save us all. we will nail him on the cross and let him choke to death. THANKS MAN OOH JAILFREE CARD it's bit weird. people protest meat-eating. for instance, the recent squacking between protesters and meat resto owner in toronto was bit hilarious: https://www.blogto.com/eat_drink/2018/03/antler-restaurant-vegan-protest-toronto/ i think what the owner did was hilarious.  vegans protested as public group on public space. owner did what he does in his resto: carve and cook meat. it&#

*kid and mom walking by, kid enthusiastically eating last bits of chocolate chip cookie (or what's left of it). mom: you know, youve got chocolate all over your face. (makes gesture to wipe face) kid: yes, you know what? (licking every finger) mom: what? (passing interest) kid: i had a chocolate chip cookie (super serious) mom: urrrr yes (stunned) i died laughing.

it was earth day yesterday, and people went around with candles and turned their light off. people, as group, felt proud for it. and starbucks just committed for development of more environmentally-friendly disposable cup. people, as a group, felt proud for it. there's a taiwanese place near by the ymca. and i go there for a quick lunch at times. and for every meal, they provide the usual: 1. bento box (plastic-widely recycled) 2. disposable chopsticks (garbage) 3. chopstick wrapper (paper-widely recycled) 4. plastic spoon (plastic-widely recycled) 5. napkins (green bin) 6. styro cup for water (plastic no. 6, only 39% recycleable) 7. plastic bag for takeaway (so many types that it's usually cost-inefficient to recycle) 8. bubble tea cup (plastic-widely recycled) 9. bubble tea lid (plastic-widely recycled) 10. straw for bubble tea but here, i dont think anything gets recycled at this resto most customers are bay corridor student residents. it's quite chea

this morning, i could barely open my eyes because 1. i wanted to sleep a bit more, 2. my face was so bloated. i tend to make my lunch-dinner (usually happens around 1030pm or so, after i get back home) and though i do end up eating out more than i think i should, because eat-outs tend to be smaller snacks, i dont think it has huge impact on my body (as much), as during the day time, the constant movement, if im lucky, a shortie run, drinking water and going to the bathroom, all these things keep the excess salt out of the system before i go to bed. but we had a late-ish roomie din out last night, and though i consciously drank loads water (knowing that i cannot fit in my regular morning run because first call was TOO EARLY- headdesk), by the time i woke up, my face was so swollen it was almost comical. eating the 'wrong thing' the night before always does my body in, and when i ate silly and i cannot sneak in a short session of gym in the morning (preferably before noo

today, out of the blue, i heard about others' experience in their first year at the univ. there are lots of good stories, but this time, we unfortunately talked about being pushed into the new world of social interactions and testing of personal boundaries. and yes, it did involve girls being forced into situations where the boys with swagger take advantages of them. for all who may retort back and say 'yeah but the boys are also taken advantage of,' i just want to remind myself and to others, that it's not about making the 'parties' to be treated 'equally (bad).'  i just happened to hear about cis-gender girls specifically who has been taken advantage by cis-gender boys. when i first came to uni, it was also very much like so. but after almost two decades, i thought we may be better as a group; im not terribly disappointed, but rather, i was quite enraged. girls, even in G-20 countries, are taught to be helpful, coorporative and agreeable. and t

sometimes we define others by one's own context (rather than reminding self of the bigger picture).  for instance, there's a cashier lady i quite like at my local metro and she works the graveyard shift.  she's from phillipines and she often would like to go to faraway places (havent done much of it), and we both wondered my pint of halo ice cream would be any good at all the other night (it wasnt, for me). http://www.stack.com/a/is-halo-top-ice-cream-actually-healthy and then there's a gym neighbour who is beautiful, and she works out in the morning. i know her name, and that she works at the bay, and that she's got elderly mother back in europe (i want to say hungary). and she likes opera. we often talk about COC and other musical productions. and today, while working a tech shift, this young man who needed a loaner mic said, 'thanks, cecilia.' for bizarre reason, rather than thinking it through, i said, 'how do you know me?' and he said his

at the taxi depot in montego bay, they have this 'route' taxis.  bit like mini-buses, these sedan/minivan cabs have their regular route on the front door of the car, and you just hop on and off anywhere on the route.  that's the public transit here. btw, GDP per capita for jamaica was 4862 USD (2016) and for canada, 42,157 USD. for lack of better/common measurement, a canadian is 8 times wealthier than a jamaican (per capita). that's shocking. anyhow, back to route taxis, they cost 100 jamaican dollars for ride (1 CAD/80 cents USD) and if you have backpack, it's extra 50 JD. i think kids were also at half price. so people pile in at the depot, and the car leaves when the seats are full. i have seen similar things for regional transit in uzbekistan- in fact, that was the only way to leave samarkand to get to dushanbe, tajikistan (like 9 hours taxi ride). and you simply flag it down when you need to get into one. i always rode in from the taxi depot, as it w